Wednesday, July 14

Search Me!

I've just got something fun for you today. I've noticed that every now and then, people actually visit my page who do not know me, and haven't been instructed by me to do so. These people stumble across my page just like they would stumble across any other page on the Interweb.

So I decided to do some digging, and figure out just what the hell it was they were searching for when they fell into my soft, tiny hands. The results may shock and confuse you.

Here's a small sampling of things people have punched into search engines. Worse still, my page was listed there waiting for them. Worst of all, they ended up clicking on MY link.

Posters for dinner and dance party
Communist hat
Communist food
Duff Man clips
Tom Landry hat
Coastal Drag
Polybius Legend
New Wave Jacket lyrics
Communist dead
I'll mess with Texas

Some of them I can understand. The "I'll mess with Texas" thing tends to bring a lot of people to my page. I give my posts weird names, and when you punch them into Google, I show right up. I find it very endearing that I'm the #1 search term for "I'll mess with Texas". If you punch in most of my post titles, chances are my page will always be first on the list. The Polybius and Sinneslochen things are part of an awesome arcade legend I suggest you look into further. There's a lot of material on it, but I spelled "SinnesloSchen" incorrectly the first time. Therefore, any dumbass that spells it like me will end up here. They deserve it.

But communist dead? Communist food? Communist hat? Seriously? Some guy sitting in his parents basement at night wondering what members of the Communist Party eat, and what they use to keep their heads warm when they're dead. (It's vegetarian tacos and a Red Sox cap, respectively.)

And the raver thing is great too. Everyone knows how much I adore the rave culture. I bet this guy was happy as a Christmas clam when he saw how much of my page I had devoted to just what he was looking for. Glow sticks at bargain basement prices, pictures of ballrooms squished to the rafters with skeletal ninnies and pacifiers. If I wanted to have a dry-hump fest with a hundred filthy people I didn't want to talk to, I would come back to Winneconne for the street dance more often.

(Apart from all the cool pages I've nestled myself next to on Google, I've become aware that I'm also next to a lot of hate pages and the like. Careful clicking, ya racist. I also had a ton of hilarious raver pictures to show you, but you should really be searching for that yourself.)

I hope you have one of those new computers with speakers, because I'm going to lose my audiopost virginity tomorrow. Come back to check out the deflowering.

"dry hump"...that's gross.
Tell me about it.

...It's good in some situations though. It's a safe way to experience with sexuality at a young age. Or in my case, now.
I don't want to hear about your dry-humping and experiencing it at a young age. That's gross.
I'm talking about... oh, nevermind! This is private!
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