Friday, April 13

Lost Friday - "One Of Us."

Lost Friday - One Of Us.
Season 3 - Episode 16: "One Of Us."

Yet another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

For starters (or N00BZ, if you will), this marks the first half of today's CDP Double Feature, which will culminate in the first-ever CDP Live Video Chat, taking place TONIGHT at 9pm Central time. Please, I'm begging you to come back to the CDP at 9pm Central time tonight and join the chat. I'll be here, readers from around the nation will be here, and it just wouldn't be the same without you. I bought a cake; you can watch me eat it from your house. Isn't that cool?

Everyone knows that funny writers are just as funny, if not funnier, in a real-life setting, right? Everyone knows that they're really not as reclusive and riddled with Social Anxiety as they appear, right? Everyone knows that writers are the life of any party, right?


Seriously though, be here tonight at 9pm Central time, or I will shoot myself in the facehole with a gun.

Kurt Vonnegut - Hero.

Moving on, today's Lost Friday is dedicated to Kurt Vonnegut, who passed away on Wednesday evening. Apart from being the greatest American writer in modern history, he will forever be responsible for giving me the mantra that has guided me through my professional life. If I may:

"The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybody. Thank you for using me, even though I didn't want to be used by anybody."

And who can forget this hilarious and fitting gem?:

"I am, incidentally, Honorary President of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that totally functionless capacity. We had a memorial service for Isaac a few years back, and I spoke and said at one point, "Isaac is up in heaven now." It was the funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, "Kurt is up in heaven now." That's my favorite joke."

Thanks for everything, Kurt; the world has lost an absolute treasure. For the last few years, I was actually starting to become convinced that he would never die; never allow it to happen to himself. I hope that everything was beautiful and that nothing hurt. I shed a tear for you; so it goes.

We were treated this Wednesday to one of the most frustrating and altogether psychologically damaging episodes ever, which is saying a whole lot concerning Lost. We thought we were going to get answers; we didn't. We thought we were going to get some plot development; we didn't. We thought we trusted Juliet; we were wrong. There was no torture, no Locke, and a disappointing whopper of a last-second swerve.

Heading into the 6-episode Season Finale stretch, we got absolutely suckerpunched in the knob with "One Of Us." We liked it, though, and begged for another just like it, as we licked our own blood off of our collective chins.

Please, my Dark Mistress, delight me with the eternal pleasure and pain that is The 10 Haiku Recap. The code word is 'mittens,' but don't plan on me using it.

10 Haiku Recap.


Claire is very sick.
It might have something to do
With all the screaming.

I guess that women
Can't give birth on the island.
That's my kind of place.

Juliet cures Claire
After 30 full seconds
Of pointless tension.

Jack trusts Juliet.
But let it also be known
That he's a dumbass.

Locke's with the Others,
Making Anthony Cooper
His Island Mistress.


Juliet joins the
Worst group of doctors ever.
Drink the orange juice!

Ben is becoming
A big, fat whiny baby.
Someone should deck him.

In a sexy scene,
Juliet is with Goodwin.
Goodwin is Teh HAWT.

Mikhail has contact
With most of the outside world.
Well....not anymore.

Juliet and Ben
Made a deal with each other.

I'd do a full-on recap, but I have a lot of Live Chat stuff to work on. Besides, Haikus are awesome. Hey, speaking of awesome...

5 Awesome Things...

5 AWESOME THINGS...About Living On A Completely Remote Island.

1 - Casual Fridays.

2 - At any given time, there's a good chance you might see someone get hit with a coconut.

3 - No mention of Paris Hilton.

Oh wait... she's here. And she's still a vapid whore. Damn.

4 - Plenty of delicious sand to go around.

5 - Free parking.

I'd kill for free parking where I live. In fact, I have killed a time or two. But hey, this isn't Vehicular Manslaughter Friday, is it? Let's Break It Down!

Break It Down!

4 - So, Juliet was evil all along. Shocking, I tells you, shocking! First, CM Punk turns bad on ECW, and now this? I have no idea who to trust any more. I'm going to bed.

It would appear as if Ben made yet another deal with Juliet in exchange for her participation in some wrong-doings. After all the crap he's done to her over the past three years, this must be one hell of a deal. Maybe they got Monty Hall to materialize on the island or something. Maybe Juliet got brainwashed. Maybe the writers didn't think they'd last this long on ABC. Beats me.

