Friday, May 19

Lost Friday - "Three Minutes."

Three Minutes & We're Out Of Here.
Season Two - Episode 22: "Three Minutes."

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

Before we get down to the business of getting down, I want to make an announcement about what's going on next week at the CDP. In honor of the Lost Season Finale, Lost Friday will expand to FOUR DAYS next week. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, we will cover the previews, spoilers, and post-finale revelations; as well as previews for Season Three. There will be a lot of Lost things going on here, so check back every day next week for your fix. Bookmark us, set us as your homepage, mail us cookies; whatever you have to do to remember to show up. (Thursday will be reserved for the American Idol finale, because I'm a loser.)

"Three Minutes" was a great episode. We didn't exactly find out any life-altering secrets, but the stage has now been set for the huge two-hour finale. We found out what happened to Michael during his 13 days away from camp, what Walt has been up to (besides being a foot taller), and what the castaways plan to do in order to take down the evil empire.

Bring on the skinny!

The Skinny (From Wikipedia):

Hatch Confessions On HBO.
(Dateline NBC catches yet another pedophile in their online dragnet.)

The episode begins with a flashback, thirteen days before the present. The beginning is the same as that of "The Hunting Party," when Michael locked Jack and Locke in the armory and left the Swan. Before leaving, the dialogue between Walt and Michael on the computer is revealed. Walt says he is okay, and he is able to describe where he is. "when they take me out, there's huge rocks with a big HOLE in the middle by the beach," says Walt. "you'll know when you see."

Meanwhile, back at the present, Michael is in the jungle burning a mysterious pink slip. Jack comes out of the Swan, asking him what he is doing; Michael says he's just getting some air. The survivors discuss what to do with the Others. Jack thinks that they should form an army of a dozen or so people to fight them, but he is opposed by Michael, who says that they should only send a party of five. Michael insists that since this is about rescuing Walt, the combat decisions should only be made by him. Jack stands down.

Being A Good Person All Day Really Fills You Up.
(Dharma Initiative - Station 1: "The Can.")

In another flashback, we see Michael running through the jungle. He soon comes across one of the Others, who is urinating. Michael puts his gun on him and tells him to get his hands up, and the Other recognizes him as "Walt's old man." Michael is then ambushed by Mr. Friendly and more Others, resulting in a struggle. Michael breaks free and begins to run. Mr. Friendly stops an Other from shooting Michael and uses a bolo to capture him instead. A bag is stuffed over Michael's head.

Ho, Ho, Die.
(Santa Claus hits the skids.)

While the bodies of Ana-Lucia and Libby are being prepared for burial, Michael and Mr. Eko clean up the blood in the Swan. Michael (who really murdered Libby and Ana-Lucia) asks Eko, since he's a priest, if he believes in Hell. Eko tells him the story of a boy who came to him during confession, asking if he would go to Hell for killing his dog with shovel because he was attacking his sister. Eko had told the boy that God would understand and that He would forgive the boy if he was sorry. However, Eko thinks the boy was more worried about meeting the dog in Hell than God's forgiveness. Michael asks Eko about Hell because he seems to feel remorse for killing Ana-Lucia and Libby. Michael goes outside and vomits, where he is met by Jack. Jack assures Michael that they will get Walt back.

It's Just What I Needed!
("A briefcase full of injections from a heroin addict? You know just how to impress me!")

Meanwhile, on the beach, Charlie gives Claire and Aaron a DHARMA medical kit, which has a vaccine for Aaron. Charlie tells Claire he injected himself with a dose to make sure it worked, and that there was enough vaccine in the kit to last Claire and Aaron a long time. Claire then sees Jack and Michael emerging from the jungle. So do Sun and Jin. However, the jovial mood abruptly changes when they notice the graves of the fallen.

In the next flashback, we see Michael unbagged at a campfire by Mr. Friendly. Accompanying Mr. Friendly is Alex Rousseau from "Maternity Leave" and the man Michael ran into earlier. The Others also bring another prisoner to the campsite, and they tell the gagged Michael not to make a sound. This scene overlaps with the climax from "The Hunting Party", where we see Jack and Locke arguing about where Michael may have gone, the survivor's first contact with Mr. Friendly, and where the other prisoner is revealed to be Kate. After Mr. Friendly gives Kate back to the castaways, Alex apologizes to Michael and knocks him out with her rifle.

At the beach during the present, Jack and Sawyer gather up weapons and supplies for their offensive. The leave the tent and meet Sayid, who wants to know what happened in the Hatch. Jack and Sawyer inform him about the murders, and Henry Gale's escape. Sayid insists he should join them, but Jack tells him he won't be coming, since Michael specifically wanted a five-member party. Sayid refuses to accept this, and is then given a handgun by Sawyer. "Welcome aboard," Sawyer says.

