Friday, December 2

Lost Friday - "What Kate Did."

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Season 2 – Episode 9 – “What Kate Did.”

Once again, another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

With Lost going on a 5-week hiatus after Wednesday's episode, they needed a cliffhanger to keep people guessing and obsessing over the holiday season. “What Kate Did” delivered, giving us one of the most important episodes of the series thus far. That being said, it was one of the most frustrating hours of television I’ve seen all year.

Wikipedia, give me the skinny!


You know what? Screw Wikipedia. No offense or anything, but for weeks now, I’ve been cutting, pasting and editing the user-submitted episode reviews so they're legible and accurate enough to put up here. This week’s Wiki-review is paltry and full of holes, so I’m taking over the reigns today. Besides, my reviews are way better. Always.

CDP, give me the updated skinny!


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(This is what happens when George Bush tries to make toast.)

Right smack at the beginning of the episode, we find out what Kate initially did to start her life on the run. After taking an insurance policy out on the family’s house under her mother’s name, Kate causes a gas leak and blows it sky-high.

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("Let's get you all ready for the explosion, Pops.")

I should also mention that Wayne, her drunken stepfather, was passed out in the house at the time. Kate takes off and visits her Mother at the diner where she works. She explains to her what had happened, gives her the insurance papers and disappears.

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("Mom, I killed Dad. Are you still serving breakfast?")

While at a bus station, the Marshall catches up with Kate as she attempts to get a ticket to Florida. Apparently, her mother turned her in to the authorities, and she was promptly arrested for murder. The Marshall takes her away to the station, but gets involved in a car accident, going off the road in an attempt to dodge a large black horse in the road. Weird. After a brief struggle, Kate breaks free and escapes again.

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(This is what happens when George Bush tries to make toast.)

Before she leaves for good, she stops at the military recruiting office where her father works. She discusses everything with him, including a discovery she had made. While looking through pictures of her father in the armed forces while comparing dates, she realized that he could not have been her real father. This meant that Wayne was her actual father, who she had just killed in the blast. We would later find out that Kate knew this before the explosion, choosing to kill him because she would never be able to feel good enough for anyone, knowing that asshole Wayne was her father. That takes care of that.

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(You can save your "Kate is a horse-face" jokes; I'm way ahead of you.)

Back on the island, Kate starts seeing the same black horse that caused the accident with the Marshall. Chalking it up to lack of sleep, she ignores it for the time being. Meanwhile, in the hatch, Sawyer starts asking Jack where Kate is. He then mumbles, “I love her.”

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(Rated TV-14: Excessive stubble advisory.)

Kate chooses to tend to Sawyer while everyone else is attending Shannon’s funeral (everyone except Ana Lucia, that is). While the funeral takes place, Sawyer has a bit of a possessed freak-out, choking Kate and demanding to know why she killed him. Shaken and stirred, Kate abandons the hatch, leaving Sawyer and the computer to fend for themselves.

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("Did you say something about my stubble?")

After the funeral, Locke and Jack arrive at the hatch to find Sawyer sprawled on the floor, the computer wailing with a few seconds to go and Kate nowhere to be seen.

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(This is what happens when George Bush tries to make toast.)

Locke enters the numbers just as the timer reaches zero, and Jack makes sure that Sawyer is stable before heading out to find Kate. When he catches up to her, they exchange bizarre dialogue before Kate breaks down and kisses him. She then runs off, leaving Jack by himself to wonder what just happened.

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("Please. Say something, anything nice about my stubble.")

Back in the hatch, Kate starts looking over Sawyer again, now thinking if he is channeling the spirit of Wayne (he did ask her why she killed him, after all). She tells him why she killed him just as Sawyer starts coming to. Eventually, Sawyer becomes coherent again and asks where he is. Considering that he’s in a bed, Sawyer thinks that they have been saved, but Kate takes him outside to prove they are still on the island. It’s at that point where they both see the black horse on the island. Kate touches it just as it runs away.


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(Even after a plane crash, Locke still likes to bust out the vacation tapes.)

Locke is explaining to Michael what they know so far about the hatch. Mr. Eko seems strangely interested in this conversation, beginning to open up a dialogue with Locke. Michael remarks that there are blast doors in the hatch, which come down in the case of an explosion. Locke also clarifies that the numbers can’t be entered into the computer until the clock is at 4 minutes. Locke then shows Michael and Eko the Orientation tape, which again, clearly has pieces removed from it. Locke doesn’t think too much of it, but Eko sits him down later with a surprise.

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(This copy of the Old Testament had a coupon in it.)

