Friday, October 13

Lost Friday - "The Glass Ballerina."

The Glass Ballerina.
Season 3 - Episode 2: "The Glass Ballerina."

Another Lost Friday is upon us; we have much to discuss. Happy Friday the 13th to you.

I don't know about you, but I liked this episode a whole helluva lot. In my opinion, it did everything right, advanced the plot, pretty much wrapped up the Jin/Sun/Sayid cliffhanger and had fantastic flashback sequences. Sure, there are other storylines that we'd rather be focusing on, but all things considered, this was a great interjection and a chance to get our bearings together after the Season Premiere.

Also, my opinion of this episode is in no way biased due to my deep (and extremely unhealthy) feelings for Sun, so you can cram that theory straight up your chute. Make with The Skinny!


The episode begins with a flashback to Sun's house when Sun was just a little girl. A crystal ballerina is spinning through the air until it crashes, shattering into pieces. Sun, who is the only person present in the room, flees in terror. Later, her father confronts her and asks her if she broke the glass ballerina. Sun lies and tells her father that it was the maid who broke the ballerina even though her father tells her that he will fire the maid if Sun accuses her.

Is my glass eye too obvious?

Jack is sitting in the corner of the aquarium where he is being held captive. Juliet brings soup to him, which she claims she made herself. On returning to Ben, where Ben is monitoring video feeds of Jack, Sawyer, and Kate, he comments that Juliet never made soup for him. Colleen enters and warns Ben that Sayid has discovered the false village and also that he has a sailboat. Ben insists she form a team to capture the boat. Later, Colleen is seen gathering people.

With the desire of protecting Sun and her unborn child, Jin tells Sayid that he thinks it is time to return to the camp. Sayid tells Jin and Sun that he will not abandon Jack and suggests that they move to a different location to light a new signal fire. Sun sides with Sayid, and she sails the boat further around the island.

On the beach, while the three are making a fire, Sun asks Sayid why he is lying, and Sayid admits he thinks the others have been captured and he intends to ambush the Others and take some hostages and kill the rest. He asks Sun to lie to Jin, but Jin soon realizes what is really going on, and tells Sun he knows more English than she thinks he does and that she betrayed him with her lie.

That's it, I'm kicking your ass.
("If you sing one more Dixie Chicks song, I'm going to saw your beautiful head off.")

Later that night, while Jin and Sayid are on the shore, a group of Others boards the sailboat. Colleen encounters Sun below deck and surprisingly Sun shoots her in the stomach after Colleen insisted she would not. Sun barely escapes the boat while being shot at. The Others steal the boat and Jin rescues Sun from the water.

Ben visits Jack and formally introduces himself as Benjamin Linus. He tells Jack that he will need him to do something for him in the future. Ben shows Jack a video of the Red Sox winning the World Series to prove that they have contact with the outside world and can take Jack home.

In flashbacks, Sun's father discovers the relationship she was having with Jae Lee. While he doesn't tell Jin about it, he demands that Jin kill him. Jin, not wanting to murder anyone, informs Jae Lee that he must leave the country and disappear. Moments after leaving Jae Lee's apartment, a shamed Jae Lee kills himself by jumping from his window. At Jae Lee's funeral, Sun's father informs her that it's not his place to tell Jin what he knows.

I guess the rumors are true.
(" should really have that looked at.")

While Sawyer and Kate are working outside, Sawyer kisses Kate in order to instigate the guards. Sawyer fights them before being tasered. Sawyer later reveals that he did it to learn which guards would give them a problem if they tried to escape. The episode ends with Ben looking at a bank of monitors watching and listening to Kate and Sawyer.

Well, there you go. Things happened; people watched. Make with The Numbers!

Dow Chemical.

4 - I hate Juliet. Hate, hate, abso-freaking-lutely hate this woman with the burning intensity of a million hydrogen bombs. I might actually hate this woman more than Ana Lucia, which I thought was impossible until last week. However, this burning hatred is a credit to the writing staff, because this woman is pure evil.

