Friday, March 12

Lost Friday - "Dr. Linus."


Season 6 - Episode 7: "Dr. Linus."

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss, although you might hate me for it.

If you recall from last week's Lost Friday (also the last thing I've written), I recently became the proud owner of a brand-spanking-new virus; a brutal cough and cold that had sidelined me for the last seven days. Believe me, it was terrible. When my voice wasn't completely gone, I sounded like a 90-year-old woman that had smoked black cigars and crystal meth her entire life. This was coupled with vicious sneezing and a weakened Immune System that made it difficult to do nearly anything but complain and dizzily stumble around the house for days, foraging for Kleenex and NyQuil.

My teeth still have a greenish hue.

My weekend in Chicago happened and was wonderful, if you discount my sorry condition. The hotel was tremendous (I kept finding excuses to use the shower), the dinner fantastic, and the concert definitely memorable (Saves The Day's Chris Conley hugged me, which is a love I shall carry to my grave). I especially loved waiting for my car on Saturday morning, the valet pulling up with a dozen Benz's and Range Rovers before emerging with my unwashed Mercury Sable. It was a hilarious and humbling moment for voiceless, hung over me.

Furthermore, my gallivanting across the Midwest is far from over, as I am currently packing for a long weekend in the Twin Cities. For what I believe is the 8th year in a row, me and the Missus are trekking out to the middle of nowhere to the Bed & Breakfast where we got married, enjoying a couple days of no TV, no Internet and little-to-no human contact (unless you count ghosts). We always make a point to go when nobody else would want to be there; we get the entire place to ourselves, and it truly feels like being in a Haunted Time Machine for a few days. Can't wait.

On the Lost front, I've been far too busy and far too sick to whip up my traditionally fantastic (or hopelessly waning, depending on your opinion) Lost Friday, so I'm instead publishing the minute-by-minute Live Blog I jotted down as I watched this week's episode. I've never done this before, and I probably never will again (there's only like, 10 episodes left, you know), but hey, why not try it, right?

Enjoy. And if you don't enjoy it, go straight to hell. I was really not feeling well.

7:55pm - I'm currently sharing a blanket on the couch with the Missus and at least two cats (that I can see), as the last few minutes of last week's episode of Lost wind down. I'm noticing that I'm wearing a sock with a hole in it, which now means that I no longer own any socks that aren't torn. Why is it so difficult for me to remember to grab a bag of the damn things the next time I'm at Target? Socks come in bags; how hard is this?

8:00pm - Here we go, bitches. The advertisements hint that Ben will die, but that can't seriously happen, right? They usually hint that every third week.

8:01pm - We pick up right where we left off last week; awesome!

8:02pm - Alternate Timeline Dr. Linus looks a bit too much like an actual European History Teacher/Sex Offender for me to be comfortable.

8:03pm - Dr. Arzt is still around, and still plenty annoying. He reminds me a lot of my Sophomore Science teacher; a short, stocky nebbish that I wanted exploded into tiny bits on a daily basis.

8:04pm - John Locke would have been an awesome substitute teacher. You probably could have sidetracked him for hours talking about knives and the Outback whatnot. Sidetracking Substitutes is a true art form for teens.

8:05pm - Wow, Miles really CAN pick up the final thoughts of the dead. Linus is in some deep shit for killing Jacob.

8:06pm - I have to say, I bet it really hurt Ben's feelings when Ilana referred to Jacob as "The closest thing I've ever had to a father," considering that Ben followed the man's orders for decades without as much as even meeting the guy. I still totally understand why he shanked him.

8:07pm - Modern Family is a near-perfect sitcom. It's really quite fantastic, and fully deserving of a Best Comedy nod (even over 30 Rock).

8:08pm - Linus is a man without a country. He went from being the master manipulator of the Island to a dude with less credibility than a Priest.

8:09pm - Woah, it was a bit weird to see Alternate Timeline Linus chatting with his dying father, considering that his Island murder of him was about as brutal as Lost ever got (which is saying a lot).

8:10pm - Ben's dad took Ben to the Island in the Alternate Timeline! Dharma still exists! Alex still exists! Existing still exists! That is a crazy plot point, right there. I wonder what happened to Dharma in the Alternate Timeline.

8:11pm - Ilana and Sun sharing a scene is like chocolate cake sharing a plate with a damp turd.

8:12pm - There are only six candidates left. Let's see...Jack, Hurley, Sawyer, Jin/Sun...maybe Kate...who else?

8:13pm - Hurley's hair is approaching Adam Duritz territory in this scene.

8:14pm - Lapidus is awesome. He has the worst luck in history, yet takes it in stride. He's like the John Locke of Lost.

