Thursday, December 9

Wilhelm Screamroller.

(Here are a few stories for your Thursday. I'm working hard on the CDP Year In Review, along with the Best + Worst of 2004, which I'll have up hopefully by the end of the week.)

Story #1 - If you haven't read already, someone killed "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott on stage last night in Columbus, Ohio. Darrell was the guitarist for Pantera and Damage Plan. The guy hopped on stage, put 6 bullets in his chest and then started firing into the crowd. He was finally killed by police after he murdered 4 people. There's going to be a LOT more coverage as the story starts to become more clear (for one, they haven't said if Vinnie, the drummer, was killed as well). The implications that this might have on safety at live concerts could be huge.

Say what you want about Pantera or Damage Plan, it's not really important. Just imagine if you were seeing your favorite band live, and someone got on stage and shot to death one of the members, before turning the gun on the crowd. This is a very sad story, plain and simple. The story is everywhere right now, so I'm not going to link you anywhere. If you want more info, go to Yahoo.

Story #2 - Fahrenheit 9/11 has been nominated for a People's Choice Award! Just go to and cast your vote. It only takes a second, seriously. Not only that, but middle America has promised a boycott of Hollywood if Fahrenheit 9/11 wins a People's Choice or Oscar. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Michael Moore had something to say about this, obviously. You can check it out on his Official page or at Boycott Unity.

Story #3 - While I was at work today, I noticed a man sitting in our waiting area. He looked a bit shifty and sad. The receptionist motioned for me to come over so she could tell me something. Leaning in very close, she whispered to me that this guy had just gotten out of jail and was a registered sex offender. She then told me that we were expecting another man to show up to speak in front of our Board. I asked her how I would know who this other guy was, and this is what she said to me:

"Well, he looks like Beetlejuice, and he just spent 10 years in a mental institution for killing his entire family."

Well, he shouldn't be too hard to spot.

Story #4 - This is proof positive that not only is Celia the perfect woman for me, but also that there's something seriously wrong with her.

We were watching Wheel of Fortune last night, and the final puzzle was on. Concentrating heavily on the show, the 2 of us hadn't really said anything to each other for about 5 minutes. The category was "Thing", and the puzzle looked like this:

_ _ R _ _ _ _

My brow furrowed, wondering what it could possibly be. Celia, in all seriousness and concentration, looks over at me and confidently says...


I damn near spit out my chocolate milk. Before I had the chance to catch my breath and explain to her that she just made up a vulgar word, the contestant selected some letters, and the puzzle now looked something like this:

_ AR _ BO _

Looking a bit embarrassed, Celia soon saw the error of her ways.

"Oh!" She said. "Fartbox."

I could go on with all the reasons this was funny to me, the timing, the sheer audacity, but I think you get the picture.

The correct answer was CARIBOU.


I really am the funniest person ever.
Oh, here are some updates to the Darrell Abbott story:

1. He got shot 5 times in the HEAD.
2. Vinnie was not killed in the shooting.
3. The cop killed the shooter with a shotgun blast to the head while he was holding a hostage (holy crap!).
4. They think there might have been videotape of the incident.
5. The shooter was yelling something about Pantera breaking up before the shooting.

That is wack.

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