Monday, May 29

The Summer Of The CDP.

Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!

After over 100 posts in about 130 days, the CDP is taking a well-earned blog vacation. We will return on Monday, June 5, with new material and rerun-free summer programming.

Until then, sound off in the comments section, and drink plenty of fluids. It's hot out there.

I'll be in Madison on June 5... to see VADER!!
June 5th? What the hell am I supposed to do until then? I'm home all the time now during the day!
Have a nice, long restful vacation.
Thanks, B.

Sherry, you can use this time to catch up on all the hilarious and heartfelt things I've posted since the start of the year. Consider it a wonderful opportunity; there's some good stuff up in here.
Enjoy your blogless vacation. I bet my productivity at work will double this week.
I doubt it... you know you'll still need your hourly CDP fix.
I've been using subliminal messages to get people to stop by, every hour on the hour, just to see if anything's changed on here.

Drink Sprite. Yvan Eht Nioj.

By the way RJ, I saw your midget friend on Smackdown on Friday. He made a great leprachaun.
Hey! I've read most of your posts! I'm just not an avid commenter.
That's kind of you. I promise more goodness in the upcoming months. Violence, nudity, the whole kit-n-caboodle.
That leprechaun was freaky, man! I hope he never returns.
Yea, the leprechaun is here to stay.. I haven't seen it yet, but he has a contract, and will be making upwards of $50k a year... most hotels and all airfare paid for. All at 19 years old. And here I am, actually working.
Wow, 19 years old, and getting paid 50k a year to get thrown around; what are we doing with our lives?

It was actually pretty funny. He came out from under the ring and completely freaked out on some guy. Then just as the crowd was thouroughly bewildered, he shot back under the ring and they moved along. I laughed heartily.
That's really cool that he's getting "big time" with his wrestling thing. I remember not too long ago when we were going to convince him to give my upstairs neighbor a beer and then dive off the balcony. That would have been hilarious.

Sherry, here's some things you could do with all your free time:

A) Start a blog of your own.
B) Come visit me in Milwaukee.
C) Shave Ben's handlebar mustache.
D) Get drunk.
E) Take a nap.
F) Watch some stupid TV show.
G) Sign up for kickball.
H) Learn a new instrument.
I) Come visit me.
Can you be done with vacation now? I hate my job and look forward to reading not only your posts, but the comments. I can't have you go on vacation and ruin my job! day and people are already starting to get antsy. This is why I shouldn't take vacations; I'm far too important.

"Comedy doesn't take a vacation."

RJ, did you see the Sabres game?
Aaron, you won't believe it, but Ben is clean shaven! He shaved off his handlebars first and then attempted to leave just a mustache until I made vomiting sounds at him. Then, he crumbled and shaved it all off! I'm thinking about starting my own blog. We'll see though...
If you start a blog, just promise to update it more than Ben & the Missus. My blog is getting dusty by osmosis.

I like how you made gagging sounds at Ben's moustache, but didn't have a problem with handlebars. That explains all the love letters you wrote to Salvador Dali when you were a kid.
When are you kids coming to visit? I don't have anything to do at night.

I finally got the internet working at my apartment, so I'll be posting a pretty big blog soon about moving and starting a new job and stuff.
You know I hate Milwaukee; I'm never visiting you. Ever.

Okay, I'm just kidding. We can pick some time that me and the Missus/Ben and Sherry can hang out. I'd love to see your new place, and I'm eagerly awaiting the blog post.

I know that Ben and Sherry are heading out of state pretty soon, and my weekends are filling up fast, so I'm not too sure what a good time would be. Anybody want to chime in?

You don't have anything to do at night? It's Milwaukee, dude! Just stand outside for a few minutes, I'm sure something interesting will happen eventually.
Ok, let me rephrase that. There's tons of stuff to do. I just don't have anything planned. So what I meant to say was "I don't have any plans at night." I'm sure I'll keep myself busy one way or another.
Of course I saw the Sabres game! You really think I'd miss that? Game 7 tomorrow, then on to the Cup starting Monday.

I wouldn't recommend standing outside for a few minutes in Milwaukee... you'll end up mugged. It's safest to stay inside with your warm, comforting television set.

It's a lot like Sun Prairie, I suppose.

