Thursday, September 14

CDP Top 30 Posts Of All Time - #15.

CDP Top 30 Posts Of All Time - #15
"Where's My Promotion?"
(Originally published 06-11-05.)

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A couple weeks ago, a customer came in to work, telling me how much my office reminded her of "The Office". Maybe she was right.

At work yesterday, I was cornered in the hallway by the frantic administrator of the Wisconsin Real Estate Board. He looked like he was in a hurry, and this somehow involved me.

“Quick, I need you to make a snap decision for me.” He said, waving his arms around.

But, here’s the thing. I misheard him, and thought that he said “snack” decision. It didn’t register that this important person would need my opinion on anything vital, so I just figured it concerned food. I mean, why would my input be necessary concerning laws or statutes? My best guess was that there was a Zagnut and a Milky Way staring back at him from behind the plexi-glass in the machine, and he needed me to break the tie.

“Sure!” I shot back to him. “What are you hungry for?”

His eyes narrowed. Then they got very wide, as he cocked his head to the side in a futile attempt to make sense of my folly.

“What?” He squeaked.

What?” I deadpanned back to him.

“Um…I’m going to go and get Bill’s opinion on this.” He said, slowly making his way around me in the hallway and eventually out of sight, leaving me to wonder where I went wrong. Later, I asked “Bill” what was up, and that’s when the full force of my stupidity struck me like a concrete watermelon.

I’m an idiot.

On the bright side, I made it through another day without having to make any actual decisions. Perhaps I should respond this way to every query I get at work.

“Hey CDP, can you get these forms done by lunch?”

“Sure thing, are you in the mood for something salty?”

(Long pause)

“Um…you know what? I think I’ll go ahead and take care of those forms myself. Thanks anyway, though.”

“You betcha.”

Let day 2 of the pants wetting commence.
I still think this is funny even the second time around!
Sweet. Here's hoping I can cause worldwide pants-wettings right up until the end of the month. We're in the meat of the countdown now; all killer, no filler!

As I was proofreading this post last night, I recalled the day this incident happened and had quite a laugh, myself. How I still have this job is beyond me.
Well, I'm leaving town tomorrow with the girlfriend, so I probably won't be able to wet my pants tomorrow or Saturday. Well, not wet myself and still refer to her as "the girlfriend."

I do promise, however that on Sunday when I return, I will read the updates and wet myself not once, not twice, but thrice.
Be sure to stay hydrated.
Yet you always make fun of me for not hearing properly, Mr. Tornado-Pants.
I can't believe I've never told the "Tornado Pants" story on here. I might have to save that doozie for Sweeps.
Yup. Sweeps.
It's not really a story. More of a sentence.
Yup. Sweeps.

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