Friday, October 6

Lost Friday - "A Tale Of Two Cities."

This is what happens when you vote Republican.
Season 3 - Episode 1: "A Tale Of Two Cities."

Lost Friday is upon us; we have much to discuss. Welcome back, kids.

You know, with all of the Lost rip-offs and second rate 'paranormal dramas' we've been force-fed so far this season (and last), it's nice to be reminded of what started the trend in the first place. After seeing just the first three minutes of the Lost Season Premiere, I was convinced that I was watching the greatest television drama of all-time. No fooling.

In fact, this show is so good, I needed to invent a brand new adjective just to describe it. 'Snabtabular.' Feel free to use that one; I know that you're going to anyways.

The Twilight Zone was brilliant and groundbreaking, but never went deeper than 30 minutes with an idea. The Prisoner and The Fugitive allowed us to follow along with the protagonist and solve the bizarre mystery for ourselves, but the former ran out of ideas and the latter stopped too early. With Lost, you keep waiting for them to lose the plot and fall flat on their faces, but they continue to hit you with something both unexpected and un-insulting to your intelligence. Considering that 15 million viewers are continuing to have their theories destroyed and their expectations exceeded, that's nothing short of a Hurculean feat. It has to be hard to keep a step ahead of nerds like us.

Don't bother throwing him a preserver.
(Matthew Fox finally drowns in his own ego.)

A few minutes after the episode was over, I wrung the whiz out of my pants, puked, and went online. It was then that I saw what happens when 800,000 people try to edit a Wikipedia page at the same time. Way to go, you damn kids; you've destroyed the World's only Free Encyclopedia. This is why we can't have nice things.

Eventually, it all smoothed out into The Skinny you see before you. And away we go:

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Come for the view, stay for the eggs.
(Ben's restaurant had great food, but the parking was terrible.)

The episode begins with people in a book club, in Juliet's house, who is the host. She is prepping for the party. She first puts on some music (specifically, "Downtown" by Petula Clark) and looks at the mirror. She seems to be flustered by trying to keep her composure. The oven timer starts going off and she notices the oven is filled with smoke. Her muffins are burnt! She rushes over, takes them out, and burns her hand in the process. The doorbell rings, there is a woman at the door. Outside, there is a man working on the plumbing (Ethan). The two women go inside. The book being discussed is Carrie by Stephen King. One of the members of the book club, Adam, complains about Juliet's choice of this book and remarks that Ben wouldn't read it even in the bathroom.

What's Adam Sandler like?
("I just wanted to say that you were great in Happy Gilmore.")

A rumbling appears to be an earthquake (judging by the calm manner in which the party acts, this kind of shaking may be rather common) - after it ends, they run outside, where the house seems to be in a cul-de-sac community. They see the Flight 815 plane break up. Henry Gale (actually named Ben) tells Ethan Rom and Goodwin to go to both of the crash sites and act as survivors, and give him a list in three days. The camera pulls back to fully reveal that this community of houses is in a clearing amidst the jungle on the island.

Kate wakes up in a bathroom. Tom is there and tells Kate to take a hot shower. She says she won't while he's there, but Tom only laughs and tells her she's not his type. He leaves, and she takes a shower. When she emerges, Tom has taken her clothes and has left her a dress instead. She changes into it, reluctantly.

Dress purty, Kate Austen.
(She looks pretty sexy... you know, for a Canadian.)

Tom and two Others bring her to a beach, where "Henry" is waiting at a covered table with chairs, freshly cooked food, utensils, and coffee, with a pair of handcuffs on the side. He compels her to handcuff herself, and when she asks why he's doing all this, "Henry" responds that he gave her a dress to make her feel feminine, fresh food to make her feel at home, allow her a view of the beach because her friends are seeing the same beach, and utensils to make her feel civilized. He tells Kate that the next two weeks will be most unpleasant.