8:15pm - Ben Linus is digging his own grave. This should be routine for him.

8:16pm - That Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream is calling my name from the freezer.

8:17pm - OMNOMNOMNOM.

8:18pm - OOOOOOOMMMMMNOMNOMNOMNOM

8:19pm - Miley Cyrus is adorable. It's a party in the USA! I was rocking out to that song at a red light, and didn't even stop when the other cars pulled up to me.

8:20pm - The Missus is asking me whether or not I find baby turtles adorable. It's deep conversations like this that have kept our relationship fresh for over a decade (I answered 'sort of').

8:21pm - I missed Alex. She's saucy in a very alluring and unique way. Her relationship with Linus right now is creeping me out, though.

8:22pm - Never mind. The Principal is the pervert, not Ben.

8:23pm - Ilana couldn't have found Linus a decent shovel with which to dig his grave?

8:24pm - Miles chastises Ben for not digging his grave fast enough, and Ben says "I'm not in a big hurry." That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard on this show.

8:25pm - Hurley finally asks Richard why he doesn't age. At least we now know that he's not a Cyborg or a Vampire. Face it, Hurley is the voice of the persistently idiotic fan.

8:26pm - The Black Rock makes a long-awaited appearance! Richard's off to die!

8:27pm - The Missus says, "If Ben and Richard both die this week, it'll be the worst birthday ever." I have to remind her that her birthday is in November.

8:28pm - By the end of the week, I will have digested one of those shrimp tacos at Taco Bell. I expect at least a dab of vomit, but it needs to be done for reasons outside of my control.

8:29pm - Ben and Arzt are going to commit a little e-mail fraud. Who thought we'd see this sort of conversation after watching Arzt turned to Island Chili in Season 1?

8:30pm - Linus is a geometric genius! How did he dig a grave so squarely with a goddamn bamboo shovel?

8:31pm - Richard showed up to the Island on the Black Rock. We had always assumed this, but I think it's the first time they hinted at it.

8:32pm - When Jacob touches you, you cannot kill yourself?! Richard realized that, much like Linus, he devoted his life to a shady prophet. I'm of course referring to Sylvia Browne.

8:33pm - I'm of course referring to Tony Little.

8:34pm - OnStar seems like a good idea for your car in an emergency situation, but what if during the accident, you destroy the OnStar box?

8:35pm - In this Chili's commercial, they're arguing over their favorite trios. My favorite trio is the Beatles without Paul.

8:36pm - The Harlem Globetrotters are coming back to Madison. I've got $200 on the Generals.

8:37pm - Hardee's takes a genius idea like an 'Adult Grilled Cheese' and destroys it with bacon and ham.

8:38pm - Jack's got some balls, here, lighting that dynamite. He's gathering some confidence in his possible destiny at this point. He must be the 'true candidate,' don't you think?

8:39pm - Well, NOW who's going to kill Richard?

8:40pm - Ben is digging the deepest grave in history. Not so deep that the Lord can't find him! And judge him!

8:41pm - Fake Locke shows up to converse with Ben. Square-head Ilana is eating a round mango.

8:42pm - So, it's going to be Jacob's Chosen One vs. Smokey's Chosen One? Interesting. It's a damn shame that 'real' Locke had to die.

8:43pm - Ben blackmails his boss. You know, there was an administrator in my old High School that did a similar thing, so this was a pretty awesome moment for me. Get him, Linus!

8:44pm - I remember the dude putting his arm around me while I was using the urinal. I think that might have been the last time I ever used a urinal, now that I think of it.

8:45pm - Great scene here by Ben, once again explaining why Jacob sucked as Leader, and how much he has lost. He really looked pathetic here, despite his moments of supreme power. Dude is amazing.

8:46pm - I haven't watched an episode of the new Tonight Show, nor do I plan to.

8:47pm - I'm not going to take professional advice from a dude that climbs mountains for a living. Good day, American Express!

8:48pm - If the AT&T 3G Coverage map really WAS like the map in the Verizon commercial, I'd never be able to use it anywhere in Wisconsin. Truth is, I get 3G damn near everywhere in the state. Ergo, Verizon's commercial is woefully incorrect.

8:49pm - Buzz Aldrin WILL WIN Dancing With The Stars, or else he'll punch you in the snoot!

8:50pm - Hey, do you think Buzz Aldrin can...(snicker)...moonwalk? BWAHAHAHAHAH

8:51pm - Alternate Timeline Linus does right by Alex. That's fantastic.

8:52pm - Ilana and Ben walk through the jungle. Someone's not going to survive this, I can just feel it (NOTE: I was wrong).