I'm evil, and that's okay.
(Due to her crooked jaw, Juliet was always walking at a slight angle.)

Her condescending attitude makes me vibrate with anger, mainly because I know a lot of people who act like her in reality (supervisors and middle-managers, mostly). Clearly, her and Ben were an item at some point; she acts like a male, less homoerotic version of him. The way she was talking down to Jack last week, and her cold and calculated way of doing things is rapidly making her the most monsterous villan on television.

Damn, I hate this woman. That's a good thing, though.

8 - Watching Jae Lee get his ass kicked by Jin was incredibly satisfying. I sincerely wanted the scene to last 5 minutes longer and get far more violent. I mean, I wanted Jin to tear this guy apart. Rule #1 of Not Being A Complete Ass is to not seduce a married woman, no matter how volitile their relationship might be. True, they didn't sleep together, but it still would have been enough to send me on a murderous rampage. When Sun's dad sent Jin to 'finish the job,' I was all but waving a pennant at the TV that said 'Graphic Violence' on it.

I feel just terrible for you.
("I never made the connection that cheating on a hitman's wife was a bad idea!")

The way he was bloody and crying with the gun to his head was poetic, and pretty much saved an otherwise quiet show from being lost in the Season Three shuffle. Had Jin known what he had done, his body would have never been identified. Luckily for Jae Lee, he was able to die with some dignity.

The fall onto Jin's windshield was flat-out awesome. Not only did Jin not have to kill him, but Sun's dad believes that Jin has obeyed his orders, and Sun feels terrible forever. Everyone wins.

Problem solved.
(Jae Lee, knowing that he couldn't afford to live anywhere else but New Jersey, kills himself.)

It should also be noted that the beginning of the episode was important to the underlying message of the episode. Mainly that Sun's kind of a liar, and Jin is a sad, sad man that nobody feels the need to be honest with.

15 - Should I take it as a compliment that they recognized the Red Sox World Series win, or should I be upset that Jack didn't believe it for a second?

Man, Curt Shilling is a beautiful man.
("God, David Ortiz is a beautiful man.")

That was a great scene, with Jack getting a glimpse of the real world again. Also, it was nice throwback to what Christian used to tell him about "The Sox winning the series." Anytime the 2004 MLB Playoffs are mentioned on TV, I'm a happy guy. Also, is Ben telling the truth about the date? I know it's still November of 2004 on the island, but perhaps he's pulling one over on us. There have been many theories about the timeframe not being what we think it is, but if you take Ben at his word, everything seems to be pretty much in order.

Benjamin revealed that his last name is Linus and he's lived on the island for his entire life. Thought you might want to know that.

16 - Sun shot that Colleen chick right in the gut. Good; I didn't like that girl, anyways. How uncool to open fire on a pregnant woman. You'd assume that they want her baby just as much as they wanted Aaron, Walt and that slew of tykes from the tail section.

Please let me kill someone.
(In just under 30 seconds, Sayid murders a thousand people in his mind.)

Sayid was uber-cool in this episode. He was setting a signal fire, walking straight up the Pala Ferry dock and assuring Jin that everything was safe; which led me to believe that Sayid was slowly becoming an idiot. However, he (as usual) knew exactly what was going on, and had a bloodbath in mind. "I'll take two of them hostage and kill the rest."

I've been known to do that on occasion, myself.

23 - Clearly, Kate and Sawyer will emerge from their slavery as a couple. Also, they are about two of the most dangerous castaways on the island. I expect a bloody escape attempt during Episode 6. I really got a kick out of the irritable guy with the tazer; I think Sawyer broke his nose. By the way, kissing Kate was probably worth the brutal pistol whipping.

