Sunday, November 20

"Did They Take Her Kidneys?"

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Me and the Missus are not only prepared for the upcoming winter months, we are also prepared for Thanksgiving. I started by dying my hair orange. The official title is "Cinnamon Brown," but there's a whole lotta' cinnamon, and not much brown.

Just to diffuse the bomb before it goes off, this was as close to the Missus' appearance as I could manage. Yahoo Avatars is a fickle beast, and I did my best to capture the look of someone who looks nothing like anyone else. That's the price you pay when you appreciate originality. If it looks like her or not is up to the Missus herself, but I must say that the Avatar is pretty hot. My avatar looks almost exactly like me, minus the look of a man who hasn't slept or seen the sun in weeks.

Three days of work this week, then five straight days of vacation. It couldn't have come at a better time, really. We've both been run through the proverbial ringer at our collective places of employment, and a few days of rest, relaxation and tofurkey is just what we need to recharge.

This weekend, I spent some time with friends in the far northern reaches of the state. I had a good time. Apart from that, I've been relatively worthless; opting to watch way too much football and allow my page get completely overrun with BLAM! It's sad, really.

As I said, I'm working three days this week. When I'm not making meth in my cubicle or socializing with family and acquaintances, I'll be busy compiling the best comments of 2005 (click here for the best comments of 2004). It's a rough job, but someone has to do it, and there's too much outsourcing in this country as is. The CDP never takes a vacation, except for when I do. I have a ton of stuff that is still on the way for the second half of SWEEPS MONTH, and I hope you enjoy it.

Speaking of which, I've been very happy with the traffic this month, and I wish there was something I could do to thank each and every eight of you (zing!). Last year, I told people that I would send them all a dollar, but I didn't feel like breaking a five (zong!). But seriously folks, thanks for hanging out here. If it weren't for you, I would have gotten an actual writing job years ago (zoing!).

So, what's everyone's plans for Thanksgiving? Where are you going? What are you doing? Lay it on me, and start the conversation in the comments section. Personally, me and the Missus are heading back up nort' to mingle with the respective families, suffer inoperable amounts of road rage and wear fruity sweaters. I can't wait.

All this month, I've been sitting here hitting refresh every five minutes to try to make it the best sweeps month ever, I'm glad it's working. (bort!)

I'm going to continue my tradition from my last two thanksgivings and have thanksgiving dinner at the Wafflehouse. I'll have warm pecan pie for dessert. The only downside to this tradition is that every year it includes turning down multiple offers from people to join their family for the day. Luckily, I'm an INTP and don't readily consider others' feelings.
It truly is the best Sweeps Month ever. Of course, it's only the 2nd Annual Sweeps Month, but it's always nice to improve (squink!).

Thanksgiving at Wafflehouse. Maybe me and the Missus can start a "Thanksgiving at the IHOP" tradition or something. Sounds quite liberating.

INTP, pshhhh.
Why are you girls so crazy, yo?

Taking votes now... I shaved the chin, and am now sporting the stache and soul patch. How many days before I get sick of it?
You might as well just go all the way, RJ, and just rock the solitary stache.

The avatar looks like me circa 5 years ago, and that's all I could ask for. I'm choosing to ignore my present self.

Thanksgiving shall be spent amongst family, eating a plethora of meatless dishes.
Oh, I've got to see a photo of this.
Solitary staches rule!

Meatless dishes rule!
Solitary mustaches can never return. They just can't. It's just not good for anybody, it never was.

A mustache without a beard is like wearing a belt without any pants. It just doesn't make sense.
I'll be spending Thanksgiving alone, at work. Maybe someone will bring me some turkey and stuffing.
And the solitary stache won't work, cuz I'm keeping the soul patch when I ditch it. Just felt like doing it for a day or so.

So the girl I was seeing is pissed at me now... I can't help it if I don't feel as strongly about her as she does for me. Aaron knows what's up there... yes, I told her. I may have a stache, but I'm not a complete creep.
If you're going for the "I'm not a pervert/rapist" vibe, maybe you should get rid of the 'stache.

On second thought, keep it. It'll be funny.
That's totally what I'm going for here. All the great serial killers had stache's. Like... umm... ok, none that I can think of. But Ron Jeremy had one, and that's good enough for me!

The old guy on 3rd shift at my work looks like an elderly Ron Jeremy. It's pretty funny.

How do you not have a picture of Jesus Ben on the new site!?
A mustache without a beard is like wearing a belt without any pants. It just doesn't make sense. Bravo!

The only way you can rock a solitary 'stache is if you're a greasy cop. Fortunately for all of us, RJ IS a greasy cop, so this should all play out very nicely.

Sorry about the lady troubles. Nobody wants to think that they are more committed to a relationship than their partner, so she's feeling a little unloved and possibly betrayed right now. You can either use this chance to make a break for it, or invest more into it and show her she's worth it.

Step one? Grow a moustache.
How do you not have a picture of Jesus Ben on the new site!?

If that was directed at me, you should have posted it on my site. It's out of context here. If you're going to comment about my post, post your comment there, you jerk. Have some decency.

And the answer is: there is a picture of Jesus Ben on the site. There's not much there, so it shouldn't be too hard to find it. Buh.
Yup, Jesus Ben is alive and well on the interweb.

RJ is indecent on account of his moustache.
I did it cuz the stache told me to.

It's also telling me to burn down City Hall and run nude through downtown Appleton.
Oh come on now, nudity has never solved anything. At least not male nudity.
The "Stache told me so" defense doesn't hold up in court very well, but you never know in Appleton.

I must say that since the smoking ban has taken effect in most of Wisconsin, going out is significantly better than it used to be. Now you can hang out, shoot some pool and have a drink without having to deal with all the problems that toxic smoke can bring you. When the nation goes smoke-free, Madison and Appleton will be looked at as early trendsetters.