8:53pm - Almost everyone is back on the beach. Ben seems super-humbled. Sun seems super-hot. Lapidus seems super-duper-sweaty.

8:54pm - Reunited! I bet when Sun hugged Hurley, there was a splashing sound. He's violently sweaty.

8:55pm - SUBMARINE! SOMETHING BAD IS COMING! JACOB WAS RIGHT! I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID!

8:56pm - WIDMORE! WIDMORE! OH, SHIT! WIDMORE'S COMING TO THE ISLAND!

8:57pm - Smash cut. Episode over.

8:58pm - Next week's preview gives away absolutely nothing. What a fantastic episode.

8:59pm - Admit it, Season 6 has been everything you wanted it to be, even though you predicted next to none of it.

9:00pm - Zzzzzzz.

There you have it; another Lost Friday in the books. Sound off in the comments section, enjoy your weekend and check out these links while I'm in Minnesota. The CDP Worldwide Mix-Tape Trade #7 kicks into gear Monday.

Season 6 - Episode 1/2.
Season 6 - Episode 3.
Season 6 - Episode 4.
Season 6 - Episode 5.
Season 6 - Episode 6.
I'm On Twitter.
I'm On Facebook.
Surviving 815.

Comments:
Call me crazy, but I kind of enjoyed that.

Little known fact: I used to work with Tony Little. He could be kind of a jerk, and I really don't think the Gazelle could have worked all that well considering how many had to be damaged out of our inventory following his show blocks. On the flip side, Mr. T was awesome and sweet and agreed to have his picture taken with people (even though we weren't supposed to ask). Richard Simmons liked to flirt with the guys on the crew. Susan Lucci was the most frail looking person I'd ever seen. Wolfgang Puck was nice but cussed like a sailor. Billy Mays was always nice to the crew, too, but I didn't work with him as much as I did Sully (and Sully's younger brother, who was known as "Sully Junior"). And I once saw plus-size model Emme in the building, taking a tour as part of a pitch meeting. This concludes our walk down Home Shopping memory-lane. We now retunr you to your regularly scheduled discussion of Lost.
 
You're crazy! And thank you; I really was typing that feverishly, I barely looked up.

I remember you telling me about Mr. Little, as I think I kept urging you to write essays about your time spent on set (I still think there's interest and money in that). I, for one, always find stuff like that interesting.

Ooh, did you ever meet Mike Rowe, or was he QVC?
 
Wow Maus, that sounds like a fun job!

Ryan, based on your mentions of me in your post it appears as though you are married to a retarded person. Just sayin'. Although I *did* say both of those things... :)

When Jack/Hurley/Richard appeared at the beach and a big group-hug ensued, seeing Ben stand off to the side with no one to hug or acknowledge him was probably the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.
 
Mike Rowe was (briefly) QVC. HSN hosts rarely go on to be that awesome. Members of the crew, on the other hand, often progress to cool jobs - I have a former coworker who's now at ESPN, one who does freelance cameras sometimes for MMA events and stuff, and a few others doing some pretty cool stuff. I miss that job sometimes, it was stressful (live tv), but the people were amazing.

I'm not much of an essay or memoir-style writer (um, or much of a writer in general, really), although in the literature class I'm taking we're reading some essays and poetry by writer Sherman Alexie that makes me want to write about my childhood (what keeps me from doing it is how my family would respond)...I personally find the HSN stories not that compelling. :p
 
Right there with you about "Modern Family", although if you haven't given "Community" a shot yet, it deserves it (I'd actually put it ahead of MF as far as quality). Outstanding writing and acting, and it consistently runs circles around "30 Rock" in my book.

And Alex is the definition of alluring.
 
CELIA - You're not retarded, you're rambunctiously charming.

And yeah, Ben was a man without a home this week.

MAUS - Come on, I know you can write! If you like it, do it.

EPHLAND - The Community vs. Modern Family Emmy War is big in my house. In our opinion, these are the two funniest shows on TV right now (yeah, even more than 30 Rock). Community's jab at Glee this week was spot-on.
 
I haven't seen this week's episode of Community yet, but knowing they were poking fun at Glee (a show I secretly sort of like, in a shame-filled way), well...now I can't wait to get home and crank up my DVR. We usually do a booze fueled mini marathon of Commuity and The Soup on Friday evenings. I lead a thrilling and enviable life.
 
"8:52pm - Ilana and Ben walk through the jungle. Someone's not going to survive this, I can just feel it (NOTE: I was wrong)." I also TOTALLY thought someone was going to die when this was happening ... it made me nervous.

Baby turtles are adorable.
 

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