8 - The Others can't have nice things, because the castaways keep blowing everything up! Swan Hatch? Exploded. Mikhail's communication center? Vaporized. The submarine? Delorted with extreme prejudice.

Listen castaways, if you ever want to get off of the island, you're going to have to stop blowing up all the things that could help you. Maybe this show is like Gilligan's Island after all...

15 - So... the Others implanted Claire with a device that would trigger a sickness as soon as Juliet showed up, causing her to save the day and win the trust of the castaways, when all along it was just a ploy from the Others to have her infiltrate the beach and fulfill their evil task of Island domination.

Let me know how the rest of the season goes, guys. I don't think I want to watch this crap any more. The cool part about Lost was how all the important questions had logical and interesting answers to them. The foresight that the Others are demonstrating is downright unbelievable, and insulting to my borderline-alcoholic intelligence.

16 - On the bright side, it finally happened for me. And when I say 'it,' I'm referring to the switch that flipped on in my brain, causing me to find Juliet devastatingly attractive. I think it's the hair/eye combo in the flashbacks that did it for me. She's a genuinely good-looking woman, and going totally bat-crap insane just makes me want her more.

I'm officially on the J-Train.

23 - Was Juliet cheating on Ben with Goodwin? Just a thought. I know that Ben and Juliet have 'history,' but maybe this was one of the things that caused their big falling 'oot. Maybe not, however, because I'm still of the opinion that Ben is more queer* than Clay Aiken at a Barbara Streisand Drag Show.

(*Proud Liberal and supporter of equal rights. Save the e-mails.)

42 - Man... I can't believe they blew up the communications center. I knew that there was going to be a point in time when we stopped looking at the Castaways as the 'Good Guys,' especially considering their sordid pasts. But geez, these people are really starting to piss me off. When Sawyer and Sayid are your voices of concern and intelligence, you know that something really got wonky at one point.

It's also strange to know that if I were on the island with these people, I'd probably have the least-sordid past. My flashback episode would consist of playing a lot of Scrabble and yelling at TV sets for 25 years.

Cover your eyes! Divert your vision! Spoiler-phobic nerds should leave the room! It's time for The Preview!

Episode 17 - Catch-22.

4 - Episode 17 will be titled "Catch-22." It is Desmond-centric. Expect amazing clairvoyance and an even more amazing beard to run rampant around the island.

8 - The official press release from ABC reads: "Desmond coaxes Charlie, Hurley and Jin on a trek across the jungle after experiencing one of his future-prophesizing "flashes," but is he purposely placing Charlie’s life in harm’s way? Meanwhile, Kate turns to an unwitting Sawyer after seeing Jack alone with Juliet."

Kate + Sawyer = More secks? Only time (and slumping ratings) will tell.

15 - Damon Lindelof sez: "I think the Desmond-Penny love story is really central to the whole overall mythology of the show. Desmond sort of leveled Charlie with this very sort of specific proclamation at the end of the episode, that Charlie is going to die. And coming down all the way through the end of season three, that becomes a very major storyline that we're following, which is, Desmond keeps seeing Charlie die and can he stop it? Is he powerless to stop it?"

So yeah, expect to see more developments in the Penny-Desmond angle. Do NOT expect to see any developments in, you know, anything else that matters. My theory is that Juliet was sent over to kill Charlie in retaliation for killing Ethan. I've been wrong before, though.

16 - The writer of this episode sez: "We will explore what's going on with Penny and Desmond. You know what we started in the finale of season two? We'll continue to explore that. Plus, there's another big revelation on that front coming up pretty soon."

Thanks, Captain Obvious. No wonder these episodes are always so vague. They're written by people who have no idea how to craft a teaser when they need one. Maybe some WWE writers should jump ship to the Lost crew. At the very least, we'd get to see someone get hit with a steel chair every now and again.

23 - there's a big underground network on the island. It's where all of the Others went, and it's where we'll be headed next week. That is all.

42 - Did you know that the CDP Live Video Chat is tonight at 9pm Central Time?

Well, there you have it, another Lost Friday in the books. Don't stray too far, however, because the 1st ever CDP Live Video Chat will be starting at 9pm Central Time TONIGHT. Get your fat-free popcorn and cans of Diet Rite ready, because you're really going to want to spend your Friday evening with me.