Also, the only reason Kate was put in a dress was to boost the sex appeal this season; I'm absolutely sure of it. That all being said, it's working like a charm. She looked good, probably better than I've ever seen her on the show. I have this thing for chicks with bloody wrists and pickaxes. Unfortunately, there is not yet a website that spotlights this fetish. Leave it to me to find the only unexplored kink on the planet.

You ate the last Ding-Dong!
(Action Fat Guy!)

I'm going to rig my refrigerator so that whenever I open it, I get the same celebratory fanfare that Sawyer gets when he trips the food button. For whatever reason, I think that's absolutely hilarious. I mean, why would bears want to hear that music?

Also, what are the Others building? Can't the Widmore group drop them a jackhammer from the sky?

What does it take to get a color TV in here?
(For someone who's lived on the island his whole life, you'd think he'd be more tan.)

42 - Ben wants to make a deal with Jack for his freedom. I wonder what it is? Furthermore, it'll be interesting to see who's feeding the Others all of the castaway information from the outside world.

It's probably Johnny Damon. He's such a traitor. Make with the preview!

The CDP Webstore!

Hey, Boone's Back!
("Please let my character die.")

Episode 3 - "Further Instructions."

4 - This episode is Locke-centric. It could be the episode where we find out how he got paralyzed, but I sort of doubt it. In fact, I sort of doubt we'll ever find out.

8 - The official press release reads: "The fates of Locke, Eko and Desmond are revealed after the implosion of the hatch, while Hurley returns to the beach camp to tell the tale of what happened when he, Jack, Kate and Sawyer encountered "The Others." Meanwhile, Claire is shocked to find Nikki and Paulo in Jack's tent."

Oooh, Nikki and Paulo! I love those two!

15 - Expect to see a bizarre dream sequence taking place at the Oceanic airport, involving most of the cast. These sequences will lead to us seeing Boone again, sending Locke on a journey very reminescent of Season 1. Of course, Shannon will show up in a bikini to berate the both of them, just for old time's sake.

I don't draw good.
("This is you. You suck.")

16 - Again, Desmond's going to be naked. Whoever said that sex on TV was a one-gender affair?

23 - This might be the last episode having anything to do with the hatch, so savor the flavor. This season has been mythology-free so far (just like I said it would), so this episode should satisfy those Lost fans that prefer the DHARMA-style mystery that Season 2 was so full of (like me). The more baffling of an ordeal this show becomes, the happier I get.

42 - This episode was originally scheduled to be Episode 2, so don't expect any overlap between this episode and the previous two. Apparently, the producers wanted to run the Jin/Sun episode first, which makes sense considering the overall landscape of the storyline.

Thanks for checking out another week of Lost Friday. If you want to talk, sound off in the comments section or send an e-mail to If you want to make a donation or buy some CDP merch, check out the links at the top of the page. Otherwise, head on over to The Coconut Internet and tell everyone how much of an ass I am.

I'm a big boy, I can take it. See you Monday.


Wednesday, October 11

Link Party* - October Edition.

The CDP's October Link Party.

1. "Hey, what did you do this weekend?"

First off, thanks for asking. On Friday, we went to a fantastic concert at The Loft, a nice Madison venue for the hipsters and Locomotive Engineer hat-wearing crowd. Headlining the show was Minus The Bear, with P.O.S. and the Velvet Teen opening. These artists have released three of the best albums of the past year in my opinion, so I was very excited.

The Velvet Teen.

The three members of the Velvet Teen (who absolutely never tour) created a wall of sound that rivaled even the 5-piece noodling of Minus The Bear. Their new album, Cum Laude, is a huge artistic triumph and a sure-fire Album of the Year candidate for the CDP.

The Velvet Teen. Again.

Their new drummer was an absolute monster behind the kit, giving one of the most jaw-dropping and technical performances I've ever seen. Seriously, I've seen hundreds of good live drummers, but this guy was instantly placed in my top five. We shot a video clip with our digital camera, but the drumming was so fierce that everything got distorted.

