Monday, May 19

Lost Monday - "There's No Place Like Home."

Lost Monday - There's No Place Like Home.
Season 4 - Episode 12: "There's No Place Like Home (Part 1)."

Another Lost Monday is upon us, we have much to discuss.

Season 4 has been like no other in the history of Lost. Strike-shortened, they were forced to cram 16 episodes of material in 13 hours, and they delivered in a commendable way, setting a pace that we had never seen in their typically plodding and deliberate storyline. So it seems fitting that it's hard to believe that we only have one more episode left until Season 4 is officially over and done with, leaving us to wait until January 2009 for the Greatest Drama in Television History to pick up where they left off.

This week, we had the first act to a 3-act season finale, which delivered in a big way. We saw the return of the Oceanic 6 to the mainland, we saw a few more post-rescue flash-forwards, Hurley ate some cake and Aaron was played by three different babies and a plastic doll. It was significantly more rad than this description can properly warrant.

So let's do this. It's time for The Thick And Meaty!

The Thick & Meaty!


Jack and Kate head out to find the rescue helicopter. Daniel realizes that the Orchid will make time and space all wonky, and tells Charlotte that they need to leave the show immediately before it starts to get too silly for its own good.


Kate and Jack run into Miles, Sawyer and Aaron. They inform Jack and Kate that Claire ran off into the jungle, and she was just too annoying for them to muster up the productivity to chase after her.

Kate, Aaron and Miles head back to the beach, while Jack and Sawyer head in search of the chopper. When they find Frank, he informs them that Keamy is an evil bastard, and they need to make sure Hurley is as far away from him as possible when he reaches the Orchid.

Kate and Sayid head back out in search of the castaways, when they are suddenly surrounded by Richard Guyliner and his Merry Group of Hostiles.

They're Chewy And Delicious!
("Hurry! Captain just baked cookies, and there's only five left! They're chewy and delicious!")


Daniel, Sun, Jin, Aaron and a few random extras get on the zodiac raft towards the freighter. The extras are one of my least favorite parts of the show. It should really all be speaking parts at this point.


The freighter is rigged with explosives. Jin wants his Rolex watch back from Michael.


Ben makes mirror signals to an unseen dude as they head towards the Orchid. Once there, he surrenders to Keamy and his men, while Locke infiltrates the Orchid Station. Hurley hangs back and eats 15 year old Dharma Saltines.

This Is Why Our Nation Is So Screwed Up.
(Man, I'm so tired of people using Jesus as a weapon.)


The Oceanic 6 are dropped at a base in Hawaii for the press conference. They all stick with the false story, which has yet to be determined as to why. This is kind of big deal, as they got rescued, and it was an insanely cool moment for the show. The reporters make fun of Hurley's weight, hereby making it uncool for me to do so anymore.


Sayid meets up with Nadia. They share a hug, only to instantly get married and have Nadia be murdered by ruthless henchmen.


Sun calls out her dad for never liking Jin, uses her fat Oceanic settlement to buy a large amount of stock in the company, and tells him to suck it. Paik's eye gets all twitchy.

Speak A Full Sentence, And I'll Eat My Damn Hat.
("Muffin pickle lumberjack pants.")


A party is thrown for Hurley, but he has a freak-out and runs down the street when The Numbers rear their ugly head in the car that his dad had restored for him. Damn you, Cheech!


Jack makes a speech at his dad's wake, only to run into Christian's shadow wife, who informs him that Claire is his half-sister, and Aaron is his nephew. He takes this a little hard.


Poops self and cries for the duration. I'll never forgive the Lost crew for letting this kid be part of the Oceanic 6.

That's a lot to cover. Better Break It Down!

Break It Down!

4 - At Hurley's surprise party, Sayid is sporting a wedding ring, implying that he is already married to Nadia at this point. They did not screw around, it would appear.

Furthermore, I like how often member of the Oceanic 6 appear in the other's flash-forwards. The idea that Sayid flew halfway around the world to hang out with Hurley for a few hours is hilarious to me. I can't believe that any of them ever fly at all.

8 - Ben's Morse Code message to whomever was up in the mountains was 'seize.' Expect to see Keamy and his men get taken out, Hostile-style.

15 - Taken From Lostpedia: "Hurley's birthday party scene contained the following Easter eggs: 4 palm trees on the lanai, 8 helium balloons tied by the pool, 15 presents on the lanai table, 16 party hats worn by background individuals, 23 & 42 were the numbers on the jerseys worn on the 2 boys crossing over the pool right after the DJ was shown."

This is precisely why I love Hurley-centric stories. The producers pepper his episodes with crap like this.

You Don't Recognize Me, Do You?
("Your dad was a man-whore and you've abandoned your sister. Nice to meet you.")

16 - Claire's mom was played by a new actress this time around; different from her character's only other appearance in 'Par Avion.' In her first appearance, she did not have a speaking part.

If you remember, she was in a coma for many years after a car accident, and was actually still in the coma when Claire boarded Oceanic 815. Same character, different actress, fine with me.

