Tuesday, September 2

The CDP 2014-2015 Fall TV Preview.

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IT'S BACK!

For the 9th goddamn year, the CDP is back with the scoop on 50 new, returning and canceled TV shows. These are the shows that I will be watching (or at least giving a chance to) this fall. All times are Central and the time slot information is accurate as of the date this was written. I also stuck with mostly national TV and some basic cable; I did not include premium channels, because the CDP is accommodating to TV fans in all tax brackets and considers piracy a crime literally worse than mass murder.

And hey, if this preview isn't enough for you, feel free to take a trip in the Wayback Machine to see my 8 other Fall Previews:

2005-2006 Preview. (Remember Invasion and Night Stalker?)
2006-2007 Preview. (Remember The Unit and Studio 60?)
2007-2008 Preview. (Remember Kid Nation and Carpoolers?)
2008-2009 Preview. (Remember The Goode Family and Lipstick Jungle?)
2009-2010 Preview. (Remember Time Warp and FlashForward?)
2010-2011 Preview. (Remember Detroit 1-8-7 and Better With You?)
2011-2012 Preview. (Remember Alcatraz and Awake?)
2013-2014 Preview. (Remember Animal Practice and The Neighbors?)

Let's do this, starting from the top.

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SUNDAY
6-7p - America's Funniest Home Videos (ABC - 10/5)
6:30-7p - Bob's Burgers (FOX - 10/5)
7-7:30p - The Simpsons (FOX - 9/28)
7-8p - Once Upon A Time (ABC - 9/28)
7-10p - Sunday Night Football (NBC - 9/4)
7:30-8p - Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX - 9/28)
8-9p - The Walking Dead (AMC - 10/12)
8:30-9p - Mulaney (FOX - 10/5)
9-10p - Talking Dead (AMC - 10/12)

The Skinny! - Timeslot mainstay AFV brings the (scrotal) pain at 6, followed by the best animated series on TV, Bob's Burgers. The Simpsons begins Season 26 on the heels of their record-breaking marathon on FXX, and Once Upon A Time brings their neverending fairytale to ABC at 7. FOX comedies Brooklyn Nine-Nine and newcomer Mulaney have the unenviable task of going up against Sunday Night Football. And where some shows begin to coast and lose their audience after 4 seasons, The Walking Dead only gets bigger, badder and decapitate-ier as we roll into the much-anticipated Season 5.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - The Walking Dead continues to be a ratings anomaly and is arguably the best show on television. Put the kids to bed and jump on board. Then go back and watch every other episode.

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MONDAY
7-8p - Gotham (FOX - 9/22)
7-8p - Antiques Roadshow (PBS - 9/22)
7-10p - Monday Night Raw (USA - Ongoing)
7:30-10:30p - Monday Night Football (ESPN - 9/8)
9-9:30p - Louie (FX - Midseason)

The Skinny! - Please let Gotham be awesome and make me forget that Ben Affleck is now donning the rubber suit. Elsewhere, Antiques Roadshow appraises 2 THE EXTREME at 7, Monday Night Raw holds fast as the most-watched weekly show on cable, and Monday Night Football showers us with concussions, illegal contact penalties and commercials for Hooters. God help me, I love football so much. Finally, Louie returns for a truncated Season 5, which is better than nothing, which is exactly what we received in 2013.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - If nick-knacks, football, superheroes and wrasslin' aren't for you, there's plenty to be excited for when it comes to Louie.

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TUESDAY
7-8p - The Flash (CW - 10/7)
8-9p - Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC - 9/23)
8-9p - Agent Carter (ABC - Midseason)

The Skinny! - It's Nerd Night in America, as The Flash, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Marvel spinoff Agent Carter make you forget about how terrible and lonely your life is.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - Who knows how good Agent Carter and The Flash will turn out to be, but Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. started good and ended better, so they're definitely earning prime space on my DVR.