And ladies, which one of you hasn't already wished that you could? Am I right? Buh? Zuh?

As always, start the discussion in the comments section, and send all hate mail and erotic photography to If you're going to be one of the cool ones chatting with me this evening, we can talk more about Lost then. Sometime this weekend, make sure to drop into The Coconut Internet and say hello. They'll treat you real nice-like.

Here are links to every Lost Friday so far this season. Cherish them like a new Lance Bass album. See you tonight!

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 - Episode 1 Review
Season 3 - Episode 2 Review
Season 3 - Episode 3 Review
Season 3 - Episode 4 Review
Season 3 - Episode 5 Review
Season 3 - Episode 6 Review
Season 3 - Episode 7 Review
Season 3 - Episode 8 Review
Season 3 - Episode 9 Review
Season 3 - Episode 10 Review
Season 3 - Episode 11 Review
Season 3 - Episode 12 Review
Season 3 - Episode 13 Review
Season 3 - Episode 14 Review
Season 3 - Episode 15 Review


NBC is the new FOX when it comes to amazing comedies. The Office, 30 Rock, Earl and Andy Barker PI are about as good as anything we can ask for. 30 Rock is dangerously approaching Arrested Development territory, and that's something I don't say lightly. I know you probably aren't watching it, but it's grown leaps and bounds since the Pilot episode.

Besides, Tina Fey is about as lovable of a leading woman as you could possibly ask for.
Juliet's nose is crooked...I cannot find her attractive for that reason alone.
You have some serious nose issues. I think you say that about everyone. So your nose is a little crooked; so what? Does that makes someone ugly?

My nose has been broken at least once, maybe twice. It's a little crooked, but who cares? I look like a dude who's has his nose broken; chicks dig that.

Okay, let's put it this way. Crooked noses are way better than crooked teeth. And this is coming from someone with both.
The way they ended this episode is a huge cop-out. It's like they had a meeting where they said "Ok, now we've got everybody believing Juliet isn't a she-devil/succubuswhore/skankskeeze(I've got some issues, ok?), how do we blow their freakin' minds? Oh, I've got it! We just make some shit up and tack it on at the end of the episode! Brilliant!"

Terrible, so terrible.

But, at least we got to see Juliet's sexy back. It's probably the only part of her body that isn't condescending.
The foresight that the Others are demonstrating is downright unbelievable, and insulting to my borderline-alcoholic intelligence.

I don't know how it's done in WI, but around here we install remote controlled sickness devices in ALL our captives. You never know, you just never know.

I enjoyed how Sayid asked all the questions we have been asking for the last 2 years and got zero nil zippo nada for answers. Oh the exquisite torture of this episode. I've been listening to the click-click of the roller coaster climbing the track for too long. I'm ready for the pee-a-little-in-your-pants thrill ride now. please don't leave me wanting.
BLUSTACON - Yeah, I thought for sure that Sayid was going to get the job done, but then nothing ever came of it. It's no longer 'cute' or 'suspenseful,' it's just 'bloody annoying.'

Let's just hope that the last 5-6 episodes of the season kick serious ass, or ABC might have a Season 4 flop on their hands. Lost no longer has the ratings immunity to just do whatever they want. They need the fans back, and the fans want answers.

IMS - I agree, I feel like the ending was almost tacked-on. It was not clever, just annoying and feeble.

Juliet is, however, bringing SexyBack.

I'm sorry, but when you have an exceedingly adorable nose like just can't accept anything less than perfection.
I missed the first 30 minutes of this episode (and apparently, from everything I'm hearing, I didn't miss anything terribly important), but I watched the last few minutes with the meeting between Ben and Juliet thinking "We already knew this was a double cross...WTF is the point of this?".

One question, though. When Ben was showing Juliet the video of her sister, he tells Richard to go ahead and come back because they "may have some visitors". I thought Juliet's sister was in Miami? Geographically speaking, where would the island(s) be in relation to South Florida? Or in relation to anything, really...

My brain hurts. Maybe I shouldn't try to apply logic and just accept what the writers and producers throw at us for the rest of the season.
MAUS- Yeah, Juliet basically spent the first 30 minutes winning the trust of the castaways by saving Claire, only to have it all be an evil, crooked-nosed ruse. Hooray!

If my geography is correct, Miami couldn't be further away from the South Pacific if it were on the freaking moon. Must have been one hell of a submarine ride.