("Finally. I haven't been on Homestar Runner in ages.")

In the Swan, Mr. Eko has taken the responsibility of entering the code. Charlie discovers him at the computer. Eko informs Charlie that he will be moving into the Swan to input the code, and that he will stop building the church. Charlie is upset by this news and storms off.

On the surface, Sawyer informs Michael that Sayid has been recruited. Michael becomes very angry upon hearing this news. Sawyer responds, "Oh I'm sorry! Just figured if we're going to war, we would want the one guy whose actually been in a war, got a problem?" Michael agrees, but after Sawyer walks off, he gives off the evil look that he is conspiring to do something awful.

In the next flashback, Michael and the Others arrive at the camp. It seems Michael told the truth about what the camp looked like. Indeed, the Others live in makeshift tents and seem to have a lack of supplies. The Others also guard what seems to be yet another DHARMA station. The camp is located under an unusual rock formation, which is rectangular with a hole in the middle.

Michael is tied up and is forced to give a sample of blood in a syringe. He demands to know where Walt is. A woman then approaches who identifies herself as "Miss Klugh." She starts asking questions about Walt's childhood. Michael explains that he was halfway around the world when Walt was growing up, and that he doesn't know the answers to Miss Klugh's questions. Miss Klugh responds by saying, "for someone so desperate to get his son back, you don't know much about him."

I Must Be Some Sort Of Raving Idiot.
("Sure Michael, I believe you. I also believe that dinosaurs didn't exist and George Bush craps rainbows.")

In the present, Michael approaches Sayid on the beach, telling Sayid he is not coming. He dodges any argument by stating that since it's Walt being held hostage, Michael alone should decide who stays and who goes, and he has decided Sayid should stay. Sayid seems to give in to Michael's demands and shakes his hand.

Meanwhile, Charlie struggles to build the church all by himself. Out of nowhere, Vincent the golden retreiver appears, and gives Charlie a heroin-filled Virgin Mary statue. Charlie follows Vincent to Sawyer's stash of statues. Not succumbing to temptation, Charlie gathers up all the statues and throws them in the ocean, with Locke watching nearby.

Just One Big Mass Grave Will Do.
(They are building their horseshoe pits way too close.)

In the Swan, Jack finds Mr. Eko and demands to know what they did the previous night when they were supposed to be looking for Henry Gale. Eko tells Jack that they could not find Henry Gale; he doesn't tell Jack about the discovery of the Pearl and the DHARMA surveillance system. Jack and Sawyer then load up more supplies, engaging in small talk. Sawyer confesses to Jack about his sexual encounter with Ana-Lucia before she was killed. Jack is dumbfounded, and asks, "Why are you telling me this, Sawyer?" Sawyer responds, "Because you are about the closest thing I have to a friend, Doc -- because she's gone."

Back on the beach, Kate and Hurley dig the graves. Michael approaches, asking Hurley to join him in fighting the Others. When Hurley refuses, Michael attempts to goad him by saying the Others killed Libby. Kate and Hurley are aggrivated by this. Hurley restrains himself, apologizes for Walt's ordeal, and states he will not be going.

Look Dad, I Have A Beard Now!

We go to a flashback, taking place just three days prior. It's nightfall, and Michael has been tied up in a tent for what he says is a week. Miss Klugh returns, bringing Michael food. Michael wants to know if he will be killed, and demands to see Walt. Miss Klugh informs him that Walt is outside, and soon they are reunited for only three minutes. Walt informs Michael that the Others made him take tests, and that the Others are "pretending". Miss Klugh threatens Walt with another visit to "The Room" and Walt becomes quiet. Michael promises Walt they he will free his son, and it is at this point that the Others take Walt away, breaking Michael's spirit. Miss Klugh gives Michael a list of the names of four survivors that Michael must bring back to the camp:

Jack Shepard
Kate Austen
Hugo Reyes
James Ford

Miss Klugh also tells Michael to free one of their own, captured by the survivors -- Henry Gale. If he does, Miss Klugh says, he and Walt will be set free. If not, Michael will never see Walt again. Michael agrees, and also demands that they have custody of the Others' boat, presumably to escape the island afterwards.

In present time on the beach, the survivors gather for the double-funeral of Ana-Lucia and Libby. As they walk, Sayid informs Jack of his belief that Michael has been "compromised." He proposes to Jack that they lead Michael to believe that he still in control of the situation, so they can have an advantage when they attack the Others (which will take place the next morning).

The episode ends with the funeral, with Jack and Hurley giving the eulogies. Hurley changes his earlier position and tells Michael he will join them in their attack. Sun spots something in the ocean, and the survivors gather on the beach looking at it, excited: it's a sailboat.