23 - I enjoyed the multiple convergences at the end of this episode. Hell, they even used music that they typically don't use during an episode of Lost. Seeing how the Oceanic 6 will eventually come together and become the only ones to be rescued is getting neater by the week. I've always been a fan of literary devices where you know what's going to happen, but have no idea how the characters are going to get to that particular point. Typically, a storyline that dense cannot be done within the breakneck confines of a television show. Just another reason why Lost is better than you.

I Wish You Were Dead.
("I'll miss you, you terrifying, residually haunting bastard.")

42 - Sun tells her dad that there are two people responsible for Jin's death, and he is one of them. Who is the other person? I'm assuming we'll find out next week.

You know, it was awesome to see the Oceanic 6 off of the island, safe and sound (regardless of what we know is about to happen to them, and despite the fact that they're lying to the world for some yet-unexplained reason), but I couldn't help but think that they should have lived their post-island lives a little differently. It would have certainly saved some unnecessary stress in the future.

5 Awesome Things.
("The survivors crashed here, on Make Believe Island.")

Here now, 5 Awesome Things that the Oceanic 6 (minus stupid, alien-esque Aaron, who I will never recognize as a Flight 815 survivor) should have done upon reaching the mainland and getting that sweet Oceanic hush money.

This Is Airtight; We Just Say That Hurley Ate Everyone.
("Our story is airtight. Just say that we hid out in a theater that was showing Speed Racer.")

1. Jack.

What He Did - Went back to the medical practice. Was driven insane with guilt and remorse; now pops pills, drinks booze and has more facial hair than Jim Morrison in Paris.

What He Should Have Done - Retired, purchased Red Sox season tickets and had sex with Kate until the end of time.

(For whatever reason, Kate enjoyed puking in Jack's water bottle.)

2. Kate.

What She Did - Raised Aaron as her own. Was acquitted of murder and now seemingly functions as a housewife.

What She Should Have Done - Actually, this has turned out pretty good for her. Too bad she'll never not be a scheming, dishonest whore that subconsciously shatters her every attempt at personal happiness. Kind of shot herself in the foot, there.

So...Do You Like Golf?
(" you like baseball, or....?")

3. Sayid.

What He Did - Driven by rage, now works for Ben Linus as a personal hitman, killing people that probably have little to nothing to do with the death if his wife, Nadia.

What He Should Have Done - Became a local pro at the Winchester Hills Golf Club in Winchester, Wisconsin. It's right next to my grandma's house.

(Maybe Hurley is the numbers. Anyone ever think of that?)

4. Hurley.

What He Did - Went batshit crazy.

What He Should Have Done - Took the medicine.

Yes, I'm Marrying A Wisconsin Humorist, That's Correct.
("I was saved by the brilliant American humorist and author, Ryan J. Zeinert.")

5. Sun.

What She Did - Attempted to get back at her father by purchasing a sizeable amount of stock in the company. Got even more pregnant-er.

What She Should Have Done - Moved in with nationally-known and acclaimed Wisconsin author, blogger and humorist, Ryan J. Zeinert.

That's what they should have done.

Spoilers ahoy! All will be revealed for the finale! It's time for The Preview!

The Preview.
("Now, you know for a fact that my sexiness will deflect those bullets.")

1 - The season finale is titled "There's No Place Like Home (Parts 2 & 3)." It should continue to focus on the Oceanic 6, and it will be two hours (8-10pm Central), so TiVo, nap and poop accordingly.

2 - The official press release from ABC reads: "The face-off between the survivors and the freighter people continues, and the Oceanic Six find themselves closer to rescue."

Wow, thanks for all the juicy details, Vaguey McVaguerson; I would have never guessed that it would end this way. They might as well have said: "Survivors of a plane crash attempt to live on a mysterious island."

The Wings Are Getting Cold!
("Did someone say 'Fondue?' Don't start without me! WAAAALLLLLT!")

3 - The cast listing for the finale is spectacular and wildly open for theorization and speculation. Making an appearance will be Walt, Richard Alpert, Christian Shepard, Penny Widmore, Charles Widmore, Michael's mom and the triumphant return of Dr. Marvin Candle. I'm assuming Dr. Markvin Candlewick has something to do with the Orchid Station, which is pretty much the shark that Lost is in danger of jumping over heading into Season 5.

4 - Mined from the Interweb: "A big scene is being planned for filming currently involving the rescue. The Freighter people are NOT the ones that do the rescuing. The season finale will leave you ballistic as far as cliffhangers go." Quite frankly, I would have expected nothing less.

Also remember that Lost won't return until January of 2009, so yeah...that's pretty much terrible. Here's hoping that by the time the Season 5 premiere hits the airwaves, President Obama will be all sworn in and inaugurated right proper.

I Think I'm Gonna Yak, Chief.
("Jack, your small intestine is looking at me. Might want to get re-stitched.")

5 - People keep telling me about this spectacular, mind-blowing kiss that's set to take place during the finale. The way they've been building it up, there's no way I won't be let down unless Yunjin Kim herself shows up at my door at plants one on me. That being said, my theory is that a kiss will take place at the exact time that the Orchid Station does it's time-travelin' magic and essentially stops the world in its tracks. Yeah, it sounds lame, but you never know with Lost.

