Monday, January 12

What Alcohol Does To Me.

(Photo taken on New Year's Eve at 3:30pm. Everything seems to be in order.)

Whiskey – Charming genius, followed by periodical whimsy throughout the night.
Champagne - Embarrassing sloppiness, followed by extreme dizziness and regret.
Tequila – Mr. Hyde-like anger and outbursts, sharply followed by horniness.
Beer - Dignified stumbling, followed by weight gain and emergency urinations.
Wine – Formal and conversational, followed by giggling and karaoke.
Vodka – Screaming heartburn followed by puke and Tylenol.
Rum – I pretty much turn into the loudest, gayest man on Planet Earth.
Brandy – Charles Bukowski, followed by approximately 19 hours of sleep.
Zima – 16-year-old Me at a crappy basement party wearing a bowling shirt.
Gin – Nobody drinks gin.
JT's Moonshine - Death.

(Photo taken on New Year's Eve at 3:30am. Note my hair.)

Sound off in the comments section, enjoy your day and let me know what alcohol does to you. There will be a huge CDP announcement coming on Friday, so please stay tuned.


You guys look the same after a beer.
A lot of people around here drink Tanqueray and tonics. No body drinks gin in Madison? Milwaukee sort of has a surge in old man drinks like Brandy Manhattans too. It's weird. But they are good stuff. Sailor Jerry's rum does me in though. 92 proof. Pass that bottle a bit and I'm out.
This post is brilliant. Gin does not a classy lady make - that's what I found out when I found one contact lens on each of my glasses lenses one fine morning, post gin. It must have made sense at the time to put one contact on each side. So, in conclusion, gin: smart and logical followed by what the hell everybody?
MIKE - People always tell me that I look like AJ Styles. You know, minus the ripped physique, Gainesville accent and the fact that he's pretty much the greatest pro wrestler on the planet. Funny stuff, there.

DOMINIC - I've been enjoying Brandy Manhattans for a couple of years now, and I have to admit that they're fantastic. Although my friends insist that they smell like gasoline and no self-respecting human should digest them, but what do they know, anyway?

REEM - The reason I don't drink Gin is that it was the first liquor I started drinking way back when, so I correlate it with immaturity and inexperience, even though Gin is world-renowned for it's elegance and Esquire persona. Just me, for sure.

But yeah, it'll sneak up on you.
Whiskey – Slurred speech and wobbling.
Champagne - Giggles followed by the mother of all headaches.
Tequila – Vomiting into cat litter boxes.
Beer - Cheshire-Cat-like grinning until passing out.
Wine – Chatty, glib, and opinionated. In other words, an embarrassment to the wife.
Vodka – I feel suave and debonair until I am crying and puking into the toilet.
Rum – Nauseated.
Gin – Shaky and prone to dance.
Brandy – Charles Bukowski, followed by approximately 19 hours of sleep.

Yeah. I've been known to have that affect on some people...

Whiskey – Goes on the Christmas ham. Not for drinking.
Champagne - Too broke to afford.
Tequila – Wandering the streets looking for someone to hug. Followed later by vomiting.
Beer - Falling asleep during family gatherings and then waking up with eyes made out of marbles and ravenously hungry.
Wine – For special occassions or in sangria - makes me giggly and prone to laugh at practically anything.
Vodka – Extreme friendliness and social interaction soon followed by the need to nap.
Rum – Making passes at random strangers in parking lots, followed by nausea.
Gin – Smells like rubbing alcohol.

Multiple (and uncounted) shots of Hot Damn Peppermint Schnapps - I'm sure you can guess...
You forgot Amaretto. haha.
My husband likes to mix Amaretto with beer. It's supposed to taste a little bit like Dr. Pepper but to the combination just creates something unappealing and disgusting.

Multiple (and uncounted) shots of Hot Damn Cinnamon (NOT Peppermint) Schnapps - I'm sure you can guess...

(FTFM - and regardless, Schnapps of any kind are almost as evil as Tequila)
And by huge ... you mean that Hugh G. Rection will be providing the announcement, right?