Now, was it just me, or did the producers do something to Walt's voice? I swear to you, there was some dubbing/pitchshifting going on there to make it sound higher. Is that really necessary? I mean, we haven't seen him for about 7 months; I think fans of the show will let it slide if he looks a little bigger than before. This is one thing that I believe the producers can let go of. We won't be mad, you have my permission.

Let's take the A-train to Numberville! Woot, woot!

The Numbers:

Going To The Country.
(The surviving members of Canned Heat emerge from the woods to record an album.)

4 - Hands down, the coolest moment of the night was when Mr. Friendly nailed Michael in the back of the head with that bolo. That felt good. I assume that the guy's pure evil and all, but I was rooting for him, if only for a second. Remember, when Michael's knocked out, he can't scream 'WAAAALLLLT!'

A close runner up was Sun's exclaiming of "Boat!" I laughed because it was sort of stupid, but endearing at the same time. Sun's been nothing more than an extra for three weeks, and when they finally give her some lines, that's what she has to work with. When I finally sit down to write my TV pilot that stars Sun, she'll finally get the screen time she deserves.

For those out of the loop, I'm writing a crime drama/buddy comedy that stars Sun and a Proboscis monkey named Moon. They will work together in Hawaii, solving crimes and teasing us every week with their 'will they or won't they?' flirting. Working title: 'Sun and Moon.'

I'm Taking My Ball And Going Home.
("That's the guy, Sayid. That's the guy who took my Nerf bat.")

8 - This was a well-acted episode from most everyone on camera. They are faced with some very unsavory circumstances, and it's showing in the personality of the characters. Michael's reunion with Walt was genuinely emotional, and really shone light on why he did what he did. Personally, I don't think Walt's all that important, but hey, I'm not a dad.

Eko's spat with Charlie was also an interesting parallel, almost reflecting Jack & Locke's 'science versus reason' debate. Sawyer's conversation with Jack about Ana Lucia was an unexpectedly tender monent, especially when they got all bare-chested and oily.

Cause I'm A Liar, That's Why!
("I'm sorry! I'm just an abnormally terrible liar! Oh, I'm also an idiot.")

15 - Michael’s an idiot, and here's why.

First off, he didn’t have to kill anyone. He could have easily told the truth and worked with the four people to make some sort of plan of action. They were planning on letting Henry go in the hopes of a trade anyways, so the wheels were already in motion. But no. Instead of taking the easy road, Michael caps two ladies and drags the castaways into all sorts of danger. Smoooth.

Also, Michael didn't know how to play his cards in the Other's camp. When they started asking him questions, he should have been lying through his teeth, which he's really good at:

Ms. Klugh: "Did you ever see Walt in places where he shouldn't be?"

Michael: "Oh, hells yeah. He's a shapeshifter, and I'm the only one that has a handle on him. All y'all better let me go, because he can put a curse on you that makes you crap your pants every time you blink. Seriously, it's all kinds of messed up. Give me a boat."

You Must Be This Tall To Ride.
(Nobody gets back into Chuck-E-Cheese without a hand stamp.)

16 - Walt was trying to tell Michael that this whole 'living off the land' business is a bunch of crap, which we all figured out during "Maternity Leave." He mentions that they make him do tests and that they're 'pretending.' I'm really hoping that someone rips Zeke's beard off next week, in a Scooby-style surprise ending.

Jack: "Let's see who you really are!"

(dramatic reveal)

Hurley: "Why, it's Cranky Pat, owner of the Old Mill!"

Zeke/Cranky Pat: "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling castaways!"

Vincent: "Rooby-roo!"

The way that the Others were acting when Michael was brought into their turf was clearly staged. Scowling whilst guarding the hatch door and whatnot; they're all full of it, and we all know it. The clean syringe and the clean plastic bag in which to do bloodwork was the real clincher. Michael's not too bright, sadly.

I wonder how the Others knew the names of the four people they wanted. Stranger still, why do they want them? We're going to find out why the plane crashed next week, so I'm assuming we'll figure out the reasons the Others know so much about the castaways. Perhaps the whole group was selected when the plane went down.

Also, the producers said that there was a still-burning cigarette in the Pearl hatch when Eko and Locke peeked in to investigate. Not only does this state that the Pearl is still in some basic operation, but there's another way out of the station, and perhaps the Swan hatch was being monitored.

Keith Richards' Best Friend.
(Vincent is a purebred White Heroin Retriever.)

23 - I hate to break it to those who don't know yet, but we're going to see at least one more death this season. The early assumption is that it will be Michael; due to the fact that he's only coming back as a guest next season. It's also rumored that Desmond and Henry will become full-time cast members, so it's probably not either of them.

