Sunday, August 1

Candy Mountain.

Before we get down to business here, just a few things I wanted to tell you about:

1. We started filming "72 Hours". Go to the official page for the script and all necessary information.
2. Doom 3 is out! It's 55 bucks right now, but I'm sure you can find it for less somewhere.
3. Green Day's masterpiece "American Idiot" comes out on September 21. You just wait and see, they're going to change your life again.

But enough of that. We need to talk now about a common topic in Web Logs.


I know it's a huge cliche', and I don't want to talk about it just as much as you don't want to read about it, but due to something that happened to me this weekend, I feel it must be addressed.

I am what Alcoholics Anonymous would call a "social drinker". I have 2-3 drinks a month, only with my Wife and friends, usually when we're out for dinner somewhere. I have one drink, and I don't drive home 90% of the time. My 130-pound frame, coupled with my complete lack of alcohol retention means that I don't have to drink nearly anything to impair myself. I'm usually not looking to impair myself, because my ability to get sick far outreaches my ability to enjoy liquor. A nice Cosmopolitan might be good for an hour, but when you fall off the bed everytime you shut your eyes, you start to wonder if there was a better way to spend that 6 bucks.

Growing up amongst a steady stream of booze and toxic smoke, I avoid bars like the plague now that I'm older. My childhood is jam-packed with memories of hammered Fathers and Uncles. I've spent many nights in the passenger seat of drunk-driven cars, where I'd be better off behind the wheel, even as a 6-year old. On one night in particular, me and my Cousin were left unattended in a running car abandoned by his Dad. 4 seconds later, the same car was rolling backwards down our driveway into the street. I can't remember how this story ends, but we're both still here, so that's good enough for me. But back to what I was trying to get to.

On Friday, me, Celia, Ben and Sherry went out for Italian in celebration of our first day of filming "72 Hours". In honesty, we started filming the morning afterwards, but a premature celebration was our nature. I ordered up a Long Island Ice Tea, which has been my drink of choice for the last few weeks. This drink has a fair amount of hooch in it, but I figured I had enough of them to know what to expect.

Instead of my Tea, I received a tall glass of straight brandy.

It was gone before I realized what had happened.

Hey, screw you boozehound! I had no idea what was going on. Sure, it burned like hell and tasted like gasoline, but every place makes their drinks differently. I figured that this bartender was having an off night, in reality he was pouring me a 39 dollar drink.

I was instantly smashed.

Apparently I made an ass of myself. Incredibly inappropriate, too loud and too emotional. Like a woman with a severe hormonal imbalance, I laughed and cried simultaneously, as Sherry made me drink the rest of it. I then demanded we go to Best Buy, where I hassled a stock boy and fed my credit card the wrong way into the machine 18 times. I was embarrassed and didn't hesitate to shout "I'm so embarrassed!" to anyone who would listen. I also kept shouting "I'm a faggot!" to the nice couple eating dinner behind us beforehand. I wanted to kill myself, but instead was carried to the car, where I was driven home to chill out. I did quickly, of course, but I learned myself a lesson.

Drinking too much=Not cool.

So the next morning at 6am, I awoke to start shooting my first movie. I felt awful, and I deserved it. Admittedly it was hilarious, but certainly not worth the cost.

Be careful with the booze, kids. I'm sure you're all way ahead of me on this though.

Tell me your drunk stories in the comment section.

I cannot even begin to print the experiences that I have had with alcohol. Not with drinking it just being around the people who consumed it and way too much of it at that. I am so hoping that the tinman checks in on this one I know he has many stories. "Gotta start somesime!"
Yes, with any luck Ryan will lay off the alcohol for a while...
I will. I think. I hope. Maybe.
I seem to remember a certain tale of a certain brother of mine, in which he ended up puking on the side of a certain father of mine's certain car. On the highway. At 70mph. I also discovered that, when drunk, he will do any shot you put in front of him. Hilarious!
I'm not going to start on mine, lets just say my 18th birthday was a 2 day party that no one remembers. Woot!
Damn you Fox News! You have corrupted the Communist Dance Party too?!?
What can I say, I feel better now that my soul is gone.

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