Eko tells Locke that they had found another hatch on the other side of the island, containing, among other strange things, the Old Testament of the Bible. As he shares this information with Locke, he opens the book to find it hollowed out and containing a reel of film. Holding it up to the light, Locke realizes that this is the missing piece of the Orientation film. Eko reminds Locke to not mistake coincidence with fate, which sounds remarkably like something Locke would normally say.

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(Marvin Candle reminds me of Satan, except a wee bit more evil.)

Sitting down to watch the newly spliced film, the missing footage reveals that the computer must never be used in attempted contact with the outside world. Doing so might compromise the project and lead to another "incident". Weird. As they try to figure out what it all means, Michael starts snooping around by the computer again.

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(Early cyber-hatch-sex.)

When the clock reaches 51 minutes, Michael hears a beep coming from the computer. Looking at the screen, he sees the word “Hello?” Responding back with “Hello?”, the transmission asks who he is. Michael responds with “Michael. Who is this?

The screen reads back, “Dad?

As we see Michael’s reaction, the screen goes dark; Lost starts a 5-week vacation and I crawl into a bottle of whiskey until January 11.

When this episode was over, I was pounding my fists in frustration, cursing and throwing cats left and right. After such a cool revelation and discovery, we have to sit on our hands until 2006.

Make with the numbers, damn it!

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(Yeah, I feel really bad for the poor Korean doorman. Just awful.)

1. Jin and Sun totally slept together. Hurley knew what was up. Good for them. How gratuitous of the producers to start the show off with a shirtless Jin, leading into a constantly-shirtless Sawyer. I'm offended. I mean, in the first season, Shannon, Kate and Sun were in a bikini only like, half of the time. For shame!

2. The best line of the night belongs to Hurley. "So...Rose's husband is white. Didn't see that one coming."

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(This is what happens when George Bush tries to make toast.)

3. In addition to being the main focus at Shannon’s funeral, Sayid popped up on the television in the military recruiting office where Kate’s (former?) father worked. That's what you get when you torture people for a living.

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("How dare you disgrace the American flag? That's the flag my Daddy rebelled against!")

4. The relationship between Locke and Eko is amazing. Not only are they great characters with interesting backstories, but they are played by the two best actors on the show. Their faith, along with their secrets and willingness to believe will be a huge driving force for the rest of the season. I especially liked how genuinely interested Locke seemed when Eko was telling him the story about Josiah.

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(Locke is humming the Honey Comb jingle in his head the whole time.)

5. Speaking of which, the mysterious episode 10 will be an Eko-centric episode. I’d talk to you about it now, but then what would we have to talk about for the next five weeks? Sports? Okay, then.

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(Eko is humming the theme from "Shaft" in his head the whole time.)

6. Well, the Colts are certainly the team to beat this year, currently 11-0. A lot of critics, and even former Dolphins Coach Don Shula, think that they can pull off the first perfect season since his Miami team of 1972. I don't think this will happen, but it should be fun to watch it all play out.

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("Three thousand blinking lights, and I can't get one damn key made!")

7. The discovery of the blast doors, the missing Orientation footage and the mysterious encounter with the computer have left us reeling and waiting for answers. Even though I knew that Michael would have something like this happen to him, it was still pretty wild when it happened. Was it Walt? Is someone screwing with him? Where is he? Here’s hoping that sometime before the end of the season, Walt will get a flashback episode, and then I can die in peace. Well, there's a lot of things I still need to do before I die, but seeing a Walt flashback episode is probably one of them. Top 10, at least.

8. As previously stated, Lost Friday will continue each week, but there won’t be a new episode of Lost until January 11. In the upcoming weeks, we’ll talk about the next few new episodes, along with a lot of other stuff that we normally can’t dwell on when there’s new episodes to talk about. It should be interesting enough, so don’t forget to come back and check it ‘oot.

While you’re at it, don’t forget to check out all of my previous Lost Friday posts. See you next week.


Wednesday, November 30

I Don't Know Where Everything Is.

Sweeps Month 2005 is officially over. So, how did we do this year?

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Well, that should pretty much explain it all. In page views and hits, we increased traffic by at least half across the boards. By the end of the day today, the CDP will have amassed over 10,000 hits for the month of November. Pretty good, considering I had about 25 a month when I started in February of 2004. On average, I'm getting anywhere from 100-500 hits a day.

So, where did they all come from? Well, as you would assume, about 2,000 of them came from the standard crew of regulars. Several thousand came on the heels of the Lost Friday posts, and another few thousand just decided to pop in and never left. Good for them, they deserve me.

