Monday, May 28

Don't Cry For Me, I'm Already Dead.

I'm off writing my first book. Try to cope without me.

You'll be happy to know that I'm currently in pre-production of the very first CDP book.

I'll be working on it until further notice. There are almost 600 posts in the archives to tide you over in the meantime. I'll try to keep you updated as much as possible, however.

Sound off in the comments section or send e-mails to

Thank you so much for your support. This has been many years in the making.


(EDIT 05/29 - Here's a link to the Top 30 CDP Posts Of All Time, to whet your appetite while I'm incommunicado. The countdown starts after the Lost Season 3 Preview.)

(EDIT 05/29 - My Mom canceled BBQ plans and Chuck Lidell got knocked out at UFC 71, so I spent the rest of Memorial Day weekend drinking heavily and spending hundreds of dollars on clothes and entertainment. It did the trick. Pre-production on the book is coming along nicely.)

(EDIT 05/30 - I'll be in the Live Video Chat room at 9pm Central time (10 Eastern) to talk about the book, along with anything else that's on my mind. Please stop in and say hello by clicking on the Live Video Chat link on the right.)

(EDIT 05/30 - Thanks to the handful of folks that came out for the Live Video Chat; I always appreciate getting to talk with you. As this whole book thing goes further, I want to maybe get together like that once every week or so. JT? Kenny? I'm wagging my finger, yo!)

(EDIT 05/31 - Pre-production continues. I've managed to take over 1600 pages(!) of CDP material and sift it down to about 500 over the course of this week. I also want to mention that prior CDP essays will probably account for no more than 50-60% of the finished book. I'm in the process of writing about a dozen book-only essays to grace the pages; essays that I've been kicking around and saving for years and consider to be my best work. I'm hoping that by the end of next week, I'll cut those 500 pages in half again and really get down to fine tuning. It's been productive; I'm taking the weekend off.)

(EDIT 06/01 - Thanks to over-consumption of Wii Sports, Mario Party 8 and WarioWare, my left rotator cuff is pretty jacked up today. I'm not used to playing a video game that I need to stretch out for in advance, so there's a good chance I'll be reeking of Icy Hot all weekend. If anyone asks, I'll tell them that I hurt myself punching out Trick Daddy at a nightclub.)

(EDIT 06/04 - I'm getting a lot of work done.)

(EDIT 06/04 - Over the course of 3 revisions, I've gone from 1580 pages of material, to 416 pages, to 343 pages. One more good revision and I'll begin the meat of the production process; editing, polishing, re-writing and formatting all of the best 'classic' CDP material. Depending on how vast the final revisions become, I'll see how many 'new' essays I plan on putting into this first book. I want this to be a really good 300 pages of material, so it's becoming apparent that I won't have much room for new stuff this time around; I'll save that for Book #2. The goal is to create a book of CDP essays that stands completely alone from the site itself. The day-to-day quoting, in-jokes and hundreds of throwaway posts are being mercilessly scrapped in favor of the sprawling and timeless essays that tend to pop up every month or so. I need to make this book enjoyable for the 5,999,999,800 people on the planet that are unaware that I even keep a blog. The edits continue. Dream about me, won't you?)

The New Joker.

(EDIT 06/05 - Heath Ledger is the new Joker in the next Batman movie, and boy does he look terrifying. Seriously, if you still don't recognize Christopher Nolan as one of the best filmmakers in the world by now, you've got to do something about that. With films like Following, Memento, Insomnia, Batman Begins and an upcoming film re-make of The Freaking Prisoner, man... I just don't know why other directors bother to exist. I'm re-watching Batman Begins this week, and you might want to do the same. Edits rage on, hearts continue to be broken.)

(EDIT 06/06 - Enjoy one of the funniest prank calls ever. I am in my final stage of pre-production, which only means more headaches and revisions heading into the next phase. Things are going quicker now, so it can't be all bad. I haven't worked out in weeks, and I ate at Burger King last night. What will be left of me when this is all over?)

(EDIT 06/06 - Here are my 20 favorite TV shows for the 06-07 Season:)

20. Cops (FOX) - I have a thing for shirtless people.
19. Friday Night Smackdown! (WB) - I have a thing for shirtless people.
18. King Of The Hill (FOX) - Still funny after 12 years. Kind of.
17. Heroes (NBC) - Like Lost, only for dumb people.
16. Rob & Big (MTV) - The only reason to ever watch MTV.

15. The Ultimate Fighter (SPIKE) - I have a thing for shirtless people.
14. Dirty Jobs (DISC) - Watch and appreciate your job a little more.
13. Mythbusters (DISC) - Watch and appreciate your job a little less.
12. Ghost Hunters (SCI) - Watch and appreciate pooping your pants.
11. Saturday Night Live (NBC) - Always the best thing on at midnight.

10. House M.D. (FOX) - Hugh Laurie pwnz all you n00bz.
9. American Idol (FOX) - Melinda Doolittle pwnz me.
8. Monday Night Raw! (USA) - I have a thing for shirtless people.
7. My Name Is Earl (NBC) - It gets darker and dirtier each week.
6. The Simpsons (FOX) - Season 19? Respek, y'all!

5. 30 Rock (NBC) - Tina Fey is my secret Girlfriend Wife.
4. Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC) - RIP, overwritten dramedy.
3. The Office (NBC) - The funniest show on television. Ever.

2. Friday Night Lights (NBC) - Without question, this is the best TV drama I've seen since the premiere of Lost. The acting, production, storylines and mood are second-to-none and really need to be seen to be believed. Regardless of how you feel about the feature film or football in general, the characters, believability and human emotion on this show is seriously incredible. Already heavily nominated and universally adored by critics, the first season of Friday Night Lights is an absolute gift from the TV Gods. Even the Missus loves it!

1. Lost (ABC) - I've heard good things. I'll check it out at some point.

(EDIT 06/07 - The trailer for Sicko.)

Rough Draft #1.
(EDIT 06/08 - This is Rough Draft #1. A lean 260 pages of CDP goodness. I took today off, and I'll start digging into it come Monday. Don't forget to watch Brian Regan's new Comedy Central special tonight, yo.)