Friday, February 12

Lost Friday - "What Kate Does."


Season 6 - Episode 3: "What Kate Does."

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

I want to thank Emily at The Lost Albatross for providing me with today's lead-off photograph, although she was inspired by a Bruce (BtotheD) tweet. I admire Emily and her blog because she's a tremendous talent that had the drive and faith in herself to abandon the daily grind and become a self-made Renaissance woman. I admire Bruce and his tweets because he's exactly the type of Twitter user that you should follow. Where my tweets are a delicate mix of the funny and the mundane ("eatin cookies lol!"), he's usually in a constant state of well-crafted goodness; much like his hair.

Enough ass kissing. Let's move on.

At approximately Noon today, my wife will be undergoing LASIK surgery. The Missus is looking forward to having her eyes corrected, as a lifetime of poor vision has left her with migraine headaches, expensive pairs of prescription glasses and a terrifying gargoyle of a husband whom she has never seen in the light of day. For her, this represents breaking free of the chains of a dulled sense; the brilliant wonder of being able to see the alarm clock without fumbling for her spectacles on the nightstand. For me, it represents being woefully broke for the next 18 months and carefully administering medicated drops to her corneal flaps without passing clean out.

You may recall that I spent the first half of January recovering from getting my Wisdom Teeth pulled (hilarious essay still forthcoming). What they did to me was heinous, no question about it. I had teeth sawn in half, corkscrewed straight out of the socket, wrapped around nerves, you name it. I even had part of my jawbone shaved down to keep my mouth from falling off, or something like that; the anesthesia came on hard halfway during the instructions. They even cut a portion of my gumline and flapped it over in order to surgically remove an impacted tooth (I think they said it was near my spinal cord), later stitching it up and making a solemn vow to never speak of the incident again, only to have me force it out of them days later at the follow-up consult. It hurt, I couldn't eat and I swallowed a gallon of blood. It was a tremendous pain in the ass, and I'm sincerely glad it's over.

The point I'm making is this. I'd get my Wisdom Teeth pulled every day for a month before I willingly allowed a robot to peel my cornea off and fiddle with my ocular jelly.

I know it's relatively painless. I know the success rate is through the roof. I know that the aftercare is boringly cut and dry. Don't care. Too scary. What that oral surgeon did to me was worthy of any Torture Porn movie, but I'd do it all over again if I knew it would save my vision just as good as LASIK could.

When you come home from LASIK, your eyes are still in the process of healing from the incisions, so they make you sleep with goggles on. Know why? So you don't accidentally claw your corneas out while you sleep. Can...can you even fathom something so horrible? One moment, you're blissfully and subconsciously scratching a light itch in the corner of your eye. The next moment, you're screaming in front of the bathroom mirror, fingers crimson and gooey as you slowly fade into permanent blindness.

Okay, maybe that's not what would happen, but I'm not taking any chances.

Perhaps I'm taking my good eyeballs for granted, and don't know what I'd be willing to do in exchange for perfect vision because I've always had it. Maybe if I equated LASIK to something I really wanted to change about my body, I'd be more willing to accept the temporary discomfort for the lifetime of satisfaction. For example, I suppose I'd put up with the zappin' and flappin' if it made me five inches taller. Or if it leveled off that weird peg lateral tooth that I have. Or if it decreased my penis size so I could wear shorts in the Summer for once. When you put it that way, it's already starting to hit home a little more for me.

In short, the Missus is a trooper, and I hope that LASIK is everything she thought it would be; instantly remedying her longtime struggles with vision and allowing the world to see her beautiful eyes without the barrier of prescription lenses.

Eventually, that is. She'll be wearing those giant Senior Citizen sunglasses for awhile.

In the Alternate Timeline, Kate takes Claire to the hospital so she can have her baby, shortly after finding out that the adoption fell though. On the Present Day Island, Dogen is worried that the recently-resurrected Sayid might be batshit evil, just like Present Day Claire.

That's it.

I'm serious.



Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your weekend. If you want to continue obsessing over Lost, check out my buddies over at Surviving 815; they'll take good care of you. In the meantime, here's a link to every Lost Friday so far this season. See you next time.

Season 6 - Episode 1/2.

Tuesday, February 9

Three Items Of Interest (If You Still Find Me Interesting).



1. I know we're just 40 days into 2010, but I wanted to give you a quick update as to how work on my next book is coming along. If you recall, I officially announced work on Book #2 at the beginning of the year, and true to the 80/20 Rule, things have been going smoothly as I take care of the easier tasks at hand.

I have completed first drafts of over 50 preexisting essays, and broke ground on a handful of brand new ones to boot. My goal is that by the end of Summer, I'll have about 20 more new essays to join the stack come editing time. A lot of these stories will no doubt be cut or heavily tweaked during the Fall, but I wanted to enter the compilation process with as solid and varied a selection of material as possible.

At Christmas, I promised my Grandmother that she'd have the book in her hands by the end of 2010, and we're right on track thus far. 65 Poor Life Decisions came out at the end of November 2007, and while three years between books was a little longer than I wanted (most of my 2007 interviews stated that I was already hard at work), I'm still pleased and confident that 2010 will see the release of my Sophomore effort.



2. For those that continue to ask, the next CDP Worldwide Mix-Tape Trade 7 will most likely take place in March. I already have the theme picked out, and I'll fill you in on everything you need to know just as soon as the date arrives. This will be our seventh Trade (we've had over 150 Mixes created by over 100 people), and I promise it'll be bigger and more creative than ever.

For those who have never participated in the CDP Worldwide Mix-Tape Trade but are interested, please keep an eye on the CDP in early March (same goes for the veterans, too); it should be a good time.

3. On Friday, I'll be driving the Missus to TLC Laser Eye Center for Lasik surgery. As not everyone can have Superhero-esque vision like yours truly, she will be going under the bladeless knife in an attempt to shed her lifelong near-blindness. She's eager, excited and optimistic, so if you have a minute, send some love and encouragement her way.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day. Lost Friday is up next.

Monday, February 8

Fistfight In The Parking Lot.



Last weekend's episode of SNL was fantastic; easily the best of the season (although John Hamm's effort was great, too), and one of my favorites over the last couple years. Many, many sketches are worth your time and effort on Hulu, but nothing made me laugh harder than the final sketch of the night, starring Fred Armisen, host Ashton Kutcher and my Favorite Guy In Rock, Dave Grohl.

Enjoy. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.