Friday, April 6

Lost Friday - "Left Behind."

Lost Friday - Left Behind.
Season 3 - Episode 15: "Left Behind."

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

Well, not really.

Kate-centric episodes, to me, are like winning ten cents in the lottery. On one hand, it's better than nothing, but on the other hand, it sometimes makes you want to slit your wrists in the tub. Kate's story, as always, was wafer-thin, so the writers had to throw in a humorous side-plot with Saywer and Hurley, as well as a muddy catfight to snag the 18-24 male demographic. Did it work? I honestly don't care.

I would like to know, however, why Juliet's shoulder has been dislocated 4 different times. She either likes running into walls at full speed, or Ben just flat-out likes to beat women. Either way, I'm waiting patiently for that flashback episode. Maybe Ike Turner can make a cameo.

This island is one big salad, and I'm digging in!
("Dude, this island is just one big salad, and I'm diggin' in!")

Look, I stood up for Lost last week, with the whole Nikki and Paulo fiasco. And while this week had some important questions raised (most of which should be answered next week, hopefully), I was left feeling apathetic and used. Sort of like whenever Sanjaya survives another week of American Idol. Simon Cowell claims that he'll quit the show if Sanjaya wins, but I'll do him one better. If Sanjaya wins American Idol, I'll kill Simon Cowell.

Okay, let's put this turd under the microscope, with an ALL-NEW Lost Friday feature, The 10 Haiku Recap!

10 Haiku Recap.


Kate and Cassidy
Act like Thelma and Louise,
Minus good acting.

Cassidy helps Kate
Accost her dumbass Mother.
"Just selling bibles."

Cassidy's pregnant
With a darling Clementine.
Yes, a real orange.

Give me it, it's mine!
(Much like a 4-year old, Kate throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her sandwich.)


Sawyer's the leader
While Jack & Locke are away.
Beer and porn for all!

Hurley cons Sawyer
Into being a nice guy.
"Get in my belly!"

While hunting for boar,
Desmond has the coolest beard
In Lost history.

Things were going so well...
("Whoops, I think I just paralyzed myself again.")


Locke joins the Others.
Ripping off The Prisoner,
Kate and Jack get gassed.

Smoke Monster is pissed.
Kate and Juliet catfight.
Vat of Boar feces.

Jack, Kate & Sayid
Are going back to the beach
With Juliet, too!

Meanwhile, Locke is
Shoving wire hangers up
Anthony's rectum.

That came with a prize.
(Please, for your own good, don't eat the chili.)

No, I won't be doing that every week. I just don't feel like busting out an exhaustive recap for an episode that didn't reciprocate or deserve the attention.

I'll tell you, there are very few things more awesome than a good Haiku. Let's give it a try, though.

5 Awesome Things...

This week's topic is 5 AWESOME THINGS...That are better than a Haiku.

1 - John Madden Football '92 for the Sega Genesis.

2 - When a local news reporter gets attacked/gored by a gorilla/bull.

3 - Baptizing a newborn in the Stanley Cup.

I think I can peg him from here...
(Just for the hell of it, Desmond takes a shot at Charlie.)

4 - Dreaming that you pooped your pants, only to wake up and find that you actually just peed them, instead.

5 - A poem (about haikus).

Don't dispute my list. I've done at least 15 seconds of exhaustive research. Now, let's BREAK IT DOWN!

Break It Down!

4 - So, the Others have the Giant Face-Melting Microwave Fence up in order to protect themselves from Smokie. Good for them, I bet it's a real Godsend over the holidays.

Furthermore, what was Smokie doing when it was looming over Kate and Juliet? If I were to venture a guess, I'd say that it was 'profiling' or 'scanning' them. Perhaps for 'ticks' or 'mites.'

(Kate, after the mud bath in Jack's hut...)

8 - There was a HUGE continuity error towards the end of the episode concerning Kate. When she had her final conversation with Jack, she hadn't a speck of dirt on her face from the previous sloshing around in the mud with Juliet. However, when she came out of Jack's place, she was once again filthy with the stuff.

And after.
(Kate, after leaving Jack's hut. Whaaaa?)

Did they not think we'd catch that error? Lost fans? The most nitpicky and astute people in the world? A collective nerd hoard so vast that the very universe could implode get the point.

Lazy editing, is what I say.

Maybe Jack nailed her with a sack of Miracle-Gro or something before we saw her again. It's possible, I suppose.