Oh...wait. No, that's not right at all. Milwauke and Sun Prairie are almost NOTHING alike.
Yup, catch yourself in the wrong part of Sun Prairie at night, and bad things are gunna go down. There are a lot of Senior Citizen gangs jacking kids for Metamucil money. It's a shame, really.

Where I live is mighty similar to a gated Florida retirement community. I sometimes refer to it as "Del Boca Vista." I saw an old man ride by my window on a Segway last week.
So the leprauchan got paid an extra grand last week because they forget him under the ring for an hour... just went straight to the main event, and he had to sit under there until people cleared out.

Mmm... squeaky cheese curds. I love Thursdays.
So, I'm assuming I won't see him wrestle on Friday; but I'll know he's hiding under the ring. Fantastic!

I was wondering about that. He needs to pretty much be the first person in the arena, and the last to leave so he doesn't get spotted. That extra grand was well-deserved.

If you ever introduce me to him, I'm going to wrestle him, no questions asked.
19???? He looked like he was at least 85. At LEAST.
Alright, so here's the deal. I made a blog, but it's not the most impressive thing in the world yet. I will be attempting to add links and stuff within the next few days. And I'll probably have my first real post tomorrow.

Nobody's Fool
Welcome aboard, Sherry. Just promise to update more than Ben, 'eh?
I got more SPAM! from Spermamax...

"With Spermamax, she will worship your sperm"

"Spermamax will make her drown in your sperm."

Worst advertising ever...

"viagra pro is so small and unnoticeable, she will never know about it"

Those words don't make me want to but your viagra.

"We heal any disease?"

Note that they make this a question...

"Your penis reminds a computer mouse? Change it with Penis Enlarge Patch."

*Ahem... What?

That is all.
"Viagra Pro is so small and unnoticeable, she will never know about it."

Isn't that a pill? Why would 'she' notice a pill anyways?

Sorry about the Sabres.
The more I read SpermMax's ads, the more I like them. Somehow, the idea of drowning someone in your sperm appeals to the masses.
TAVARES, Florida (AP) -- A couple tried to hire a hit man to kill their three grandchildren and daughter-in-law to stop them from testifying against their son in his rape trial, authorities said.

The couple, ages 60 and 59, were charged with four counts each of criminal conspiracy to commit murder. They were being held without bond.

Police said the pair initially offered $100 to an undercover sheriff's deputy to kill their son's wife, their 10-year-old granddaughter, two step-grandchildren, ages 14 and 16, and the family dog.
that's sick, why would you hire someone to kill a dog.
One of my biggest fears is drowning; water, sperm or otherwise.

This thread took a turn for the worst, I'd better get to updating this thing, and quick.
Maybe if they'd offered more than $100, they could find someone to do it for them.

I guess that's what a hit went for during the Depression.

"Quick, shock him!"
"Kid's are skateboarding! Things cost more than they used to!"
So RJ, your Sabres didn't win, but my Mavericks sure did. We're still planning on coming up for the concert next week, so we'll probably see you then.
Didn't I say we had to cancel on it? Our drummer disappeared, and we still don't have a new one. Unless you wanted to volunteer. Razorfist is still playing, so still come up! I'll be in town, but not at the show... I have to bounce Saturday night. Be sure to stop down at the Speakeasy, too!

Another article from CNN...

LUTZ, Florida (AP) -- Two college students were found dead inside a large, deflated helium balloon after apparently pulling it down and crawling inside it, officials said.

The deaths of Jason Ackerman and Sara Rydman, both 21, appear to be accidental, Hillsborough County Sheriff's Maj. Bob Schrader said.

Their bodies were found Saturday partially inside a deflated helium balloon at the entrance of a condominium complex a few miles north of Tampa.

The 8-foot-diameter balloon was used to advertise the complex.

"It was more a fun thing they thought they were doing," said Linda Rydman, whose daughter was found dead. "You know how you blow up the balloon and suck the helium."

The county medical examiner said Sunday that the cause of death won't be released for six weeks, until toxicology results come back.

Inhaling helium can quickly lead to brain damage and death from lack of oxygen, according to the Compressed Gas Association, which develops safety standards in the gas industry.
RJ, I'd totally cover for you guys on the drums if I knew the songs you played. I'm thinking it's a little late at this point, considering that you already took a different job that night, but know my intentions were well-meaning.

Imagine me saying all that with a helium-pitched voice. It's funny!

New post tomorrow. Finally.

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