Friday, April 28

Lost Friday - Clip Show Edition.

Lost Friday's here, ya' loser!

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have more to discuss than I care to mention.

In honor of the "Lost: Reckoning" clip show we were strapped down and forced to watch this week, I'm taking this opportunity to briefly recap all of the Season Two episodes to this point. In addition, I've got all sorts of preview info for the final four episodes of the year. Are you tingling like I'm tongling? (I obviously meant to say 'tingling' there, but my error was too funny to delort.)

Now I'm going to ting a tong.

I don't mind the clip shows. I think it's always a good idea to rope in new fans at such a juncture in the season, as well as bringing the casual fans up to speed. Personally though, I don't think you can be a casual fan of Lost. Either you don't watch it, or you're devoting a chunk of your life to it that used to be wasted on religion and family. Don't let these pointless vices get in your way! Solve the mystery!

What I do mind is the ridiculous narrator and his (or her; never know) pointless blurbs. It's almost as if the writing staff went on vacation and left the entire episode up to the editors and temps (this is most certainly what happened). What the narrator does to the show is make it sound too much like a sci-fi production, which it is most certainly not. What Lost does best is flaunting with overt supernatural and sci-fi elements, but pretending not to under the guise of characters that want to believe in logic. In essence, the show is about faith, the human condition and random acts of sweatiness.

I logically pondered the best and most efficient way to recap last 19 episodes of Lost, and I generally concluded that haikus are the way to go. Each link will take you to the specific Lost Friday post for that week (with the exception of 'Adrift,' for which I didn't write about), and the info for the new episodes is at the bottom. Forgive me in advance, I like to write haikus.

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Episode 1 - "Man of Science, Man of Faith"

"The hatch is opened
Make your own kind of music
Lift it up, brother."

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Episode 2 - "Adrift"

"The raft is destroyed
Mike and Sawyer lost at sea
Walt! Walt! Walt! Walt! Walt!"

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Episode 3 - "Orientation"

"Hanso foundation
Hatch clock, Dharma, Swan hatch film
Nation craps its pants."

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Episode 4- "Everybody Hates Hugo"

"Hugo loses it
Arrow hatch is abandoned
Food enjoyed by all."

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Episode 5 - "...And Found"

"Shaft leads the way back
The Others leave no footprints
Jin and Sun hook up."


Episode 6 - "Abandoned"

"Shannon shot in chest
After tent romp with Sayid
Nation mourns the loss."

The Other 48 Days.

Episode 7 - "The Other 48 Days"

"This is our life now
The Others have a damn list
Goodwin gets impaled."


Episode 8 - "Collision"

"Sawyer is messed up
Ana ties Sayid to tree
Share awkward moment."

What Kate Did.

Episode 9 - "What Kate Did"

"Blows up house; kills dad
Michael has a chat with Walt
Shanon keeps rotting."

The 23rd Psalm.

Episode 10 - "The 23rd Psalm"

"Charlie's hiding smack
Eko's a bad ass mo-fo
Smoke monster wets pants."

The Hunting Party.

Episode 11 - "The Hunting Party"

"This is our island
Jack's wife is cheating on him
Let's train an army."

Fire + Water.

Episode 12 - "Fire + Water"

"Charlie's freaking out
Thinks Aaron should be baptized
Locke knocks his ass out."

The Long Con.

Episode 13 - "The Long Con"

"New sheriff in town
Charlie tries to kidnap Sun
Jin saws his head off."

One Of Them.

Episode 14 - "One of Them"

"Henry caught in trap
Hatch clock shows hieroglyphics
I'm a torturer."

Maternity Leave.

Episode 15 - "Maternity Leave"

"Ethan kidnaps Claire
Others are wearing costumes
Catch a falling star."

The Whole Truth.

Episode 16 - "The Whole Truth"

"What is Widmore Labs?
Sun has miracle baby
You got any milk?"


Episode 17 - "Lockdown"

"Henry's a liar
Hatch map viewed under blacklight
I drink just to deal."


Episode 18 - "Dave"

"Hurley's losing it
Stop B.C. in our lifetime
Libby's committed."


Episode 19 - "S.O.S."

"Locke loses his faith
They will never give you Walt
Michael stumbles in."

I truly have a gift. I can drop about a thousand of them effortlessly. Jealous?


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Episode 20 - "Two for the Road" (Wednesday, May 3)

4 - Ana Lucia-centric.

8 - Press release reads as follows: Jack and Kate bring an exhausted Michael back to the camp, and with him, news about "The Others." Meanwhile, Ana Lucia attempts to get the prisoner to confess, and Hurley plans a surprise date for Libby.

15 - The rumor is that Ana Lucia will be killed by the end of the episode, or perhaps the end of next week's episode. She won't be killed by Henry, however...

16 - There will be at least two deaths by the end of the season.

23 - Could Michael be lying to the castaways in order to make a trade with the Others?

42 - Remember what happened the last time someone planned a surprise date for someone else? I believe two people will sleep together this week, but probably not who you think.

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Episode 21 - "?" (Wednesday, May 10)

4 - Eko-centric.

8 - Press release reads as follows: Mr. Eko enlists Locke to help find a secret location he believes houses answers to the island's mysteries. Meanwhile, Jack and the other survivors struggle to cope with the horrific situation in the hatch.