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WEDNESDAY
7-7:30p - The Middle (ABC - 9/24)
7:30-8p - The Goldbergs (ABC - 9/24)
8-8:30p - Modern Family (ABC - 9/24)
8-9p - Mythbusters (DISC - Midseason)
8-9p - Red Band Society (FOX - 9/17)
9-10p - Nashville (ABC - 9/24)
9-10p - The Ultimate Fighter (FS1 - 9/10)

The Skinny! - Wednesday night starts off with solid comedies The Middle, Modern Family and (the exceptional) The Goldbergs on ABC. On cable, Mythbusters returns for another season of putting urban legends to bed, while Red Band Society tries to be Glee in a children's hospital or something (I'm unclear on the details, but it looks cute). The Ultimate Fighter returns with an all-female lineup of terrifying martial artists competing for the UFC's inaugural 115lb. title, and Nashville brings the heartbreak at 9.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - Modern Family poops emmys and justifiably so, but I wholeheartedly believe that The Goldbergs is one of the best shows on TV right now, especially for children of the 1980's. 

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THURSDAY
6-6:15p - Adventure Time (TOON - Midseason)
6:30-6:45p - Regular Show (TOON - Midseason)
7-7:30p - Parks and Recreation (NBC - Midseason)
7-10p - Thursday Night Football (CBS - 9/11)
8-9p - Gracepoint (FOX - 10/2)
9-9:30p - Maron (IFC - Midseason)
9-10p - Secrets and Lies (ABC - Midseason)

The Skinny! - Adventure Time and Regular Show are the perfect yin and yang of the Cartoon Network (the decriminalization of marijuana only did favors for these shows), while Parks and Recreation begins their 7th and final (sniff) season on NBC. Thursday Night Football premieres on free TV this year, while Gracepoint is a new crime drama starring David Tennant. Maron appears to be getting better with each episode, and Secrets and Lies looks to bring a good old-fashioned murder mystery back to ABC.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - You watch Parks and Recreation. There's no question about it. It's sincerely one of the greatest NBC comedies ever made, and that's saying something.

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FRIDAY
7-9p - Friday Night Smackdown (SYFY - Ongoing)
9-10p - Constantine (NBC - 10/24)

The Skinny! - BORK LASER SAY IF YOU NO WATCH SMACKDOWN I KILL YOUR BODY.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - Constantine is about an enigmatic and irreverent con man-turned-reluctant supernatural detective who is thrust into the role of defending us against dark forces from beyond. So yeah, we're all going to watch that.

But seriously though, Brock Lesnar will find you and kill you.

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SATURDAY
7-7:30p - Cops (SPIKE - 8/23)
10:30p-5a - Toonami* (TOON - Ongoing)

(*Toonami's lineup currently consists of Attack On Titan, Space Dandy, Bleach, Naruto Shippuden, One Piece, Gurren Lagann, Beware The Batman, Black Lagoon, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Cowboy Bebop, Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Samurai Jack.)

The Skinny! - Look, you should have fun on Saturday. Spend time with your loved ones, have a drink and a few laughs, but be sure to get your ass back to the television by the time Toonami begins. And don't plan on sleeping, either, because it runs all night. As a warm-up, new episodes of Cops continue to air on Spike.

But I Can Only Watch One Show! - You watch the SHIT out of Attack On Titan.

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CANCELED/NOT RETURNING
Most of the shows that left our televisions last season wholly deserved to. And let's face it, most of the new shows premiering this year will do the same, if they're lucky enough to even make it through a full episode run. If you noticed, there aren't a lot of new shows that made my list this year. But there are two shows worth noting: One that is moving to the scary new world of online streaming, and one that may go down as the greatest Drama in TV history.

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Breaking Bad swept the Emmys for two years in a row, set Guinness records for critical acclaim, and most impressively, won the massive, 128-show, two month long CDP TV 25 Tournament to determine the Greatest TV Show of the Last 25 Years. It deserved everything it got, and it stands to reason that history will be nothing but kind to this one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

The story of Community is astounding. A show so weird it had no business being on NBC, getting cancelled only to be revived due to fan outcry, having their creator fired and then reinstated, and finally being revived for a 6th season on Yahoo! Screen. Wow. This is one of the few web-based shows I will definitely be watching this season; Jeff Winger and company are characters worthy of being followed.

Well, there you have it. The scoop on my personal Fall TV schedule, for the 9th year running. Set your DVR’s, sound off in the comments section and enjoy your week. Don’t forget to tell me the shows you plan on watching on My Twitter and over on My Facebook. And hey, go buy one of my books while you're at it. Thanks much; have a good one.