Ahhh, I love jokes from the sixth grade.
You do know that married people our age can't say they have a huge announcement without people assuming they're with child, right? I got a call from my brother over the weekend while grocery shopping. He said, "Well Dad said you had some news so I just figured you were knocked up." "Um, no, I just might be starting the long, slow process of possibly maybe someday moving into a different department with the same employer. It doesn't really sound so exciting now, thanks."

Why is this list devoid of mention of Jager? Are you all Jager haters? We took a bottle to a New Year's Eve party a few years ago. Later, we saw a guy take a shot and then promptly scowl and say, "What the ... who the ... how? Damn Jager."
ED - Nice list. Remind me that we probably shouldn't go out drinking together.

MAUS - Yup, Brandy makes me emo. Agreed on the schnapps. I don't even keep that stuff in my house anymore; there would be...problems.

HATHERY - Amaretto; yeah. It just makes me Incredible Hulk-style angry after about 10 minutes. Same goes for Jager; messes with my brainball.

BRUCE - Mr. Rection's announcement will be followed by a brief speech by I.P. Freely.

BERRY BEAR - We are not with child; it's a CDP-related announcement. Oh, and it doesn't have anything to do with LOST, either...

I feel the same exact way about news. Everytime someone has a 'surprise' for me, I think they're pregnant. This stems back from the few times that actually happened.
I'm a boring, quiet drunk. I rarely make a peep when I've been drinking.

I also hate the taste of strong alcohol. Tequila? Blech. Brandy? Blech. But give me a bottle of beer or wine and I'll drink it up.

Somewhat related news, our neighborhood wine club met on Friday night. The theme was "Cheap Wines". We all brought a bottle of wine that cost less than $8 and then had a bottle that was $60. Then we had a blind taste-test. The winner? It cost $4.99, but a $1.20 after the mail-in rebate.
HOSS - Wine Club? How progressive. I need to start a Whiskey Club at CDP Headquarters. Currently it's just me and the cats hanging out every Thursday night.

That's the big, dirty secret with wine. Absolutely nobody really knows what entails a decent wine, and the best stuff is almost always under $20. I'm a Turning Leaf or Yellow Tail fan myself, which typically runs somewhere near $10.
A few months ago, when we left the wine club, no one could remember how to drive home. Note that this is a neighborhood wine club -- no one lives more than 1/2 mile away! So they can end up to be drunk-fests.
Oh this is fun, I'll take a crack at it (though I am, admittedly, not much of a drinker):

Whiskey – Rarely drink. It makes my throat feel like it's on fire, followed by heart burn. I am a disgrace to my Irish heritage.
Champagne - Happy drunk spinning records, then waking up the next morning half naked and in bed with my best girlfriend. Hey-o!
Tequila – Will. Not. Drink.
Beer - Pleasant buzz, followed by trips to the bathroom every 15 minutes.
Wine – I like very few wines. I blame this on the Presbyterian church serving grape juice at communion, and therefor setting young Emily up for big disappointment later in life.
Vodka – Hanging from a pipe in the basement of a friend's house at a cast party, pants around ankles.
Rum – Good, silly buzz. Seriously, rum and me get along famously.
Brandy – Nope.
Bartles & James – 16-year-old Me at a crappy basement party wearing a bowling shirt. I mean, a tank top.
Gin – Choir class, sophomore year of high school, pain.
JT's Moonshine - Never had the pleasure.
When in doubt, always buy a wine that has an animal on the label. It never fails to be tasty. I don't know why.

Whiskey – Personal favorite but can lead to waking up stark naked in my friend's bed (forcing him to sleep on the floor) with his mom hovering 2 inches above my face saying in a very thick Welsh accent, "Poor thing, do you want a tablet?"
Champagne - Tastes better if it costs $3.99 and is strawberry flavored. Also acceptable: free refills as part of the all-inclusive buffet price at a restaurant in Budapest.
Tequila – Traditional weekly shot at karaoke when I was getting to know my husband. Followed by stumbling home together.
Beer - Induces excessive hunger and urination, but is nearly irresistible.
Wine – Makes me feel girly and fancy until I've had a couple of glasses. Then it just makes me happy.
Vodka – Loud insolence followed by desire to sleep. Anywhere.
Rum – I rarely drink rum, though I don't dislike it. This seems to be an oversight.
Gin – Should not be consumed by anyone at any time under any circumstances.
Brandy - see: gin, with the exception of being used in mixed drinks such as sangria and Buttmunches.
HOSS - Sounds like a lot of fun, actually. I know approximately nobody that lives within 1/2 mile of me, which sort of shoots my Whiskey Club in the foot.