The CDP - Geography Bee Finalist: 6th, 7th and 8th Grade.
I thought you couldn't stay in a submarine very long before you have to resurface? Maybe they flew here somewhere in the South Pacific first and then took a submarine to the island...yeah, that's it.
T-Minus 10 hours and counting for the live chat.

By the way, I may be slightly intoxicated by then, since it's 10 PM my time.
HATHERY- Lost has finally put themselves into such an unbelievable position, that it's actually becoming possible that this all has something to do with a Space/Time warp.

Yeah. It's the only way it will continue to make sense. Can you believe what we've come to?

JT- Hell, I might be intoxicated, myself. I'm a little worried that one of two things might happen:

1. Nobody shows up.

2. A ton of cyber-hecklers show up and run me right off the air.

Either way, I'll be drinking New Glarus Spotted Cow ale to ease the pain.

Oh, and playing a lot of James Brown.
I thought the island has already been established as something out of the ordinary. I mean, you can only leave it from a certain heading and all. Which just made me think that maybe Michael and WAAAALT! Got off the island (Ben IS a man of his word) and just got recaptured when they reached the smaller island off shore. I like to think Michael is enjoying the same double feature matinee Karl was rudely interrupted from.
Yeah, eventually they're going to have to tell us exactly where the island is and why it's so damn hard to find, but I strongly hope it doesn't have anything to do with quantum physics and quackery.

We're going to get a 70's Dharma-centric flashback sometime this season (remember 'Roger WorkMan?'); maybe we'll get some answers there.
Here's one thing that I don't understand(yes, just this one); they had to drug Juliet to put her in a submarine? Didn't Creepy McEyebrow or Creepy Jr. say something about the last part being "pretty intense"?

Are they trying to navigate the sub through a minefield? What gives?

Can I possibly put one more question mark in here?

Guess so.
I suppose getting a submarine to explode off of the Earth and into another dimension would be pretty bumpy.

Man...Ethan is creepy. More so than most normal creeps.

There's a whole underground aspect to the island as well. The Others are actually Mole People.
I bet they're actually that fabled race of humans that lives in the core of the earth.
You know, bringing the whole Hollow Earth theory into play may actually make more sense than the current situation.
I just checked my own blog for the first time in a month and realized that I have a Vonnegut quote as my header right now. Allow me to share:

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead. -Kurt Vonnegut

I was going to put up a post in honor of Kurt, but I realized that nothing I put up would ever be good enough to express exactly what the world has lost.
I demand that they start bringing the Hollow Earth theory into play. It'll really tie it all together, you know what I mean?

I would die to give Kurt another 10 years on Earth, because he would do more with those 10 years than I will probably do in my entire lifetime.
Well, I don't know if I'd DIE at this stage...his recent writings have been very similar to mine: just rants about the government. When the situation is so dire that even Kurt Vonnegut can focus on nothing else, we know that we're in a bad way.
I've started illegally downloading episodes of 30 Rock so I can catch up.

Shun off.

Favorite The Office moments:

- When he tossed that watermelon off the roof, and it hit that car... Then he found out it was Stanley's car and immediately rattled off the name of a lawyer who specializes in hate crimes... I about lost it. Then that look on Stanley's face at the very end of the episode.

- Kelly's explanation of how Netflix works.

- Michael: What's the most dangerous thing to us here in the office?
Dwight: Wolves.

Shun on.
Dammit CDP! You made me cry again. My husband thinks I'm crazy for being in a severe depression since the news of Kurt's death. While trying to watch something with my laptop, he was fumbling around because the lead story on my desktop news feed was his death. Poor thing couldn't get it working fast enough to keep me from breaking down into heartwrenching sobs.

But great recap, as usual! Hopefully I'll see you tonight!
Oops! Wrong account for some reason. But that was me, Halochick!
CDP, there may be 4 of us behind the keyboard tonight - me, the girlfriend, the roommate, and the roommate's girfriend. We will all have been drinking.
By a very strange twist o'fate, I have magically, delciously been given "off" from the job that I have worked nearly every Friday night at since before Thanksgiving.

Kenny's plans after her day job in order:

1)Watch The House of Yes (again)
2)Get dressed up or at least wear clean clothes.
3)Go to the Amateur Drag Queen Show (no cover!)
4a) go to the King Club again this week (boring and mandatory)
4b) Drink Jim Beam Black straight out of the apple juice bottle that I put it in last night and get loaded with people on the internet

Hmm. Time will only tell.
I'm replying to everyone; here we go...