However, Charlie is making a big resolution on the the island with the church and the smack and all, and we know that always means death. He also took the mystery vaccine he gave to Claire and Aaron. Frankly, I don't know what it would be that kills him, but he's #2 on my most-likely list.

Loser Michael's going to be responsible for the lives of a lot of castaways hanging in the balance; expect a cliffhanger next week that shows almost nobody is safe from harm. He's running them right into a huge trap, the turd.

42 - Who's on that sailboat? Clearly, one would assume it's Desmond. That appears to be the racing boat he crashed ashore three years ago, and maybe he tried to make a break for it after 'Man of Science, Man of Faith.' Much like 'Adrift' however, people keep getting sucked right back onto the island. It's like the Rosie O'Donnell of the Pacific Ocean; no matter how hard we try to shake them off, they keep on coming back to annoy us.

The Non-Preview:

Live Together, Eat Pie Alone.
(Desmond busts out the Dharma bachelorette party tape.)

There will be an entire post devoted to previewing the Season Finale on Monday. Come back for photos, confirmed spoilers and naked pictures of Bernard.

As always, here are links to every Lost Friday this season. They're dying to love you, if you would only let them in.

Send hate/fan mail to, and start the conversation in the comments section. Remember, Lost Friday will be taking over the CDP ALL NEXT WEEK, so check back constantly, or a million kittens will be batter-dipped and boiled. Peace.


Thursday, May 18

Katharine McPhee Watch - Volume 10.

Katharine McPhee and some loser.

92,000 people auditioned for American Idol this year.

There are now 2 singers left, and Katharine McPhee is one of them.

Just thought you might want to know. Allow me to beam like a proud father.

She's in the finale, yo! I'd like to think I played a small role in this achievement, with my words of encouragement, stalker mentality and whatnot. I could have kidnapped her weeks ago, but no- I wanted her to become a worldwide star, and not just a star in the secret room in my crawl space.

After watching the show on Tuesday, I didn't really know who had the upper hand. I mean, I knew that Taylor Hicks wasn't going anywhere, but that was about all I could speculate. Allowing him to sing a Joe Cocker song was exactly what the audience needed to remember the Taylor of old. The face making, seizure-inducing, turret's-syndrome suffering Taylor of old.

For a long time now, Taylor's been untouchable. He's never been in the bottom 3, and his odds of winning were always through the roof. But after seeing the razor-thin vote percentages last night, I see that Katharine has a decent chance of walking away the winner. Sure, the trip back to L.A. didn't do much to boost her popularity in the sticks, but you never really know.

The finale is Tuesday and the results show is Wednesday- which happens to be at the same time as the Lost season closer. Look, you don't need to watch the results show (it'll take a second to look up online), watch Lost and thank me in the morning.

There you have it. Sound off in the comments section and get ready for Lost Friday, along with a big announcement about what's going on here next week. Peace.


Wednesday, May 17

The Anti-Punchline.

The eye is lazy, and is attracted to white space.

It's a beautiful day out. Birds are singing and bees are trying to have sex with them, or so I've been told.

Enjoy your Wednesday and sound off in the comments section.

Thursday: Katharine McPhee Watch.

Friday: Lost Friday.

Tuesday, May 16

The Colonel Has Been Murdered.

Forever Hitler.

As the curtain falls on yet another season of network television, we have to sadly say goodbye to one of the most promising sitcoms since Arrested Development.

Folks, Sons & Daughters got cancelled.

Here's the scoop, taken directly from Fred Goss' ABC Blog:

It's Over.

I don't know a more delicate way to break the news to you all. Sons & Daughters is done. I am of course heart broken. My heart and soul went into this one. These characters feel like my family because in many ways they are. I hate like hell having to give you all news like this after all the high hopes you've expressed for a pick up. I've sometimes been accused of being a "glass half empty" kind of guy but at the moment I don't feel that it's inappropriate or self-indulgent to feel bad about this.

I don't know how long this blog will remain up. It could go at any moment actually. If you guys would like to keep in touch, I have a myspace site that I started for the show and will gladly keep up with. I post a blog there as well.

My site is url is:

My blog url is:

Again, thank you everybody for all the support. I promise you I will return soon with another project. I also promise I won't compromise my creative voice in order to succeed commercially. I'm sure there's a way to make this improvised, more realistic, comedic format work for a wide audience.

Back to the drawing board. Peace.

So long, Sons & Daughters. Lament and sound off in the comments section.

Monday, May 15

Back With A Cartoon Vengeance.

Go Mavericks!

Oh Lord, he's doing cartoons again. I thought we squashed that pipe dream a year ago.

How would you feel about reading a bunch more of these? Sound off in the comments section, and enjoy your Monday.