The Almighty P.O.S.

Next up was Minneapolis' very own P.O.S., who was masterful at working over the mostly-indie crowd. His new album, Audition, is hands-down the best rap album of the year, drawing huge on punk influences and self-effacing introspection. He had a small but rabid fanbase in attendance (including myself), but surely earned himself a few hundred new fans when his set was over.

The Almighty P.O.S...Again.

His crowd interaction, intelligence and intensity were unparalleled; why this guy isn't a huge star yet is beyond me. After the show, he challenged all fans to a thumb-wrestling competition; if he lost, he would give you free stuff. Brilliant.

Minus The Bear.

Minus The Bear took the stage to a thunderous reaction, and slowly slipped the crowd into a coma over the course of an hour. Don't get me wrong, I love the group, it's just that listening to too much of them at one time will hypnotize you.

Minus The Bear. Again.

Their perfected, calculated and breezy sounds are the perfect music for drinking on a harbor dock or driving backroads at 2am, not standing on tired feet in a club. We left during their encore, and they only played about two songs that I really wanted to hear. On the upside, their new material sounded great.

On Saturday, me and the Missus ran all over Madison, spending money on crap we didn't need. I bought an armload of CD's and the Missus bought a bunch of accessories for our new phones. I'm just happy that I don't have to stand outside anymore to call my Mom.

2. "Hey, what are you watching?"

What am I watching this season? Every-damn-thing. Out of the 25+ shows I'm following this year, here's my top ten so far (not including cable):

10. Jericho
9. Supernatural
8. The Simpsons
7. My Name Is Earl
6. Friday Night Lights
5. House
4. Heroes
3. The Office
2. Studio 60
1. Lost

As far as news shows this year are concerned, if you're not watching Heroes or Studio 60, there's something seriously wrong with you. NBC made the wise decision to run reruns of their shows all week on their respective cable networks, so it's never too late to jump on board.

3. "Hey, what are you listening to?"

Here are the last 10 tracks and albums to take a spin in my sweet ride:

1. "My Girlfriend's Best Friend" - The Sun - Did Your Mother Tell You?
2. "Get Myself Into It" - The Rapture - Pieces Of The People We Love
3. "Flugufrelsarinn [The Fly's Saviour]" - Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun
4. "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" - Scissor Sisters - Ta-Dah
5. "Stand By Me" - Ben E. King - The Very Best Of The Drifters
6. "Stand Up (and get murdered)" - P.O.S. - Audition
7. "Trains To Brazil" - Guillemots - From The Cliffs
8. "So. Central Rain (I'm sorry)" - R.E.M. - Best Of The I.R.S. Years (1982-1987)
9. "Gyzmkid" - The Velvet Teen - Cum Laude!
10. "Sames & Opposites" - Demitri Martin - These Are Jokes

4. "Hey, what are you reading?"

The Nintendo Wii.

As you can tell, I don't have too much time for book-learnin' right about now, but I did pick up the new issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly; mainly because of their Guitar Hero 2 preview. I haven't been this excited for a video game since Super Mario Bros. 3 in 1990.

Super Mario Bros. 3.

Also, I'm quite excited for the release of the Nintendo Wii in November. I don't consider myself to be anywhere near a hardcore gamer, which is exactly why I'm excited about the Wii. Nintendo understands the concept of appealing to the casual gamer with easy games and 'jump right in' concepts. I like games I can play with the Missus, and judging by the early reviews of the system, Nintendo has a good chance of winning the next round of the console wars. Also, the Wii will retail for around $250, whereas the PS3 is weighing in at $600. No, thank you.

5. "Hey, what else in new on the CDP Network?"

Welcome To The New Glarus Hotel!

Not too much; updates have been few and far between. If you want to be included on the CDP Network (and get a few hundred extra hits a month), send an e-mail to, and we'll talk.