Don't breathe ever again.
("Please stop telling me how Ben was in the bedroom.")

15 - Locke's had a big day. He blew up the submarine, Anthony Cooper has materialized on the island, he seemingly got his ass beat, and got brainwashed to boot. Not bad for a guy that had 15 seconds of screen time this week. In fact, Ben was the only main cast member to not be featured this week. It's been a long time since we've seen so many people in the same episode.

Rose? Bernard? You still out there?


16 - Kate's mom is an absolute idiot. Nothing further here.

23 - I wonder where Juliet learned those bad-ass fighting moves. Mittelos Bioscience? I think not.

A poor man's Thelma and Louise.
("The last two living people to sleep with Sawyer.)

42 - I like how every time Sawyer looked at Sun, she shot back a glare that said, "I can have you killed any time I want." Must be nice to have that kind of power at your fingertips. That must be how Dakota Fanning feels every day.

Cover your ears! Divert your vision! Here comes THE PREVIEW!

One Of Us.

4 - Episode 16 is titled "One Of Us." It is Juliet-centric. Expect pouty lips and vague, awkward sexiness abound.

8 - The official press release from ABC reads: "Jack's joyous reunion is cut short when his fellow survivors realize that an Other is accompanying him; a mysterious illness strickens Claire."

15 - Judging by the previews, this episode will pick up right where the last Juliet episode left off. We'll see her arrival to the island, and pretty much what she's been up to for the last 3 years. It will be very Other-centric and answer a lot of questions concerning their duties and mission.

(Much like chickens, Juliet can actually drown during a thunderstorm.)

16 - Ethan Rom, everyone's favorite creepball, will once again be around for this episode. Can't wait; I hope he's wearing that Wisconsin sweatshirt again.

23 - Something's going to happen with Charlie this week. He's not going to die, but he's going to wish he was.

42 - When Lost finally wraps up and ends their run on television, I sincerely hope that some nerd somewhere decides to edit all of the footage in chronological order. I think that would be absolutely amazing to see.

Just sayin' is all.

Crap, I thought it was over.
("Okay, I'm awake. Did this show get cancelled yet?")

Well, there you have it. A semi-awesome Lost Friday for a semi-awesome episode of Lost. As always, start the conversation in the comments section and send all erotic photography to You can always donate cash to the CDP via Paypal (the link is in the sidebar), or you can just buy some sweet swag at The CDP Webstore. Once you're done assisting me in warding off suicide for another day, head on over to The Coconut Internet and say hello.

Here are links to every Lost Friday so far this season. Enjoy your Easter, losers.

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review
Season 3 - Episode 6 Review
Season 3 - Episode 7 Review
Season 3 - Episode 8 Review
Season 3 - Episode 9 Review
Season 3 - Episode 10 Review
Season 3 - Episode 11 Review
Season 3 - Episode 12 Review
Season 3 - Episode 13 Review
Season 3 - Episode 14 Review

Gotta love the triumphant return of the Lost haiku!
Yup, things always seem funnier and deeper when written in haiku form.

Snow falls on cedars.
In the distance, a bird chirps.
I just pooped my pants.

Here's one for you:

Hungover? You bet.
Why did I take that last shot?
Jeebus, please kill me.

A few things:

1)I was hoping that Juliet would pop her shoulder back in socket a la Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.

2)At the end of the show, when Kate's face was full of mud-n-stuff, it looked like she completely lacked an upper lip. It made me hate that fucking thin-lipped hack her even more.
This is from a friend.
He blogs about Lost, as well.
Tell me what you think.

"First I liked this episode. I feel like Lost has managed to get a whole other stride going this season. It's 100% different from last season and definately the season before, but with patience it is really beginning to pay off.

What did we learn this week?

Wellllll, you know I love ol Smokey so I'll save that.

1) Others can manipulate weather (or at least know it's schedule). They made it rain to cover their tracks. Locke has been able to predict it before too so it's possible it's just a schedule.

2) So if we are to believe Juliet, we are to assume Juliet was stranded in her home, then decided to carry Kate out in the jungle a half mile, handcuff her and then build up some sort of trust? This doesn't make a whole lot of sense since all she really needed to do was shake her moneymaker at Jack and bat her eyelashes a few times. There was no way he would have let her be stranded behind. Perhaps she's trying to build loyalty/trust one at a week looks like Sayid. But still, it doesn't feel right. Others dropped her off in the forest, and awaited instructions.