Jack wakes up in a holding cell. He sees an open door, but when he walks towards it, he learns there is a thick glass wall blocking his way. He begins struggling with some chains hanging from the ceiling when Juliet walks into the room on the other side of the glass. She tells him that she wants to give him food, but he must move away from the door. Jack refuses to cooperate with her and continues to yank on the chain. After a number of exchanges, Jack is seemingly convinced that he needs to eat.

What's the deal with airplane food?
(Jack's rendition of 'Over The Rainbow' blew away the judges at the Prison Talent Show.)

When Juliet enters with the food, he attacks her and drags her out into the hallway. Henry is waiting and tells him that Juliet cannot open the nearby door, or it will kill all of them. Jack throws her away, and Henry runs out of another door, closing it on Juliet. Jack opens the first door, which pours water into the hallway. Then he and Juliet manage to close the door, but when Jack turns, Juliet knocks him out.

Meanwhile, Sawyer awakes in an outdoors cell with a strange contraption inside. He tries to figure it out, but another prisoner in the cell opposite his tells him not to. He continues, and is shocked by electricity. The other prisoner then picks his lock and picks Sawyer's and tells him to run the opposite way. He does, but Juliet finds him and shocks him. Sawyer is returned to his cell, and the other prisoner, Karl, is forced to apologize for asking him to help with his escape.

Sawyer soon figures out the 'gizmo.' Water falls into the trough, kibble falls on the ground, as does a large fish biscuit(With the word DHARMA on it). Tom tells him that the bears figured it out in two hours, implying the cells are where the polar bears once were held.

Kids, don't beat your wife.
(Shortly after stealing a pack of Marlboros, Sawyer finds himself featured on the 'Tazed & Confused' episode of Cops.)

Throughout Jack's story, he has flashbacks to the process of his divorce from Sarah. He becomes obsessed with discovering whom she is having an affair with, following her and researching her cell phone records. He begins to suspect that her lover is his father Christian, who pleads with Jack to "let it go." Jack ends up assaulting his father at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, driving Christian back to the bottle and landing Jack in jail. Sarah bails him out, imploring Jack to leave her alone.

Later in the episode, Juliet returns and reveals she knows much about Jack, who is back in the cell. She tells him how she has his father's autopsy report, his divorce record, information on his friends and family, etc. Jack only wants to know if his ex-wife is happy, and Juliet says she is. She also tells him he is being held in an aquarium tank in the Hydra, another DHARMA station, which is underwater. Jack agrees to Juliet bringing him food, so Juliet steps into the hallway, where Henry is standing, waiting. He tells her she has done a good job, and she says, "Thanks, Ben," revealing "Henry"'s real name.

Damn it!
("I'm so sick of Internet nerds making fun of my screencaps! WAAAAALLLT!")

There you have it. Considering how the episode was shot and how fans were forced to once again try to understand a new DHARMA location, I thought the writers and directors did a masterful job of keeping it all understandable. Then again, I might just be smarter than you. Numbers, please!

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4 - Be honest with me, now. Did you or did you not have a complete, homo-gay freak out at the way this episode started? This is the 4th time we've reset the clock, so to speak, in regards to the crash of Flight 815. They way they alluded to the Season Two Premiere was also brilliant; "Downtown" is this year's "Make Your Own Kind Of Music."

Twilight Zone much?
("I can't believe we forgot to bring the volleyball net.")

During the 'book club' scene, when the house started to rumble, I thought they were making the connection that this was taking place somewhere on the earth when the Swan Hatch up and imploded. I thought they were making the connection that the implosion was such that the civilized world could feel it. I thought wrong. Once I saw Ethan and Fake Henry walking around, I knew something was seriously wrong. Then I blacked out and my wife had to tell me how the rest of the show went.

Oh, speaking of wives, Ben and Juliet were obviously married at some point. The conversations and clues at the beginning, as well as their their attitude towards each other throughout the episode point to that (watch the opening scene again, this time knowing that Fake Henry is actually Ben).

