Thursday, November 16

Outernational Incident.

Outernational Incident.Another Outernational Incident.

Step #1 - Buy some CDP merch.
Step #2 - Take a photo of yourself enjoying CDP merch.
Step #3 - E-mail photos to me.
Step #4 - Profit!

Here we see JT of Spork Nation and The CDP Network fame, enjoying a beverage and supporting his favorite college sports franchise, all while demonstrating his undying support and loyalty to the CDP. This made my day, and I hope it makes yours as well. The PBR belt buckle and dapper hat only sweetens the deal.

Speaking of CDP Swag, during Sweeps Month this December, stay tuned for your chance to snag some FREE CDP merch to claim as your own. In the meantime, sound off in the comments section and e-mail all photos to

Before I head out today, I wanted to share just one more photo of a CDP Network alumni. Here's a shot of our good friend Paste, taken from his MySpace page:

Paste, rocking the beard.

And here's a photo of indie hip-hop superstar Sage Francis at a recent show:

Sage, rocking the beard.

You know, not only have I never seen these two in the same room together, I have noticed Paste busting a lot more rhymes as of late. Could it be?


Crap. I just realized that I didn't ask Paste for permission to use a pic of him. Paste, if you want me to remove it, just send me an e-mail or let me know here. I won't be bummed out in the least; sorry about that.
Also note, the moustache was a "Rally 'Stache" intended to bring Clemson out of its recent losing streak. Mission accomplished, moustache shaved.

Next up? Deep frying turkeys while rocking the CDP shirt. Also while drinking.
I like this idea of doing potentially dangerous things whilst wearing a CDP shirt.

Try not to burn your house down when deep-frying the turkey. I've seen this done about 20 times, and it's absolutely never ended well. In fact, the last guy I saw do it tried to pull it off in his garage. Smooth.
I can't go anywhere as Sage Francis,
And not see where all the fans is,
So I go out on the net as Paste,
Next week I'll find a turkey to baste.

[folds arms across chest and nods rhythmically]

That was awful.

Speaking of rhymes, you might like the haiku shirt at
"Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
This will be my sixth or seventh turkey frying, and I have yet to invoke the wrath of the fryer gods. Of course, I've always had the sense to do it outside, as well.

The bad things normally happen afterthe turkey is consumed, when I start drinking.
Turkey has enough depressant chemicals in it already; adding alcohol to the mix is a recipe for diaster. So, you might want to videotape the whole thing for YouTube.

Paste will hereby be addressed as "Paste Francis" from here on out. Or, until about an hour from now when I completely forget about it.

Your rhymes is whack.
The haiku was tight.
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good night.
Oh, and I'm still sorry I didn't ask before I put your photo up.
You hereby by have my permission to post any photo or likeness of me that you find on these internets.

I thought it was funny scrolling down to see my own picture. It'd be like a mirror, if I still had a beard, and was looking way off to the side.

I think it was Stephen Wright that said, "I'm a peripheral visionary. I can see into the future, just way off to the side."
That's one of my favorite Stephen Wright quotes. You might like Demetri Martin's stuff, he does a lot of one liner type things. He's a writer for Conan, just came out with a CD/DVD.
"These Are Jokes." If you don't own the album, I suggest you do. Probably the funniest stand-up album of the year.

Mr. Martin is one of the best stand-ups on the planet right now. I think I've seen his Comedy Central special 10 times. He does this bit on the CD where he has someone come on stage and explain to the CD listeners what he's doing on stage, to give them a better idea of how he's telling the joke. It's hilarious.
So, you've heard of him? I'm glad I could point you in the right direction.
Also, Jim Gaffigan's dvd is pretty dang hilarious. Have we already talked about that here?
While we're throwing around comedian names - has anyone heard of Jeff Foxworthy?


Sersiously, though, Mitch Hedberg is still my favorite. Although Jim Gaffigan is a close second.
Come on, you shouldn't make jokes like that... There's nothing funny about Jeff Foxworthy.
If you like Hedberg, I think that you'd love Demitri Martin. Their one-liner, non-sequitur styles are very similar. In fact, there are times on the CD where I swear that Demitri slips into "The Mitch Voice."

They're both also endlessly quotable, and they both have Stephen Wright to thank.

There's something about Gaffigan's "Beyond the Pale" that's extremely satisfying. As far as the "observational comic" thing goes, I think that Gaffigan is on par with Jerry Seinfeld. Jim works better when he has a lot of time to let you into his lazy world. A few minutes of observational jokes might not be knee-slappingly hilarious, but an hour of them will be great for some reason. Beats me; I just think he has his act down perfectly at this point in his career.

He says that people throw Hot Pockets at him when he's on stage, and that's just wonderful to me.
Obligatory Quotes:

Demitri Martin:

I love video games. They're very violent, though. I want to design a video game where you have to take care of all the people that have been shot in the other games.

"Hey man, what are you playing?"

"Super Busy Hospital 2. Please leave me alone, I need to concentrate. I'm preforming surgery on a guy who has been shot in the head 57 times."

Jim Gaffigan:

I feel a little nauseous, I had a Hot Pocket for dinner.

You never really see that on a menu. There’s no waiter coming up to you, "Well, lets see today’s specials. We have a sea bass, which is flambéed, and we have a Hot Pocket, which is cooked in a dirty microwave and comes with a side of Pepto."

"Is the Hot Pocket cold in the middle?"

"It’s frozen, but it can also be served boiling lava hot."

"Will it burn my mouth?"

"It'll destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a week."

"I’ll have the hot pocket."

(Hot Pockets!)
Hmmmm....what could the slogan for Hot Pockets in Mexico be...?

Caliente Pockets!
Horny pockets???

Oh wait, that's only if it is used for people, not objects.
And that's your Spanish lesson for the day.

Dead Pockets!
I think *crossing our fingers* that I may have a fix for the Firefox problem when I get home...

Don't hold me to it, but I'm gonna try.
Oh, and Paste. If you really are Sage Francis, you need to clean up your potty mouth.
Jim G was great in the show Ed.

"This is not your father's poetry."
I can't help the swearing, I'm from the streetz. I'm just trying to keep it real, youknowwhati'msayin?
I don't know anything about Sage Francis. I got excited at first because I thought you were going to say something about Page France.
Good luck with the Firefox. If you can't fix it, we're still getting along with the Firefox/Safari combo.

Sage doesn't have a potty mouth, at least not nearly as bad as most mainstream hip-hop folk. He's really quite amazing. He singlehandedly made me realize that there was still some great hip-hop on the planet. No fooling.
It's odd, because you've never seen me and Paste in the same room at the same time. Except for those times that I've stayed at his house and we were in the same room at the same time.

I guess that technically I've never seen Paste in any room at any time, but that's beside the point.

You've blown a crater-sized hole in my theory, and I salute you.

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