Tuesday, July 5

Toronto Diary - Day Five.

Wednesday, June 22

Here's the day in 10 easy steps:

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(Niagara Falls was huge. It felt like a constant earthquake all around you. I'm not much for land formations and whatnot, but Niagara Falls delivered the goods.)

1. Drive to Niagara Falls.

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(This boat took you right into the falls. I was in no mood to ruin my camera and wear a poncho.)

2. Enjoy Niagara Falls.

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(See Mom? I really was calling you right from the falls. I could use my cell phone in Canada briefly when it was bouncing off the New York tower back in the states. USA! USA!)

3. Enjoy Niagara Falls strip.

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(Ben and Sherry quietly contemplate where to dispose the body of Natalee Holloway.)

4. Enjoy Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Museum.

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(This was a life-size model of Dr. Atkins just seconds before his mysterious death.)

5. Enjoy Dinosaur Miniature Golf.

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(By this point in the day, Froggie here was the only person who would listen to what I had to say. The food at the Rainforest Cafe always sucks, so take a few pictures and move on.)

6. Enjoy Niagara Falls arcade.

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(Here in the states, we don't have statues of cops in the street, so this seemed a bit out of place as far as I was concerned. Ben was arrested less than a minute later.)

7. Enjoy Hershey's Chocolate store.

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(This place was beautiful. There was chocolate everywhere, even the money was made of chocolate. That reminds me, I have to deposit some of that chocolate money at the bank.)

8. Enjoy Kelsey's restaurant for dinner.

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(This wasn't a staged photo. I was really that happy to be there, holding my giant peanut butter and chocolate cookie.)

9. Drive to Toronto.

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(This shot is for the Abercrombie catalog. They just need to photoshop my clothes off.)

10. Sleep.


(Questions, comments or concerns about day five? Sound off in the comments section.)

You could have a separate blog with only pics of statues and mascots. If you took a picture at a wax museum of yourself with a wax statue of Tony Little, the internet would explode.
Ryan! Please put the "portfolio" (meaning the potential wedding invitation photos) that Celia made for us on the internet, so that Ben and I can pick one!
I sent you and Ben the portfolio already. Check your e-mail, yo.

I have a penchant for statues and mascots, as they always take good pictures. That being said, if I were to see a wax statue of Tony Little, I would probably explode. That man has no idea why he's so funny.
You didn't happen to bring me anything from the Hershey's store...did you? Oh,and the Natlaee Holloway comment was not nice.
Sherry, you owe me 800 bucks for the portfolio by the way. I'll knock off 500 since you don't want any paper prints, though.

Natalee Holloway...that's hilarious.
So, Berry...did you get the pictures or not? I'm concerned.

I was going to bring some Hershey's store candy back home to the states, but it was seized and digested by border patrol (i.e. me).
You must really like cookies. I don't think you've ever looked that happy.
He's a phony-baloney liar; he didn't even EAT his whole cookie.

I, on the other hand, dropped 1/2 of my cookie on the pavement and chose to eat it anyway.
That picture of me with the cookie is, in my opinion, one of the funniest ever taken of me. True, I didn't eat the whole thing, but the Hershey's store really made me happy.
Woah. Season One of "Lost" comes out on September 6.

Unless you're some sort of pirate, then you can go straight to hell for 23 minutes.
We got the pictures and a few look good. Most of them feature me with either my eyes closed or with a weird-ass smirk on my face.

Watching my Lost dvd's as we speak

Ben and I got an idea! We wanted everyone to vote on a favorite picture of us for our wedding invitations. So, I would appreciate it if you could put pictures 1383, 1451, 1444, 1452, and 1453 and have people vote for them! Sound good?
Sherry, I'll put that up within the week. You two get more free publicity on here than Google.

If you guys are catching up on "Lost", don't tell me aboot it until after September 6.
It should be noted that the "23 Minutes in Hell" tape is actually like an hour or so. It continues on side B. At one point I was laughing hysterically...the guy was talking like such an idiot. Saying how he was the least likely person to go to hell, that he and his wife hate everything evil; they don't even like scary movies.
"The least likely person to go to hell." Sheesh. Holier than thou much?

