Friday, October 27

Lost Friday - "Every Man For Himself."

Lost Friday - Every Man For Himself.
Season 3 - Episode 4: "Every Man For Himself."

Another Lost Friday is upon us; we have much to discuss.

You know, there were so many things to talk about this week, I didn't really know the best way to cover them all. Then (because I'm embarrassingly intelligent and good-looking), I decided on an "All-Numbers" edition of Lost Friday. That allows me to get to the bottom of every last angstrom of this episode, while still maintaining the easy-to-swallow format you've grown to know and love at the CDP.


Damn, I'm smooth.
(Desmond peers two weeks into the future to see how awesome his beard's gunna look.)

12 Reasons Why This Episode Was Better Than You:

1. Jack was being forced to watch cartoons in his cell. I'd be doing that willingly, preferably the old Warner Brothers' stuff. In fact, the parallels between DHARMA and ACME are far too plentiful to ignore. If I see a huge trampoline or rocket skates just once this season, I'm calling a copyright lawyer.

2. We got to hear Sawyer's rousing Bear Cage Fanfare again. I simply can't get enough of that; the idea that polar bears would care the smallest bit about a Sousa number is hilarious to me.

That all you got, Costanza?
(At this point, Sawyer is barely being held together with tin foil and pieces of string.)

3. Ben was going all Rodney King on Sawyer's ass with a collapsible baton. I'm certain that nobody's been beat up more that Sawyer on this show. He's been shot, tortured multiple times and punched in the face more than Vinny Pazienza (or Tina Turner, if you prefer).

4. We saw a beautiful homage to my favorite movie of all-time, Pulp Fiction. Watch it again this weekend, it's still good. Sure, John Travolta has since joined the Church of Scientology and become nuttier than an outhouse rat, but surely we can put that aside for... nah, screw it. He ruined everything.

Where's Vincent Vega when you need him?
(Does DHARMA have working defribulators? Nope. A Pain Stick? Sure!)

5. For about 55 minutes, we were under the impression that Ben made an albino rabbit's heart explode. If you can think of another time this has happened on TV, let me know, because you'd either be lying, or have the "Shaking Rabbits To Death" channel on your satellite dish. In each case, I'd like to have a word with you. I can bring nachos.

6. Dead rabbits aside, we began to approach Saw territory when we're led to believe that Sawyer has a pacemaker inside of him and must keep his heart rate below 140. Just his luck, this also happens to be the day that Kate gets naked in front of him. Man, if I had a nickel for every time this has happened to me, I'd be eating Nickel Soup.

Oh, Canada.
("What was that noise? It sounded like Sawyer's heart exploding.")

7. So yeah, Kate got naked in front of Sawyer. I was in the kitchen at the time, fixing myself a plate of cheese and crackers, so I sort of missed it. This is why I shouldn't walk around during Lost, and this is also why the Internet was invented.

8. Colleen died, which is a good thing. I'm was a little let down, however, that Jack didn't start hammering her in the chest, screaming "Come on!" until she was revived. It's worked at least two other times for him, so why not go for the hat trick?

I wasn't supposed to take that out, was I?
(Having only operated on marine life, Juliet instinctively starts pulling out all of the eggs.)

9. Keeping with the spirit of Sawyer getting the living piss beaten out of him, Pickett (Chinatown) whaled on our con-artist friend until Kate intervened. I felt sympathetic for Pickett, but I also felt bad for Jack, who was cuffed to Colleen's corpse for nearly an hour.

10. Sawyer got conned by Ben, as they are actually on a second island with no escape. This flies in the face of common sense and logic, but I'm going to roll with it because we got to see the bunny again.

We're putting in a Hobby Lobby.
("We're turning that entire island into a Gift Shop.")

11. Desmond probably saved the lives of Aaron, Charlie and that whiny Aussie because of his newfound future-predicting skills. Good for him!

12. In the flashbacks, we learned that Sawyer used to be a con man. He was!? The flashbacks this week existed mainly to show Sawyer's soft side, and that he's really good at conning people.

Got any Crisco?
(Kate gets her head stuck between the bars again.)