Well, there you have it; another lemon-scented Lost Monday in the books. Start the conversation in the comments section, send all hate mail and erotic photography to, and catch up on Season 4 by checking out every Lost Monday from this year. Cheers.

Lost Monday - Episode 1 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 2 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 3 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 4 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 4 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 5 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 6 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 7 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 9 Recap.
Lost Monday - Episode 10 Recap.

I like your comment about all the different Aarons - he did look different to me in different scenes.
Yay Richard and the Hostiles!! I love them.
I bet Candleman will return because Locke will need to watch an informational video on how to operate the Orchid, or he'll just be chilling down there, how sweet would that be?
Some people think there was another person on the plane that the Oceanic 6 were being taken to the mainland in ... I wouldn't put it past Lost, but I'm also a little skeptical. Perhaps it's just a random crew member of the plane?
CAITLIN - Aaron has been played by more actors than James Bond.

I think you're right about Dr. Candlewick. I never tire of those orientation films; he has a sweet job.

I looked at those photos, and while it would seem that there's another person on the plane, it's probably another member of the Air Force, not necessarily a mysterious island person. Then again, you can never really tell with the Lost crew.
About the other person in the plane: would Jack remind everyone to keep to the cover story if a crew member were sitting just a few feet away? Mmmm. Methinks it's someone keeping an eye on the O6 (really O5, I'm with you on that one), and they all know it.

Another tidbit from Hurley's party: The DJ was spinning Jeronomo Jackson.
Yeah, I noticed the Geronimo Jackson album at Hurley's place. I like how he keeps popping up; we saw a GJ poster in Young Locke's locker a couple weeks ago.
Maybe THIS will get you turds talking.
Sorry dude, just in a crummy mood is all.
No, it's cool. I meant, what is that? I assume from The Orchid, but you know... What is it?

No one in the continental U.S. is more excited than me about Dr. Marvin Candle's return.

I wish, somehow, he was Jacob.
I think it's from The Orchid; presumably the thing that allows you to royally muck up space and time.

Or, as I said last week, it's the shark that Lost is about to jump over. If what I've read about the finale is true, then I seriously don't know what to think.

Don't worry, spoiler whiners; I won't say anything in the comments.
We've been having second thoughts about this show since Season Three and the writers always come back strong. I'm gonna trust the Lost crew on this one.

As long as the Foot Statue doesn't squash the island, I'll be ready for 2009.
I get the feeling that Foot Statue will get the full treatment in Season 5. Get ready to learn all about the Hostiles, I presume.

Maybe Richard only has 4 toes?
I think I've seen this before. That image is of the portal that accidently splices Locke's DNA with a fly and he's all "Help meeee...", right?

I'm officially befuddled by the show now, and have stopped over-thinking or theorizing about it. I'll just let the wackos who write it have it play out and see if any of it clicks at the end. *sigh*
Sadly, I'm with you, Maus. I used to comb through every still frame and theory imaginable; staying up late in an attempt to crack the code. Nowadays, I don't even answer questions that are e-mailed to me.

It's not that I've stopped caring, it's just that I can't care that much forever. It's exhausting and unnecessary. They say they know where they're going with the story? Fine by me; I'm just along for the ride from here on out.
I'm kind of cranky today, so I'm feeling disenfranchised about everything, including things I used to love, like my favorite tv shows. Maybe by the time the finale rolls around this week I'll have reconciled my differences with the show. :shrug:
That picture kind of looks like a shower ... maybe it's the islands way of saying 'You know what, Locke, you kind of smell. When is the last time you showered? I'm only telling you this as a friend ... it's what the island wants."
And yeah, all the different theories are interesting and I still randomly read some, but at this point I'm just willing to be tossed around by the writers as much as they want me to be.
I don't think that person in the first picture is anyone special, but who knows, the entire 5th season could be based off of it ... this is Lost we are talking about.
MAUS - I feel the same way. Wanna make out or something?

CAITLIN - The Orchid station is just one big, elaborate delousement chamber that happens to send people through time and space. Hey, why not?
want to know how the Oceanic 5 get out together. At this point they are all in different groups on and off the island.

Sun's dad has the craziest eye twitch. Do you think he practices that in the mirror? He looks like my daughter when she tries to wink. I kept expecting him to finally cover one eye and say "yea!"
Watching the Oceanics converge has been pretty awesome. I have no idea how they will end up together, and be the only group that gets off the island. For me, it's the coolest part of the Season Finale.

Mr. Paik is a weird-looking dude. There's no way that's voluntary; otherwise his eyeball deserves an Emmy.
He looks like he accidentally ate one of those red peppers they put in the Chinese food to make it spicy.
I know I looked like Mr. Paik when that happened to me.
So I was stupid and went out and read some spoilers, and my brain promptly melted. I am probably going to be a little less than satisfied with some of the events in the finale, if what's been posted is even remotely accurate. But maybe some of the stuff that wasn't leaked will totally rock.

Deadliest Catch is on tonight, so I have that to look forward to.
MAUS - Mmm-hmm. Lost manages to change the game every season, but this time....jeepers. It's going to be one helluva ride, at least.
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