Thursday, July 16

Rimshot Thursday II.

(NOTE: While authorities continue to search for the recently-missing Ryan J. Zeinert, the CDP will be publishing previously unreleased and 'lost' content from his vast archives in his absence. The following contest was found on a flash drive Mr. Zeinert had left behind; it also contained an unfinished piece of Transformers fan fiction, poorly-constructed plans for a chess-playing robot and a half-eaten slice of cheese pizza, which makes little-to-no sense whatsoever.)

Today is Rimshot Thursday, which means that I'd like you to come up with as many punchlines as possible for the following line and post them in the comments section:

"Man, I haven’t seen this many crying teenagers since…"

Here are a few to get you started:

"...the ugly Jonas Brother got engaged."

"...Joe Jackson put a band together."
"...I got removed from the Sex Offender registry."

Have fun, be creative and enjoy your day.

Tuesday, July 14

The Communist Search Party (Part II).

(The last-known, unfathomably fruity photograph of Zeinert.)

EXCLUSIVE! Missing Author Possibly Caught On Camera.

Beloved author and blogger Ryan J. Zeinert, missing and presumed uncomfortable since July 5, may have been photographed by a local hiker/alcoholic.

Benjamin Jenkel, an outdoor enthusiast and amateur whiskey connoisseur, took the following vivid snapshot while on a hike of the area where Zeinert is presumed to be hiding out and/or crying softly.

I was reaching for my flask when I saw this…thing emerge from the brush,” recalls Jenkel. “I just grabbed my camera and started shooting.

The stench was unbearable,” he added. “He literally smelled like [excrement].

Jenkel then rocked back and forth on his heels for eight seconds, before vomiting and passing out in the parking lot of the ‘Wok-N-Roll’ restaurant where he was interviewed.

Zeinert has not been seen or heard from publicly since July 4, when he suffered an anxiety attack and ran into the nature preserve that surrounds his Sun Prairie estate. If this photo is indeed of him, it would offer a relative amount of comfort to his wife, family and legions of dedicated fans who have been praying for his safe return.

One such fan, known only as ‘Sherry,’ has kept a candlelight vigil on her porch every night since Zeinert’s June 27th ‘colossal freak-out.’ When asked to comment, Sherrry apologized for the confusion, stating that “the candlelight just kept the Junebugs away.

She added, “Who the [expletive] is Ryan Zeinert?

We will have more information as this story develops. The CDP continues to run archival and 'lost' essays in his absence.