Ben is also quite powerful; he runs the community like a cult leader and gets people to make scrambled eggs for him. He is, however, not as powerful as Richard Simmons, who actually gets paid to tell people when they can eat. That's the sort of power I'm looking for.

I'm not Penny, jerk.
("I know, I know. I thought I was Penny Widmore, too.")

8 - I want to clear this up, just in case there are people out there that were as confused as I was. Juliet is NOT Penny Widmore. The two actresses that play these parts look almost identical, which threw a huge monkey wrench into this episode. For like, 30 minutes, I was wondering how Penny Widmore could possibly be on the island, when we (assumingly) saw her off of the island in the Season Two Finale. Eventually, I just realized that I was a dumbass and not paying close enough attention.

Note to the Lost Casting Crew: Don't hire women that look alike. It confuses me and makes me sad.

15 - The Others took blood from Jack, Kate and Sawyer. They really tried to hammer that point home, so you know it's going to become important. Something tells me that they're going to be conducting the same 'tests' on these three that they were doing on Walt during Season Two.

Don't tell me he doesn't look like Gene Wilder.
(A young Gene Wilder makes his cameo appearance on the island.)

16 - Jack had a great set of flashbacks this week. I think he's had at least 5 flashback episodes at this point, but there's still plenty more to discover about Jack's backstory. Most TV shows could make 4 seasons out of that story alone, mind you. The interaction and eventual breakdown between Jack, his wife and father was actually more emotionally deep than I thought it would be.

Tackling his old man through the 12-Step Program sign? Priceless.

It hurts!
(Here, we see Christian Shepard having nine simultaneous heartattacks.)

23 - So...the Hydra Station, huh? The 'underwater' station, 'eh? We got to finally see it.


This episode also lent to the theory that the Dharma Initiative is in ruins, and a new group of researchers are continuing the work that crumbled in the 80's. These people must know that bringing back things that were popular in the 80's is what's hip in the States nowadays. Expect to see a Mr. T cameo during Sweeps.

Wasn't this on the Flintstones?
(Insert stupid 'Fast food drive-thru joke here.)

42 - When Sawyer finally figured out how to get food out of his kennel, I got a huge laugh out of the fanfare and piped-in music that played. That's just sick, and also brilliantly funny.

A lot of people thought this episode was too complicated; I actually think it was one of the more cut-and-dry episodes they've ever done. It's good thing, too, because it's just what we needed to start Season Three.

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4 - The title of Episode 2 is "The Glass Ballerina." It's about a glass ballerina.

(I have no less than 20 jokes for this photo, none of which are suitable for print.)

8 - This episode will be Jin/Sun-centric. I think this is the episode where Sun finally leaves Jin for me.

15 - The official press release from ABC reads: "Sayid's plan to locate Jack places Sun and Jin's lives in grave danger. Meanwhile, Kate and Sawyer are forced to work in harsh conditions by their captors, and Henry makes a very tempting offer to Jack that may prove difficult to refuse."

No word yet on what the Others have in store for Kate and Sawyer, but something tells me it has something to do with modeling for a Spiegel catalog. It's the only thing they're halfway decent at.

Have to talked to an Iraqi lately?
("Look, if I don't get to torture someone in the next five minutes, I'm gunna scream.")

16 - Because the castaways are broken up into four different places at the start of this season (prison, the imploded hatch, the beach and Desmond's sailboat) we're going to get episodes from each location's point of view. The writers want to keep the Locke/Eko/Desmond/Hatch situation a secret for at least one more episode, so we're getting this episode as a nice buffer.

23 - The word around the campfire is that Sun is still keeping a big secret from Jin, probably concerning the baby. Wow, never saw that one coming.

42 - In the previews, you'll see that 'Ben' is pretty upset that Sayid has procured a boat; probably because of how Ben spilled the beans about the way to properly escape from the island. Sayid and Jin take turns beating the crap out of random things just for the hell of it. Sun smiles and says "Boat!" twenty-six times.

