Monday, March 3

1989 CDP Re-Evaluation.

I found this First Grade evaluation amongst a pile of papers my mother sent me last year. You're going to want to click on the images to make them larger. It's worth it.

1989 Evaluation.

The handwriting on the bottom reads: "The boys think he's really smart, but they're getting tired of his cockiness." She also takes the time to underline 'impulsive' and mention that I have an authority problem, along with the X's painting a picture of me that's nothing short of unstoppable evil.

There's so much more. Keep reading.

1989 Evaluation.

Again, she takes the time to mention that I'm 'passively' uncooperative, and circles some of the most life-scarring and potentially damaging adjectives a person can say about a child. 'Tics?' 'Bizarre?' Goddamn. I'm quite certain that they no longer use this evaluation form at Winneconne Elementary School.

Notice that she never had anything bad to say about my academic achievements. This was all due in part to my being extremely bored with the coursework presented. She didn't stimulate me whatsoever, and I had nothing better to do than to entertain myself.

The grand finale is the final comment, which reads: "Ryan is way above First Grade level work. I must always keep him busy, because if I don't, he's distracting others. He has no sympathy for anyone and laughs at other children's mistakes. He also makes up stories and lies."

The 'has no sympathy for anyone and laughs at other children's mistakes' line is, without question, one of the funniest things anyone has ever written about me. I laugh my ass off every time I read it.

Almost 25 years later, and I haven't changed a bit, and that's a damn shame. After all, who would want to be a overachieving, defiant, anti-authority storyteller with no time or tolerance for stupidity? What a terrible fate that would have been.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

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