15 - What do you suppose this 'horrific situation' is?

16 - We will find out why Eko was on Oceanic 815. Libby and possibly Claire will appear in his flashback.

23 - "?" refers to the center of the blacklight map that Locke saw during the lockdown. Obviously, Locke and Eko will be searching for it and speaking in incoherent quotes. This is kind of a big deal.

42 - Libby will not be returning for season three. Does this mean she'll be killed off?

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Episode 22 - "Three Minutes" (Wednesday, May 17)

4 - Michael-centric.

8 - Press release reads as follows: A determined Michael convinces Jack and several castaways to help him rescue Walt from "The Others." Meanwhile, Charlie struggles with Eko's decision to discontinue building the church.

15 - This will be the episode where we find out what has happened with Michael all this time. There's a good chance that Michael's completely off his nut by now, or perhaps working for the Others.

16 - Walt will return in this episode, but maybe only in flashbacks.

23 - Eko's clearly stopping the construction of the church because of something he found last week. What is it?

42 - "Three minutes" refers to a specific length of time for something extremely important on the island.


Episode 23 - "Live Together, Die Alone" (Wednesday, May 24 - 2 hours)

4 - Are you ready for this? The episode is Desmond-centric.

8 - From what I can tell, most of the season finale is a Desmond flashback. Why he crashed, meeting Kelvin, what he knows about the hatch and the map, along with who he knew from his past (Libby makes yet another appearance in his flashback).

15 - Dr. Marvin Candle will be in this episode. So will Mr. Widmore, the man behind Widmore Construction. The rumor is that Widmore was contracted by Dharma to build the stations on the island.

16 - Michael will be returning next season as a guest character only. Where is he going that will only require him to be on camera so little?

23 - Vincent is in the finale. Eko and Charlie will enter the hatch to get dynamite.

42 - It has been speculated that the reason for the Oceanic 815 crash will be explained in the finale.

Dude, I am beyond ready for this. Sound off in the comments section, send hate mail to I'm spent.

The conclusion of the Homecoming Quadrilogy arrives on Monday.

Very good my son
You are a skillful writer
Call your mom often
"Thanks for the mad props
I've got obvious problems
Swept under the rug."
You are true genius
Haiku idea was brilliant
keep up the good work
"Sorry to nitpick
You just used eight syllables
In your second line."

"If this is truly
What jumping the shark is like
I'm not going back."
Eight will be okay
As long as they play the game
Don't make this no fun!
I don't watch the show,
So I don't understand this.
What is the big deal?
"Oh, it's a huge deal
Best TV show of all time
Consuming our lives."

"Sorry, BluStaCon
Totally unnecessary
See? I just used eight."
Go outside and play
Turn off the television myself the door
"Mr. Outdoorsman
Hunting; living off the land
I have much to learn."
Thank you you were right
forgot idea was three
must be the accent
Jim mimmicks Stanley
I enjoy the tangy zip
Of Miracle Whip.

It's good to be back
My Tivo is not outside
The Arcade Fire sucks.
"Earl does Sabotage
Wears aviator glasses
To return lost badge."

"Best Office ever
Michael sees Alicia Keys
I need your urine."
"I need clean urine"
"Michael why do you need mine"
"Alicia Keys"
oh now, what the heck
is Alicia three or four
I am so confused
I think it is three
You get an 'A' for effort
It's the thought that counts
"Alicia is tough
a-lee-see-ah? a-lee-sha?
In this case, it's three."
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"Well, now you've done it
Breaking the mold and whatnot
Chris Daughtry Naked."
Haiku can be tough
with the messed up English names
stay with Japanese

I did it again
I will preview from now on
but I fixed it see
The office was great
Lackawanna County Ha
Jinx, buy me a coke
Must go to work now
we're fixing a patrol boat
lots and lots of fun

webcam can be found
at Corps link on my blog page
kind of neat to see
"I'll check out your page
Enjoy your day on the seas
I'm at work right now."

"What am I doing?
I've created a monster
Disguised as clever."

"Tony Little rules
Walker told me I have AIDS
I'm jumping the shark."
Sabres game tonight
Going to beat the Flyers
OLN at 6
Drank too much last week
Goldschlager is the devil
Puked for two hours
"Please don't drink so much
Watch television instead
Nah, I'm just kidding."
Is it possible
'horrific situation'
equals someones corpse?
Five AM
Overhauled MySpace profile
You should check it out

now I should mention
I really should get a life
Instead, I haiku
"Ana Lucia
Horrific situation
No doubt about it."

"I'll check out MySpace
But, as a general rule
I cannot stand it."
Who was narrator?
Reckoning has made me think
It was not random

when a pyscho strikes
first place News look is MySpace
ever notice that?
"That's because MySpace
Is a festering hellhole
Of pedophiles."

"Narrator's unknown
But I could do without him
And his sorry prose."
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That may be correct
I am a pedophile
Oh, that's horrible
Too much? Oh, OK
I apologize, dear Ben
You know I'm kidding
"Dude, you got that right
Ben has serious problems
His wife is fifteen."
A random search
Winneconne pedophile?
One creepy old man
Oh crap, that was eight
Shouldn't be up before noon
Should go back to bed
"Wow, that's really weird.
Winneconne's got perverts
Like Bill Gates has cash."

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