Thursday, February 28

CDP Pop Crunch Lost Review #2.

Before you sit down with tonight's new episode of Lost, take a moment to reflect on the week that was, with another CDP-flavored edition of the Pop Crunch Show. Longtime CDP fans will certainly be happy with some of the jokes I managed to slip in there this week.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

(I know that Kevin Palmer was listed as Head Writer. It's okay.)

Weiner...beh heh heh!
It sounded a little rushed at times, but I managed to get no less than three weiner jokes and a butthole joke on board. This is a pretty good day for me.
Beh heh heh.Make that girl be your puppet!!
The outtakes aren't that bad, either.
The girl is funnier and more natural when she's not reading from a script.

The wiener shooting into the cold night air was my favorite line, by far.
Indeed. SLOW DOWN, Sarah!
Girl = Lame
Script = Safe
Report card = Also safe.
Sarah seems to be the biggest critique of the show. Makes sense, as she's the only factor between Pop Crunch and Lost Monday. While I agree that there's a little to be desired concerning timing and whatnot, she's probably doing a better job than I would.

I won't lie. When I watched this, I cringed a time or two when a joke fell flat due to something other than myself. But then again, there were some jokes that weren't all that great that were made good by ad-libbing and whatnot.

It ain't perfect by a long shot, but I enjoy writing the show and think it'll only get funnier and sharper.

What is this 'safe' you speak of?
From Urban Dictionary:


If somebody is a friend or in good terms with you.

dude he is safe leave him alone

See: Great, Awesome, Nice.
Another British slang lesson from our friend across the pond!
Very funny, although the effect was dampened due to the timeing.
I still stand by my earlier statement: "more pretty girls more often". was edited well.
Not sold on the girl, the writing is good but her timing is off.
CARROT - Good show, old chap! Thanks for the dandy of a pennywhistle! Melon-baller Oyster Carnival!

CAVEMAN/WILL - I agree completely. I'm trying to write for her character as much as possible, but I can't do anything about the timing. You gotta be born with it!

Let's get Nina to do it.
"she let the tip show..."

Thank you CDP

It was all for you, Blu. The entire first minute was a build-up to a 'tip' joke.
It seriously was. He sat on the couch all Saturday pondering how to work a "tip" joke in "with class." Seriously.
I liked it MUCH better this week for some reason, as Sarah irritated me MUCH less.

And because I'm a girl, I'm also going to say that I liked her hair.

Alright...I'll give her a chance...
That's our CDP...
He sure puts the ass in class.
Hathery is right. I scribbled on a notebook for 30 minutes working on that opening 'Kate roast.' I needed it to be vaudevillian, petty and accented by a 'tip' joke. I feel I have succeeded, and worked in a very classy manner to create such low class drivel.

JENNIFER - Yup, this week was better. If I get another week, it will be better still. All I can do is make the words as smooth as possible; the rest is up to people I've never met.

CAVEMAN - And the poop in oppoopratunity.
CDP - Well that's darn tootin' with me partner! Sounds totally friggin' radical!

See you later homies. I'm off to fo-shizzle ma' nizzle.*

Carrot Duff just successfully satirized 100 years of American slang in four sentences.

I'm in awe.
darn tootin'?
Yeah, I don't really know where that came from. Just suited the mood.
CDP - Well that's darn tootin' with me partner! Sounds totally friggin' radical!

See you later homies. I'm off to fo-shizzle ma' nizzle.*

I'm playing Pac-Man in the Live Video Chat room, if anyone's interested.

(Currently 5:45pm Central)
(Actual conversation between me and Ben following this week's episode of Lost):

CDP: 'Damn, how am I going to make this episode seem funny?'

BEN: 'I don't know. You should just do a lot of physical comedy, and have Sarah fall down a lot.'

CDP: 'No, I'll do something really experimental. In honor of the episode, I'll tell the jokes out of order. I'll do the setup for Joke A, then the punchline for Joke B, then the setup for Joke C, then the punchline for Joke A. It'll be amazing!'

MISSUS: 'Yeah, that'll go over well.'

CDP: 'Well, it couldn't be any worse than how it's going now.'

BEN: 'Good point.'
Hey, CDP. I'm going to make it to Madison tomorrow. Hit me up with an email, and we'll talk specifics.
I'm going to avoid the obligatory Chris Hansen/Dateline NBC joke here, because I'm in a good mood (and I don't imagine you've sent out my book yet).
I kid because I love...
Yeah, there's no way that this won't end in tears somehow. My tears.

The book will ship out tomorrow, Caveman! I would have done it sooner,

I suck.
OZZY OSBOURNE Addicted To UK Breakfast Cereal 'Sugar Puffs.' reports that Ozzy Osbourne apparently misses Sugar Puffs so much when he's away from the UK, he has ordered a consignment to be sent to his Los Angeles home.

The sweet-toothed rocker, 59, apparently loves the cereal so much he put in a request to the British manufacturers Honey Monster Foods for a bumper pack to be sent to the States, reports The Sun.