As far as constant totals are concerned, the CDP has about 17,000 total hits and almost 54,000 page views. About 10% of our total traffic arrived this month alone. You can't see me, but I'm making the metal sign right now. Not just the regular one, either. I'm doing the one with both hands.

I'll be surprised if I ever get this much traffic in a single month again. Certainly, December will dwindle, even though it's when I do (what I consider) my most interesting stuff. Before the year is over, expect to see many year-end lists and countdowns, the CDP year in review and a handful of Lost Fridays before 2005 is 'oot. If you want to be reminded of how mind-blowing December 2004 was, get all caught up right here.

All right, enough of this ego-stroking. I've got the long-awaited best comments of 2005 on the way, along with a brand new Lost Friday, leading into the last month of 2005. Now you know. Let's move on, so I can tell you a story.

Last night, me and the Missus were forcing ourselves to bed earlier than usual. After five days of vacation, our sleep schedules were thrown off balance. We desperately needed to get to bed at a reasonable hour in order to function properly at work the next day.

We tossed and turned until about midnight, when we drifted off to a troubled slumber. At about 2:30am, I opened my eyes quickly, jarred awake by the Missus tossing around feverishly. After about 10 seconds of said tossing, she got out of bed and headed for the door.

I thought that she was going to get up to go to the bathroom. However, she got about an equal distance between the bed and the door, spun herself around and got right back into bed. I asked her if she was okay, she said "yes," and that was that. We went back to sleep and spoke no more of the matter.

Fast forward to this evening. The Missus is heading off to bed early, and I'm saying goodnight to her. This was the dialogue that followed:

ME: "Hey, do you remember what you did last night?"

MISSUS: "Hmmm?"

ME: "You got up at 2:30, headed for the door, spun around and got right back into bed."

MISSUS: "Oh yeah, that's right. I thought you were a spider."

ME: "Excuse me?"

MISSUS: "Yeah, I looked over at you, and you had a fang-thing coming out of your head. I got up to leave, but then I woke up more and saw that you were normal."

ME: (Head explodes.)

You have to love this woman. She thought that I turned into some sort of half man-half spider, a sleeping one at that, and her only inclination is to leave the premises without trying to get to the bottom of things. It's good to know that if I ever become a possessed arachnid-person, she's got my back. When your nightmares are so bad that you come up with an evacuation plan, you really need to consider talking to someone about it.

So, there you have it. If you have anything to say about Sweeps Month, the Missus' sleeping habits or the upcoming year-end lists, sound off in the comments section. Thanks a lot for spending quality time here, I really appreciate it. I'll do what I can to keep you here, even if that means eventually killing you someday.

Tuesday, November 29

CDP Wayback Machine: Drunk Edition.

You know, there comes a time in every man's life where he gets raging drunk and ruins his wife's birthday party.

Exactly one year ago today, that man was me. In the spirit of full disclosure and outright laziness to create a new post today, the CDP Wayback Machine leads you back to the last time I lost control of myself. Hooray for one year of responsibility! Feels pretty good.

Monday, November 29 - 2004: "The Last Wobbler."

The triumphant Sweeps Month finale is tomorrow, followed by the best comments of 2005 and LOST FRIDAY. December will bring us all the year-end stuff you'd expect to find here. You'll love it, I promise.

Sunday, November 27


Happy birthday, Missus.

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Happy birthday to the raddest bass player in Winneconne history.

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Happy birthday to the lump in my hotel room bed.

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Happy birthday to the only person who makes me laugh every day.

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Happy birthday to the woman who plays darts with random Asian men at local bars.

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(I just really wanted to put this picture in because her hair looks good. I swear she has a different hairstyle in every photograph.)

Happy birthday to my other half.

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Happy birthday to my wife.

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She's going to be quite angry for putting all these pictures of her up, so allow me to suck up for a minute.

If you live to be 122, I still won't have enough time to get sick of you. You're that neat.

You're brilliant and beautiful. You understand everything about me, which is amazing and terrifying at the same time. How you do it is beyond my realm of comprehension.

You didn't teach me to love and cherish the world. Instead, you chose to mock it right along with me. You let go of my hand only when you stop to point and laugh at someone who deserves it.

You're cruel and sinister. Sarcastic and razor-sharp. Your standards are so high, nobody could ever meet them. Everyone lets you down, and nobody is worth trusting. You're just like me.

You keep my socks looking their whitest. You punch me in your sleep. You clap when I breakdance in the living room. You make more money than me. You dye my hair and remind me to make a shopping list.

You're... good.

Happy birthday.

(The SWEEPS MONTH finale is on the way, along with the best comments of 2005. Sit tight.)