Sound off in the comments section and tell us what you're up to. Lost Friday arrives next.

(* links not included.)

Monday, October 9

Free MySpace Poetry.

Free MySpace Poetry!

Are you a sensitive boy or girl on MySpace? Are you pining for that perfect piece of poetry or prose that will perpetuate your pathetic pomposity? Do you want to appear emotional and deep, but just don't have the effort and creativity?

Look no further!

We here at the CDP have composed Free MySpace Poetry just for you! Simply choose the piece that best represents your suffering, lifeless and eternally tortured soul; then copy, paste and watch the friend requests roll in!

Beginner Section.


Example #1 - Four-Line Sonnet (ABCB):

My heart cries so loudly,
From the tower, I shall fall,
And wait for my sweet Prince(ss),
To suck the tears from my eyeball.

Example #2 - Haiku (5-7-5):

Never say goodbye
To the girl (boy) you hold so dear
Just kill them instead.

Example #3 - Limerick (AABBA):

My soul is a flawed creation,
When it's padded with pink insulation
That makes my skin itch,
And I cry like a bitch
When my TiVo records the wrong station.

Example #4 - Rubaiyat (AABA):

Tonight I'll slit my wrists in two;
Anything to prove that my love is true.
But I suppose I should just begin
By simply saying hello to you.

(Fact: MySpace is owned by the Fox Network.)

Intermediate Section.


Example #5 - Cinquain (ABABB):

The moon was as full as my tummy
When we left the Chinese place.
The Egg Foo Yung was yummy,
Even though I despise their race.
(I need a pointed hood to hide my face.)

Example #6 - Terza rima (ABA BCB...):

I'm sporting gorgeous Emo hair;
Admiring my reflection in the mirror.
Why is life so unfair?

Why has God put me here?
With my expensive clothes and credit cards?
Everyone thinks I'm a queer.

Example #7 - Ottava Rima (ABAB AB CC):

You have to take those photos down
From your gallery on Flickr.
Your Elementary School graduation gown
Is making my heart beat quicker.

Your profile says that you live in my town,
And now I'm feeling a bit sicker.

Please don't let me end up on Dateline.
No, please don't let me end up on Dateline.

(Fact: 35-54 year olds make up 41% of MySpace users.)

Yep, that was me.


Example #8 - Rondelet (A4b8A4a8b8b8A4):

When I'm with Mom
She buys me things I can't afford.
When I'm with Mom
Not Communist like Vietnam.
A hat, some gum, a new skateboard
I'll tell you, sir, I'm never bored
When I'm with Mom.

Example #9 - Petrarchan Sonnet (A8BBA8 A8BBA8 C8DE C8DE):

This girl's been on my mind again.
Last name Portman, first name Natalie;
Cooler than a million Mortal Kombat fatalities,
But I can't use cheat codes to win.

She rules over my heart again.
Like a sovereign principality.
Ying to my Yang in this duality.
Sieze me like eminent domain.

I saw her on the bus today.
I said "I loved you in The Professional,"
"For a twelve year old, you looked quite well."

She blasted me with pepper spray.
And I headed over to the confessional

Because Catholic boys go straight to hell.

Example #10 - Shakespearean Sonnet (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG):

When the world comes crashing from above,
I'll meet my maker, face to face.
He'll ask me how I lived and loved,
And I'll reply, "On MySpace."

I'll tell Him how I stayed indoors,
Adding friends and searching names.
Taking photographs of liquor stores,
With my tears just out of frame.

"MySpace is no more than spam!" He'll exclaim.
Brushing the black hairs from my eye.
"In all My creation, I've never seen something so lame."
"I'll see to it that Tom's friends all die."

I understand now, why He was so stern with me.
From now on, I'll only visit the CDP.

(Fact: He who dies with the most friend requests...still dies.)

Feel free to use as many of these as you want; I'll leave it up to you if you want to credit or not. I'm just here to help.