10 Things That Are Sort Of Important:

1. Jack is starting to play Juliet against Ben, much like Ben did the same to Jack and Locke. Only in this set of circumstances, it won't end with Ana Lucia and Libby getting killed. However, I wish they could bring those two back just to kill them again. In fact, Ana and Libby should be murdered every episode.

2. When Colleen returned wounded, Ben says "The sub is back!" This is very important, as it explains how the Others are getting from island to island (without getting wet). Also, this adds to the theory that the two islands are connected underwater. Or maybe, just maybe, there's a Cousins Subs on the island that we're not aware of.

No, they have a freaking submarine. Unreal.

Where's the Torture Channel?
("Ahhh, I finally found the "All Torture Channel."")

3. Tom was mentioning that since "the sky turned purple," their communications have been down and they don't seem to know what's wrong. This adds to the assumption that the Others don't exactly know everything about the DHARMA experiments. They, in fact, might be subjects as well. Or, they might be dolphins, I don't know anymore.

4. Judging by how unprepared they were for Colleen's death, it appears that the Others don't have much training in the field of medicine. It seems true that they're not murderers, but that doesn't seem to stop them from being massive assholes. Perhaps Ethan was their doctor, and he had to go and get capped by Charlie in Season One. In retrospect, it probably wasn't a good idea to send the only doctor on the island into an infiltration mission. I doubt this was the case.

Well, there's your problem.
(An island full of electromagnetic energy and just ONE guy gets a tumor?)

5. My theory is that Jack will be made a deal to leave the island if he saves whomever has the tumor in his back (probably Ben). He will then either join the Others, or leave the island. Then, he will have time for the Party Of Five reunion I've been writing the FOX network about.

6. There are two different islands. Did anyone predict that? I know a lot of people are calling foul, because in the Season 3 premiere, we saw the plane crash on the same island where the Others lived. That's all fine and good, but who says the Hydra station is on said island?

Why isn't it possible that the Others neighborhood and the Hydra station are on different islands, and they're shuttling back and forth, putting on costumes, designing false, this is getting a bit ridiculous.

Take that, young Gene Wilder!

7. In the conversation between Jack and Juliet, the writers gave us a callback to the Pilot episode, where Jack is asking Kate to stitch him up. That ruled.

8. Because the Nikki and Paulo scene got cut from last week's episode, the general audience has no idea who that jerk was that was giving Desmond a hard time on the beach. I don't know how many episodes they already have filmed, but they should do their best to establish who those 2 are, if they want the audience to care about them in the least.

You're lucky my chick's not here.
("As a new character, I envision a long and happy life here on the island.")

9. No, we still don't know why Desmond can sense the future.

10. Yes, Claire still annoys the hell outta me.

4 Things About The Next Episode (HUGE SPOILERS AHOY!):

Yaarrrggh! Tis a Dharma Pirate!
(Well, that explains the glass eye in the Arrow station. Just sayin' is all.)

1. The episode is called "The Cost Of Living."

2. It will be Eko-centric.

3. The official press release from ABC reads: "A delirious Eko wrestles with demons from his past, while Locke and some of the other castaways head back to The Pearl -- one of the Dharma Initiative's island stations -- hoping to find a computer that they can use to locate Jack, Kate and Sawyer. Meanwhile, Jack doesn't know whom to trust when two of "The Others" seem at odds with one another."

See you in hell, Eko.
("What? I just bought a house here!")

4. Okay. Listen to me, and listen closely. Someone's going to die this week. A major character, too. Seriously.

I'll tell you who it is, but I want to give everyone who doesn't want to know ample time to get the hell out of here.

I'll wait.

Okay, as amazed as I am to say it, it appears that next week will mark the swan song for Mr. Eko. This truly bums me out, but I'll be interested to see how they close the book on one of my favorite characters. Besides Bernard, there's pretty much no relevant tailies left on the island.

Are you sure?
("Dude, when you're done with the lightning rod, can I eat it?")

1 Final Question:

The way I write Lost Friday, coupled with my formatting and structure, fits perfectly within the bounds of an audio podcast. If I were to turn Lost Friday into a podcast, would you be interested in listening to it? Just curious.