Who says male nudity never solved anything? Didn't you see that naked guy on Jeopardy? He won 6 days in a row!

Oh man, does anyone remember that episode of Cheers when Cliff was on Jeopardy? Classic TV, right there. He wasn't naked, though.
I hear Stephen Avery is going with the stache defense this time around. Hey, if it worked for OJ...
(In my best Johnny Cochrane voice:)

"If the stache don't fit, then you must acquit!"
It's just proof.. the killer had a stache, he doesn't. THEREFORE, he can't be the killer.
Will hopefully have a stache pic up online within the next 24 hours... I will challenge anyone to a "stache-off". Except Ben. Cuz he's quite the hairy fellow.
That means you, Sherry!
I bet Sherry could beat you if you gave her some prep time.

Kidding. I think.
Cliff Claven. That's a mustache. One of my favorite lines I've ever heard from a television set is Cliff fighting with his mom yelling "Oh yeah?! Well it takes two to be codependent!"
I do a pretty good Cliff impression. It's fun to impress your friends by imitating a classic sitcom character that most of your generation has forgotten.

I liked when Cliff was trying to explain to the bar that he could predict the name of the next President.

"If you were to go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa."
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I wonder if kids under 20-25 now think of Cheers in the same way I think of the show Taxi or M.A.S.H. I don't understand why people thought those shows were funny. I'm sure Seinfeld's going to be the same way, if it's not already.
By the way, I'm taking this Cheers discussion as license to start including references to Cheers in comments.
Sounds like a fair enough assumption to me.

Some people will never understand Seinfeld. Their loss, I say. Seinfeld and Cheers were quite similar if you consider what kept the storylines moving and whatnot. It was the same locations every week, the same handful of people and the same old problems, but the great writing and acting pushed the show along and made it classic.

When it's all said and done, it's the writing and characters that make a show memorable. This is what we saw with Arrested Development the last few years, what we saw with Seinfeld in the 90's, and what we're seeing with Lost now.
Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George tried to tell George Wendt that they need to take the show out of the bar, when Jerry was on The Tonight Show?

They need to let Larry David write and direct an episode of Lost.
I never watched Seinfeld when it was on because all of the trendies at school talking about it. Now I watch the reruns on Fox 11, and it's pretty enjoyable.

What does all this talk about mustaches have to do with me? I don't know if you noticed, but I'm a girl, and I can't grow hair on my face...
Me and Aaron had a moustache growing contest in high school. I believe it came out in a draw.

I HATE Cheers.
Ted Danson=the bald devil

May he and all of Gulliver's travels burn in hellfire eternal.
I love Cheers but I hate Frasier, and I really really hate the show Becker.

I think it would be funny if there were a trend among high schoolers of magic-markering mustaches on their own faces.
That Seinfeld episode was great. Then Norm goes on the show and makes fun of him. People don't realize that George Wendt is a very good and versitile comedic actor. I'm reminded of when he hosted that episode of SNL that was "directed" by Francis Ford Coppola.

We played with a band once that magic-markered moustaches on their faces. They weren't very funny though. I say if women can magic-marker their eyebrows, men can magic-marker their facial hair. It's only fair.
I would kick your ass in a moustache growing contest these days. Especially if it was a gross-looking moustache contest.

A friend of mine has a tattoo on his index finger of a moustache, so when he puts his finger under his nose it looks like he has said moustache. It's ridiculous.
Yeah, I think it would be funny to me if magic markering their face was cool to them.

Did you ever see the Cheers-related Earth Day TV special? It was really terrible, obviously not written by the Cheers writing staff, painful to watch. It was good, though, in that it was a good illustration in how writing really makes (or breaks) a show.
That is the best use of a tattoo I've ever heard of in my life.
Never saw the earth day special, but I can imagine it was horrible.

Wow, that tattoo idea is fantastic. I was holding off on getting a tattoo because I wanted to make sure I was picking something that I'd want to be associated with for the rest of my life, but I think I just found it.

Longest sentence ever.
It's a functional tattoo, and that's not a thing you can say for most tattoos. He definitely gets a laugh out of everyone the first time they see it.
Ryan, I think I mentioned you should read this, so here it is:
Tyler's AT article on "Family Matters"

He has a few others online...I can get some links if you'd like. That kid is awesome.
That's a pretty funny article. Family Matters was a bad show. It couldn't hold a candle to Full House in the TGIF lineup.

Of course, everything pales in comparison to Perfect Strangers.
Staaaandingg taaaalllllll, on the wings of my dreaammms... Riiisssse and faaalllll, on the wings of my dreams.

Oh man, remember when Balky worked in the pawn shop and souped up the antique radio with a booming stereo system, and then sold it for cheap? That is good television. Oh, Larry Appleton, what's become of you?
That had better not have been a M*A*S*H bashing comment. That is seriously one of the greatest shows ever. Hawkeye is my hero. And after season 6, BJ has a stache. He even draws it on his surgical mask! That's classic TV right there. I own up through season 8 on DVD. For the record, I'm 21.
Maybe it's appeal skips a generation. That's the only explanation I have for it.

I did a little research on the 1990 Cheers/Earth Day TV special I was talking about. I was over-remembering the role Cheers played in it, though a small part of it was at Cheers. The "plot" was that Mother Earth (played by Bette Midler) is dying. What's funny is that I couldn't find anything on the internets making fun of it, and I know for a fact it was really awful, despite it's star-studded lineup.

Earth Day Special
Disgusting stache pics now up on
Was that the first ever 'stache-BLAM?
First and last, if I have any say in the matter.

Woah, you look sort of evil in your profile pic. Evil cop!

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