Friday, April 9

Celebrity Fan Mail!

I wanted to do something different today. I've been busy with Easter weekend, as I'm sure that most of you are as well. So needless to say, I can't post anything really long this Friday. I've got a life outside of this, you know.

However, I have been getting some really great e-mails from people who enjoy the Communist Dance Party, a lot of which are celebrities. Instead of hogging all these to myself, I wanted to share some of my favorites with you. So without further adieu, I present to you: Celebrity Fan Mail.

Our first letter comes to us from Flava Flav:

Yo, boy-eeee! This is ya homeboy Flava Flav, lettin' you know how much I dig the C to the D-P, boy-eee! You know what I'm sayin'? Out!

I'd like to thank Mr. Flav for the kind words. I also hope he has a quick and successful trial.

This next piece of mail comes to us from everyone's favorite punk, Avril Lavigne:

OMG! I just LUV it herrr!!1! UR HOTT!! Ur mustache ROXORS! RU married?

Sorry to break it to you, but I will be getting married soon, and thus, off the proverbial market. I will send you my mustache in the mail. Go Maple Leafs!

I never thought I'd get a conservative fan, but then I received recieved this letter from Jerry Fallwell:

I am deeply offended and saddened by your views and lifestyle. I fear for your soul, and I pray nightly for you to see the light. Here are some of your views that I find unhealthy and anti-Christian:

Being pro-choice
Supporting gay rights
Being anti-war
Your decision to live in Madison, the most corrupt and Liberal city in the Midwest

I find these things to be a direct violation to the Christian faith. I did, however, find one thing you said very funny. Last week you said, "I think Mel Gibson has finally lost it. And when I mean "it", I mean the memo about the Jews running Hollywood". This was funny and insightful, as Jews and fags are bound for hell.

Praise Jesus!

Thanks for the letter. I'll try harder in the future to be a better Christian.

I was just as happy and surprised as you are when I got a letter from Springfield's very own Duff Man:

(To be read in the Duff Man voice for maximum entertainment)
Duff Man LOVES a party! Especially when it involves the Communists! Oh, yeah! (thrusts pelvis rhythmically)

Thank you Duff Man. You're welcome here any time.

As much as I don't get along with her, I was still excited to recieve a line from America's Sweetheart, Courtney Love:

Hi there. Do you have a dollar that I can borrow? I'll make it worth your while.

Sorry Courtney, I have nothing to give you. And big ups to blowing off Kurt's head 10 years ago. If you have some time to spare from being such a good mother, maybe you could take a second to turn the shotgun on yourself. Have a great day!

And finally, Bat Boy:


Hey, Bat Boy! I'm a big fan of yours. Thanks for checking me out.

And thanks to YOU for checking me out. Have a good Easter with loved ones, or at the very least, relatives that you can stand for about an hour.


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