Well, there you go. Another Lost Friday in the books. Sound off in the comments section with questions and praise, or e-mail me at if you want the personal touch. In the meantime, check out The Coconut Internet, they've been good to me, and they'll be good to you, too.

Wednesday, October 25

Hump Day Top 10.

Morbidly Overbese.

1. You know, there comes a time in every child's life when he has to wear a humiliating costume in front of 1000 classmates. For me, this time came in the mid-80's. Please enjoy one of the worst days ever, with...

October 13, 2005 - "It's My Costume."

2. Make sure you check out Weird Al's MySpace Page. "Don't Download This Song" made me laugh far harder than it should have, and the first 20 seconds of "You're Pitiful" killed me (I always thought the beginning sounded strange, now I have validation from the Master). You can also find the music video for "White & Nerdy" on GooTube, which is well worth your time.

3. After taking a 2-year hiatus when the completion of "72 Hours" was through, yours truly will begin work on a brand-spanking-new screenplay before the end of the year. This newfound inspiration came at the hands of a one Mr. Benjamin, who's utterly insane purchase of a $5000 digital camera sparked my creative juices. Just like I did in 2004, I've made him a promise to deliver a shootable screenplay, and I never let down my friends. I just hope that this time I can come up with something that isn't ripped off by a major television network. Wish me luck.

4. Helpful hint from the CDP: If you submerge your computer modem in Coca-Cola and let it soak overnight, it will run zero times faster than if you had just left it alone in the first place, jerk.

5. Coming up next month on the CDP, the countdown to Sweeps Month begins, with gems like "The Worst Album Covers Of All Time - Part Deux" and the Autumn finale of Lost Friday. If you're new to the page in recent months, I'll remind you that Sweeps Month is a time out of the year where we strive to get as many hits as possible to the CDP. This is when we bust out all of the year-end lists, publicity stunts and 2006 recaps. This year, Sweeps Month will be in December, as it simply makes more sense that way. I'm telling you now so you don't forget.

Buy some merch.

6. At my office, we're in the midst of the "Partners In Giving" campaign, where all state agencies try to raise as much money as possible for charity. As you know, the CDP has done its part, donating at least $100 a year to various charities of importance (again, if there's a charity you feel strongly about, pitch it to the CDP; we're still deciding).

I was a co-chairman on the "Partners In Giving" committee last year, and one of my money-making proposals was a legitimate street fight between me and the head Chairman. I figured that if 100 people in the agency paid $10 to see it, we'd be assured a cool grand.

Imagine my surprise when I wasn't elected on the committee this year. It's their loss.

7. Speaking of the office, my fellow co-workers had a funeral for one of the industrial printers in our building. "Brutus" was an HP laser-printer that had been with the department longer than I have. The day that Brutus was scheduled to be carted away and replaced with a smaller and faster model, we gathered around him and said a few words.

I wrote a haiku, which was then scotch-taped to the side of the machine. It read:

You destroyed copies
And made our jobs difficult.
I'll miss you, Brutus.

Minutes later, a pre-typed message came shooting out of Brutus, wishing us all well and reassuring us that he was going to a better place. Cake was served.

I work in a weird-ass office.

8. This weekend, Mr. Benjamin and Mrs. Sherry are making the journey to CDP Headquarters for a lively bout of pumpkin slingshotting and corn maze navigating. If you remember from last year, this was a pretty big day for all of us.

9. Heroes and Studio 60 are the best new shows on TV right now. Tuesday's episode of Studio 60 was of the most intelligent and captivating things I've seen on television all year (which means it's bound to be cancelled). If you can find a way to catch up and get on board, it would be in your best interest to do so.

10. Lists that have 10 items instead of 9 seem more important in the eyes of a casual passerby.

See you on Lost Friday. Tally-Ho!

Monday, October 23

An Inch Of October Snow.

Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart.

This past weekend destroyed me. I got home at 4am on Saturday night (Sunday morning), which will take days to even out, sleep-schedule-wise. I'm simply getting too old for my playboy lifestyle.

That all being said, I'm taking today off. Hell, I might even take tomorrow off. Sound off in the comments section and tell me aboot your weekend. And Erin, if you're reading this, e-mail those photos to me, post-haste (I promise not to publish them).