EMILY - Nice list. Can we all, as a group, agree that Champagne makes clothes disappear?

Also, the next time you're over, I'll give you a sip of JT's moonshine. There's still some of it in the fridge, as I only drink about a thimble-full a year, which is enough to keep me inebriated for three days at a time.

BERRY BEAR - We need to schedule a play date.

This has made me realize that most alcohol has a similar affect on the majority of people. This seems to make sense, as it's equal parts physical and neurological. In fact, the type of liquor you drink the most frequently may offer significant insight into your personality.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this.
...Oh, and it doesn't have anything to do with LOST, either...

Honest to God, I was really hoping you were going to change you're mind. I'm not even sure I can be bothered watching Lost if I don't have hilarious recaps to read through straight after.

Don't think I'm angry at you though. Those things were obviously massive effort, and the face you did it for almost three seasons without pay fantastic. I'm still psyched about the news though.
Well, okay, but I get the bed.
BERRY - Deal.

CARROT DUFF - You know me; I can't say goodbye to anything. I can't remember who it was that suggested to me that I just do the 'captions' instead of the full review (Berryjo?), but I may seriously consider that. It lightens the load, but it's still Lost-related and funny.
Uhhhh ... sure, I said that. (I've never seen Lost and I confess that I've never read any of the related posts. But if you were cool, you would totally start watching the last 10 episodes of BSG this Friday and blog about how I'm the final cylon.)
Sorry I'm late to the party, kids...

Whiskey – Mainly consumed on camping reips, leads to excessive bonfires made out of 100% gasoline.
Champagne - Quick buzz, which leads to me deciding I NEED MORE and opening any bottle of alcohol in a 5-mile radius
Tequila – Can't stomach anything but an Anejo, but it actually makes me pretty mellow.
Beer - I drink this for breakfast and lunch.
Wine – Since I've been in some sort of wine business for two years, I feel the need to share my knowledge of wine with anyone in earshot. SSHould no one be in earshot, I will go out on the porch and scream loudly into the night about soft, round tannins.
Vodka – Only in Bloody Marys, only during football season, only before 9:30 AM.
Rum – I'm a pirate.
Brandy – Very little experience here.
Zima – 16-year-old Me at a crappy field party wearing a tacky tie-dyed shirt.
Gin – Nobody drinks gin.
JT's Moonshine - I am superhuman and can melt steel beams with the lasers from my eyes.
I like you pikachu.

Whiskey – Ew, I've never had it.
Champagne - Make out with 23-year-olds.
Tequila – No thanks.
Beer - Yuck!
Wine – It makes me make the sign of the cross, go to my pew, and pray until Communion is over. Uh, I only had it in church.
Vodka – BARF!
Rum – Yuck, yuck, yuck. The smell makes me want to upchuck.
Brandy – Never seen it.
Zima – What?
Gin – Nobody drinks gin.
JT's Moonshine - I don't remember.
*your pikachu
I love your blog and I think you would appreciate my sense of humor. If I link to your blog on my blog is there any way you could return the favor? I think we could both get more exposure!

Check it out: Http://

Thanks so much
JT - After a steady diet of your moonshine, I don't doubt any of your perceived superpowers. I still remember you calling me to contemplate shipping it to me, as I was shaking my head and wondering how I had gotten to this point in my life.

CARGIRL - You probably can't tell, but that Pikachu is approximately three feet tall. The Missus had a lot of Pokemon stuff when we moved in with each other, which I find strange, considering I've never once seen her take interest in any animated series. Either way, it looks rad in the office with all the other toys.

You have once again proven that Champagne is a gift from God. And since I don't believe in God, I'm referring to the guy behind the counter at the Liquor Store.
SCOTT - Thanks for the comment; I'm looking forward to checking out your blog. Maybe we can work something out!
We've put together a brief video tour of the facilities at Strait Shine in Prince Edward Island, Canada. You can learn about the hand-crafted distilled products and hear about how moonshine is made.

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