HATHERY- If there was one man that hated George W. Bush more than me, it's Kurt Vonnegut. Boy, was he disgusted by that man.

PASTE- Shun off.

30 Rock is worth your time. For every joke that makes you groan, there's about 10 that really impress you. Alec Baldwin was born to do comedy. He was gold last night.

The whole 'watermelon' bit on The Office gave me a laugh-induced headache. I like how the stinger at the very end was like, a second-and-a-half long.

Shun on.

HALOCHICK- Thanks for the kind words, I hope to talk to you tonight, too!

When Fred Rogers died, it was one of the more emotional 'celebrity' deaths for me. Same deal for Vonnegut. I can't claim to be nearly the fan/expert as the Missus, but just the fact that she held him in such high regard is amazing enough for me.

JT- I can't freaking wait. It's a shame you don't have a cam.

KENNY- It just wouldn't be the same without you in the Live Chat. While both options sound intriguing and downright mandatory, I'd choose the CDP, simply because you can participate whilst pantsless.

Well, I suppose you could attend the Drag Show pantsless as well. It's a coin flip, really, but it would be super-rad if you showed up. It'll be like a nation-wide Pub Crawl.
I do wish that I had a cam, or, at the very least, there were voice capabilities, a la Skype.
CDP, did you post that comment about dying to give Kurt 10 more years on Fark? Someone posted that exact comment over there and I was in complete agreement with them.
Wow. This Vonnegut seems to have been a popular fellow. Was he in the sports?
I believe he played the foosball.
JT- If you opened a Stickam account, you could do the audio thing. You just wouldn't have video. Look into it if you get the chance; it's pretty painless.

HALOCHICK- Nope, I didn't write that comment on Fark, but I completely ripped it off without mentioning my source. My bad; I should have mentioned that.

BLUSTACON- Oh yeah, he was a Hoosier through and through.

He also scored 57 points during a pickup game of basketball in 2001, at the age of 78.
JT- To clarify what I said earlier, with a Stickam account, you could send YOUR audio over the internet, while still seeing and hearing MY live chat.

I don't know if I worded that correctly before, so there you go.

T-Minus 6 hours and counting...
CDP--if you're going to steal, at least steal from sources less known than Fark.

Carlos CDP-a, we're going to call you.
I didn't think of it as stealing, I just thought it was a nice, respectful quote I wanted to echo.

But yeah though, I didn't think of it.

While we're confessing, I might as well tell everyone that I've been writing fictional essays for the last year and a half. I've been bedridden since then, as I have become too morbidly overbese to walk. I've been buying these essays off of my neighbor for $10 each.

You were eventually going to figure this out tonight, so I just wanted to clear the air beforehand.
Stickcam account?


Drunken audio capabilities?

I figured you were making all of this up...

Only 5 hours until we get this party started!
It is with much regret that I will not be attending the CDParty. My excuses are petty and worthless, so I'll spare you the details. I look forward to future CDParties and hope to show up fashionably late to all of them...because that's how I roll.

Kurt was in the same pick-up game that featured Stuart Scott and Michael Jordan. He's the one that gave Stuart the crooked eye. And for that, I am thankful. You won't be forgotten, Mr Vonnegut.
I'm going to miss KV. I reread Cat's Cradle, Mother Night, Galapagos, and Sirens of Titan every year. Damn, I'm getting misty here. I adore everything about the crusty old man. I even picked up a paperback reissue of Player Piano retitled Utopia-14 with an awful science fiction cover; a children's book he wrote called Sun, Moon, Star; a magazine with an Absolute Vonnegut ad; and his son Mark's excellent Eden Express.


At the risk of being maudlin, perhaps a moment of silence for KV at the CDP shindig tonight?
JT- That's what I'm talking about! It's going to be an audio-orgy up in there!

MOE- Maybe next time, dude.

Yeah, Kurt laid Stuart with an errant elbow. Little known fact: Kurt was the original host of Stump The Schwab.

LOTT- A moment of silence will be had at some point, you can bet on it. Please join us if you get the chance!

On an unrelated note, I've never seen so many comments show up so quickly for a post. It normally takes all weekend to get the count up to 40. This is a good sign.

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