That whole booklet went on and on about how worthless and awful everyone was, and how we were ALL going to hell eventually.

Here's a tip: If you're trying to convert someone, don't contradict yourself right away. Spread it out over the course of a lifetime.
Ryan, thanks for doing that for us. We'd like to get the invitations out as soon as possible. Also, Ben was just kidding about the whole stealing "Lost" thing. So, don't worry; we have no idea what's going on with its plot.
That doesn't make Ben any less of a dirty pirate.
Hey, I pirated Lost, too. I had already seen it when it aired, but it's so much better in widescreen hdtv format.

Silly Christians, what are they gonna do next? For real, I don't know specifically who you're talking about, but I know the type. It's especially sad/offensive to those of us that actually believe the gospel.
He's talking about a bunch of crazy born-agains that were marching in the fourth of July parade in Sun Prairie. They were beating drums, playing tambourines, and singing God's praises to a horrific recording of some contemporary Christian artist. Long story short, they saw us (Ben, Sherry, me, Ryan, Erin, and Aaron) and assumed we were "lost souls" and handed us a bunch of information about how not to be lost souls and a tape called "23 minutes in hell". Rather, a ridiculously poor copy of a tape by that name. Our copy had the name written on it in black magic marker and the sound quality resembled what it might sound like if the tape recorder were in the middle of a campfire while it was recording. It was horrible, fear-inducing Christian propaganda (and I can say that because we all are ALREADY Christians) about what hell will be like if we don't repent, yada yada yada. So there you have it...we decided the best thing to do would be to make a dance track out of it. If the tape wasn't going to be doing any converting, might as well make it cause some rump-shakin'!

This page has some info about it and some downloads if you're interested :)
Yar!!! I'll put thar' pictures up at sundown.

I TiVo "Lost", but for no reason in particular. Sometimes, something weird happens that you may need to see again.

Some Christians live in a funk of hypocricy, guilt and finger-pointing. They make real Christians look bad. Heck, they make America look bad.

Religion is a lot of things to a lot of people, but it's not a weapon, pedestal or Power Point presentation. Save it, people.

It really makes you wonder if they understand the point at all, you know?
Makes me wonder how a guy like that proposed to his wife. "Marry me, or you will be alone for the rest of your life! Do it! Maybe these brochures will help to convince you."
Guilt and brochures. I'm telling you, that's what Christianity is boiling down to.

Allow me to state the obvious: Why do we get sought out by these people everywhere we go? This religious profiling is embarrassing.

The bulk of my friends and I are intelligent Christians who just happen to sport tattoos (mostly my wife) and a lot of black clothing (mostly me). In the wildest dreams of the people who gave us that tape, they would have never guessed that we would go straight home and listen to it, which was exactly what we did!

Sherry still had the bandage on her tattoo at the parade, which was of a Jesus fish, I might add.

When I start handing out literature at parades, I'll know that I've finally strayed.

Rant over.
Oh, I didn't know you had tattoos. In that case, you actually are going to Hell.

You should carry Jack Chick tracts with you and offer to trade like you're trading baseball cards.
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How could Sherry still have her bandage on at the parade? Did she go back in a time machine? We got the tattoos like 3 hours after the parade was over....Not to mention, we all took our bandages off at the same time (after the fireworks, mind you) so why would she in particular still have hers on?
Okay, so I forgot that we went to the parade before the tattoos. The sentiment remains the same.

For the record, I have no tattoos, so I'll be just fine.

"See you in Hell! From Heaven."
Tattoos and lying? It just keeps getting worse.

On an unrelated note:
"That's game, Hendrix!"
When Homer made that guy's head explode in Heaven, I think I laughed for 3 straight minutes. Sadly, that's probably the first thing I would try to do.
I have tattoos AND piercings...I'm probably going to double go to hell, if that's possible.

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