A source was quoted as saying: "One of the team at Honey Monster Foods received an email with a request from Ozzy Osbourne's people in L.A. asking for them to ship over some boxes of Sugar Puffs. They said it was his favorite breakfast cereal and he was wound up because he couldn't find any over there."

Sugar Puffs were launched in 1957 by the Quaker Oats company and had a successful advertising campaign with the big yellow Honey Monster in the '70s.

See? SEE???
Honey Monster Foods? haha.
My longing for another taste of Sugar Puffs has lasted over a decade now. It's probably the only thing that me and Ozzy have in common.
Isn't it funny that of all the things you did and saw in the UK, the one thing you want is food?

I know I could kill for a flying fish sandwich right now. Or a 20 pack of inari roll.
Yup. I spent 4 days there on a specific mission for the British equivalent of Mountain Dew.

I also want Denise Van Outen, but that's a completely different story.
Y'know, you could just order the damn things online. Sure, it costs a bit more to ship it internationally, but buy a whole bunch of boxes and it'll totally be worth it. Plus, then you can leave poor Carrot Duff alone (at least when it comes to cereal procurement).
My longing for another taste of Sugar Puffs has lasted over a decade now. It's probably the only thing that me and Ozzy have in common.

Well, that and the whole biting heads off of small animals thing...
EMILY - Indeed I could, and I appreciate you looking that up for me. I'm going ahead and sending 5 boxes my way. Hoot!

JT - I suppose. I'm a better singer than him, too.
Wait a minute...all this whining about Sugar Puffs and you've never though to look up buying it online?!? CDP, you have failed me.
No, no, no. It's just extremely expensive.

For example: I ordered 5 boxes of Sugar Puffs, at a total cost of $18.70. However, the shipping was $53, leaving me with a grand total of almost $72. I decided against this, because it's absolutely insane, even for me.

See my issue?
This is also why I didn't get rich by mailordering 65 Poor Life Decisions all over the nation. I should have charged way more for shipping, but I was trying to be Punk Rock and nice.
Don't pretend we didn't gold-plate the cats w/ the money we made from selling those books.
Eesh, didn't realize the shipping would be quite so steep. I apologize for even getting your hopes up.

Although, it is still cheaper than flying over there to get them, if slightly less fun. :)

I want a gold plated cat! Then maybe I wouldn't be allergic to them.
I don't know what kind of scam those Brits think they're pulling with postage. I wanted to order a European Hedgehog calendar, and they wanted 25 dollars to ship it to the States. Que ridiculo!
No, it was 25 POUNDS! Not dollars.
EMILY - It's okay. I already knew, but I thought you might have found something on the Down Low. I appreciate you trying to satisfy my cereal desires.

Being allergic to cats is God's cruelest mistake. They're so wonderful; yet you cannot touch them. Kind of like Hollywood Celebrities and 10 year olds.

HATHERY - Considering our economy right now, I'm surprised we're not using cash to insulate our walls for the Winter. WORTHLESS.

I made money selling the books, but not enough to brag about. I paid for my Christmas shopping, paid a grand on my credit card bill and bought Rock Band. The rest is in my savings account, and the Lulu royalty checks are enough for me to pay for an oil change every 3 months.

And keep the cats shiny with gold.
To be honest, I'm just not that into cats. My roommate has two, though, so it'd be nice not to be allergic to them so I could, like, pet them or something, ANYTHING to make them stop whining and rubbing on my legs so g-damn much.

Frankly, I'm a dog person. But I imagine that has a lot to do with being raised in a home that had at least 3 dogs at any given time, and no cats.
My cat is more of a platinum fan..
CAVEMAN - True 'dat. It's platinum or nothing!

EMILY - Dogs are okay with me. I prefer cats because they are easier to maintain; especially when you don't have a yard to speak of. I'll own a Beagle at some point in my life.
Kind of like Hollywood Celebrities and 10 year olds.

Kind of like Hollywood Celebrities and 10 year olds.

...Wait, when did that rule change?
When your turned 13.
Oh...good to know.
I'm really am sorry for not sending them. I just have a very severe case of 'being-a-lazy-teenager', and I'm generally very unreliable for everything.

The Sugar Puffs WILL get to you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some time in the next month or so.

I also haven't sent off my money for 65' yet, because I don't seem to have any $$$ lying around the house, onli £££. It will hopefully be at your door late this week, or early next.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again; my readers are the only people who apologize for not sending me cash and prizes. I'm a luckier guy than I really should be.

Do what you gotta do, Duff. It's all good.
I just stopped by the Youtube channel for Pop Crunch, and you won a lot more people this time around...congrats!

Interestingly enough Youtube user: "LotsofLovester" suggests that they should move their Lost recaps to Monday.
Thanks Caveman! They shoot their episodes for the week on Monday nights, so Tuesday would be the earliest my episodes could go up. That being said, I agree that the earlier, the better when it comes to time-sensitive things such as TV show recaps.

Met Cargirl. Didn't get arrested. Yet.
She on her whirlwind college tour of America?
Indeed she was. And once I let her out of the basement, that tour will resume.
They SHOULD move their Lost recaps to Monday. Why would you put them up the same day as the next show airs? That's craziness.

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