3) Seems strange that Jack and Sayid slept a whole extra day after Juliet and Kate...were they gassed later? And if so, then Juliet is 100% planted with Kate and by arming the gates it was a signal to them to get the fuck out of dodge. She didn't succeed in breaking Kate and Kate was still on her way back. It doesn't make sense for her to allow Jack to be stuck there.

4) Kate and Sawyer have a pretty big link with his ex woman, and Sawyer is a daddy. Something makes me think he was aware of this in some old episode but I can't remember.

on to Smokey...

A) The big gates really were for Smokey. Makes a lot more sense now although since the magnetic field doesnt go UP (hence why Kate and company could climb over them), I'm not sure why Smokie can't go over them unless he truly is tethered to something and the pulse the gates emit would sever that.
B) Let's start with the day and work back to the night scene which may open up a whole other can of worms. We got to hear all 3 sounds... The little scuttering clicking of Smokey that we heard last week right before the Spiders were manifested, the monster growling and the sound of some sort of mechanical CHICK-CHUNKing like a metal tether of some sort with gears. When Kate and Juliet were at the gates- After the trees started moving etc, we hear the growl and then Something came OUT of the ground before Smokey appeared at the gates. We know from the maps All of the hatches are connected via underground (why the Losties haven't noticed the other corridors is probably the dumbest plot device of the show, but hopefully they'll have an explanation). Did Smokie/Monster come up from the ground?
C) Juliet says she is aware of Smokey but the others don't know anything about him except he doesn't like our gates. Obviously bullshit. Smokey is either part of the them or part of the hostiles. Unfortunately we probably won't see the answer to which one for a while, and the Others will remain the damn antagonists for the foreseeable future. Either way the gates are definately for Smokey so while they may have SOME control of him, it's not complete.
D) Now to the night. Only a couple of characters have gotten to see the "Monster" up close. Smokey may have been along for the stroll, but what Kate and Juliet saw was the Monster. The MOnster flashed something in their faces. Did Smokey leave them alone at night when he saw Juliet because he didn't know her, so he scanned her only to come back later when he realized she is bad and needs to die. Did Kate and Juliet just get a subliminal objective, much like Locke getting visions of Boone's death after meeting the Monster and the Pearl Hatch and Desmond getting visions of Charlies death and possibly something else after getting blown out of the hatch? Is Smokey just part of the Others con, and never really planned on hurting either of these two...just part of bringing them together. Or is it all about the memories...Did they wipe sensitive info from Juliet? This lends credence to the memory implant or memory manipulation theory, and even makes me really start to think we're going that route even more. I bounce back and forth on it because of how much of a hard sell it would be to people, but holy shit I'd love it.

It still makes sense to me that there are only 100-150 characters in all of the Dharma database and someone somewhere is just shuffling them in and out of the Losties memories...studying human nature. So much could be done once this was revealed to salvage some of it's audience hehe."

He has some pretty "deep" theories that seem a bit far-fetched for me, but if you're interesting, I'll pull them from his blog...
Take a nap, JT.
And maybe a bubble bath
In a non-gay way.

IMS - I was hoping for the Lethal Weapon shoulder pop as well.
Wow Moe, that's a lot of information right there. I've always operated under the assumption that there is a "Good" and "Bad" Smokie, in conjunction with the two different manifestations Locke saw at two different times. The first one was "Beautiful," the second one tried to suck him into the underground.

Speaking of Underground, we'll be going there very soon. There's an entire Underground network to this island (where the Others are now). Maybe we'll see some of it for the Juliet episode next week.
No bubble-bathing
Shall take place at my office
For today, I work.

No nap until lunch
When I shall go home to bed
And take some Aleve.

You know? I've heard that
Aleve seems to work better
When mixed with Whiskey.

What could be better
Than Aleve mixed with whiskey?
Add some PBR.

Wow, that dude has a lot of theories.
Just a suggestion...for your Lost Friday banner on the righthand side of the screen, you should make the click-through link to the most recent Lost post rather than just a general link to your page. That way whenever someone clicks on it (whether it's Lost Friday or not that day), it will go to the most recent Lost Friday.
Good call, I'll have it fixed in 10 minutes.

The CDP logo takes you to the "Welcome!" post, the Webstore logo takes you to the Webstore, so why shouldn't the Lost Friday logo take you to a Lost Friday?