They'll have ugly kids. I promise.
(They're going to have the ugliest kids.)

Thanks for checking out this week's snabtabular Lost Friday. If you have any questions, sound off in the comments section or send an e-mail to If you would like to buy some CDP swag or make a donation, please check out the links at the top of the page or within this post. For all other Lost-related information, direct your browsers to The Coconut Internet; they're good people who run an exceptional page. Cheers.


Hey, did you tell everyone about your online store?
Good call, dude.

If you want to order great CDP merch, check out (

It would probably help if you gave them a working link: THE CDP Webstore.

Or maybe even a banner ad or two.
You could use a shirt or two. At the very least, maybe some stickers or a magnet for your fridge.

I will continue to do this until I pressure and alienate everyone on this page.
The episode of LOST was really good, too.
Lost was its snabtastic self on wednesday. I loved the season two parallel opening. i just kept waiting for the pullback to make sense of the brilliant menagerie I was seeing.

In the Hydra hatch, Juliett talked about Dharma as a thing of the past. Maybe Desmond and Kelvin weren't the last Dharma hold outs on the Island. Ben's little group is clearly in control, but how many other projects are they letting happen as they always did? The subjects would never know there had been a leadership change.

I enjoyed the musical nod the classics during Sawyers zoo scene. I kept waiting for him to yell "You damn dirty apes!"

lastly. The Office has once again permanantly scored my brain with the best line ever.

Hug it up bitch
I feel out of the loop today, because I recorded the Office/Earl Hour and didn't yet watch it. I'm looking forward to it, though; many people told me the episodes were hilarious.

That's a good point about the Others. It would seem that DHARMA is a thing of the past, although it's still a very real and integral part of the island. Ben and company clearly have contact with the outside world; probably with massive funding coming from Widmore or Paik, as well.

I can't help but think that the scene with Saywer in the animal cage was a parallel to us fans that jump through hoops to figure this story out.
I wonder what our Dharma cookie will taste like.

I was puzzled by your lack of Earl/Office references. Now I know why. My life is once again complete.
I'm as predictable as the setting sun.

"You won a fish biscuit!"
Top Five Office Episode, Ever.

The sniper!?!?!?!
I cannot believe you haven't watched the office. It was very funny. Although, "Hug it out bitch" was hilarious, "I'm going to kill you for real" was even better.
I can't wait. We're going to a concert tonight (Minus The Bear, POS, Velvet Teen), so it will have to wait until Saturday.
Lost! Lost Friday!

It's all very snabolicious!

One thing that got my speculation going: could the other prisoner in Sawyers first scene, the escapist, be a tail section passenger that got abducted in one of the early nightly raids? I don't remember names and specifics for those kidnappings and I'm too lazy right now to look into it. Whoever that other prisoner was, we'll probably hear something about the rest of the abductees soon.
I think Karl is a plant to gain Sawyer's trust.
I think he's a plant, as well. If he was on the plane, I think that's the first thing he would have said to Sawyer.

Or perhaps he was part of the community, and he was simply jailed for doing something wrong?

If I were a plant, I'd be a cactus.
Lost Friday...ahhh, it's nice to have you back. You still have that familiar smell of ranch dressing and peanut butter lingering on the furniture...home.

Does anyone else wonder where the children are? 'They' took a bunch of the children, but we've yet to see any of them.
Godot, you just stole my idea for a Lost Friday cologne. It's Patent Pending!

It feels good to be back, although my sentiments might change at some point during the 17-episode run in 2007. I may have to outsource the show to a guest writer for a week or two.

Won't somebody please think of the children?
I'm pretty sure the children are being conditioned Clockwork Orange stlye so the can be productive members of the weekly book club.(and so help them their sections had better be on Ben's top twenty!
Best photo captions ever.

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