Just makes sense, is all.
Is all the new stuff looking good, though?
All the new stuff looks great! Very flashy :)

So who is going to be joining us in the video chat????? I'm looking at you JT...
I'm going to be HEAVILY marketing this chat all next week. I expect as many CDP Alumni as possible to make it out. I'll be leaving comments on everyone's blog; much like a political candidate who's stumping for votes.

If you have any questions or comments relating to the upcoming Live Video Chat, however, it would be cool if you left them in its Official Thread (just click on the banner).

RSVP now and make me happy.
Are you able to update the linkadoo on the Hugo cup? It points to last week's recap. Would hate for it to look like you're a sporatic poster.
If I were to change the Hugo Cup link, my votes would be erased.

No worries, though. Voting ends today, and the judges get two weeks to look over all of the entry pages. They'll figure it out, I'm sure.

We'll find out if I'm a finalist sometime near the end of the month.
Oh, I see. I hope they figure it out. If they don't, they're tards.
Hathery, as much as I would love to join in on the vdeo chat, there are 2 primary problems.

1. I have no web cam.
2. The internet isn't up at my new house yet, and won't be until sometime next week.

Luckily, my roommate is a teacher who is out on Spring Break next week, so he gets to wait at home for the cable guy.
Didn't read the part about not needing a cam. As long as I'm not working and my internet is up, I'm there.
Woohoo!!!!! It's a date.
Yup, NO CAM REQUIRED. It's a text chat that revolves around a live audio/video feed from CDP Headquarters.
How do I look forward to Lost Fridays? Let me count the ways. I stare out the window at work to the DC Comics headquarters across the street and count the seconds until Lost Fridays. And haiku to boot! Here's a fave of mine, with lots of yelling:

Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird! it's a plane! No!
It's Jesus Christ! Run!

I wrote that years ago for the now defunct Topless Review, which is currently morphing into Disappearing Moment (, in case you're interested).

Anyway, Lost. I liked it this week. My biggest beef--and this goes for the whole season so far--is that no one ever asks questions of the Others. Remember when Jack was taken out of his cage and brought to the Sheriff, and he sat there and actually answered her questions? here's how the scene should have happened:

Sheriff: Do Juliet ask you to kill Ben?

Jack: What the fuck is up with the island?

And this week, here's how the scene where Kate wakes up hancuffed to Juliet should have gone:

Juliet: Where am I?

Kate: What the fuck is up with this island?

You get the point. I hope that next week Sayid gives Juliet a bamboo pedicure and gets some answers out of her.

Am I the only one who assumed the monster and the smoke tube were the same thing, or at least connected? I assumed the two worked in tandem: big noise, then smoke. Not that I think there's a monster mind you. Whatever pulled Locke into that trap door a while ago was definitely mechanical, not dinosaurical.
Thanks for the kind words, Lott. Here's hoping you can make it to our LIVE CHAT next week. The same goes for EVERYONE READING THIS.

Yeah, we've gone 3 seasons now without one of the castaways demanding some answers (or at least asking the right questions). When they tortured Ben, he just lied and manipulated them until the Hatch exploded.

I'm really, really hoping that Juliet will spill as much as she knows next week, but she probably doesn't even know that much.

Nice Haiku, by the way.
I agree...everyone just seems to go with the flow of being captured. I guess after all the strange junk that has happened in all their lives, nothing surprises them anymore?? If that were me, I would demand some answers: pronto.
I would rather watch a heroine fueled sob fest about Charlie than any of the Kate-centric back stories.

The front story wasn't that bad. I particularly enjoyed the hand cuffed fight in the rain. That was a long time coming and worth the wait. I'm all a'twitter for next week's ep. I've always enjoyed the mythology the most.

Juliet's repeated arm dislocations could be just another reminder that the Others are chosen and the chosen must go through some pretty intense training. That would explain why they all interact with each other so intensely. I always feel like their conversations could erupt into Jet Li melees at any point. I had always wondered how such obviously intelligent people could escalate to such violence so quickly.

April 19, 9PM.

Peak Overpressure w/ Razorfist and Mr. Slate.

@ The Bar in Appleton.

Mayhem shall ensue.
Oops... meant to post that under this account. Either way, be there.
BLUSTACON - Yeah, for as advanced as the Others claim to be, it turns into the Jerry Springer show at the drop of a hat over there.

RJ - Dude, that's a Thursday!

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