Monday, November 15

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid.

(Last week's book signing went pretty well.)

1. I've been whoring out my new book pretty heavily for the last few weeks, and I want to let you know that I'm entirely cognizant of that fact. Honestly, I don't really like having to do it, but I think it's a good book and I don't have publicists to promote for me, so we're all sort of stuck with it for the time being. I appreciate your patience, and I can assure you that I'll get back to the funny stuff as soon as I can here on the CDP.

In the meantime, buy my book. It's the best thing I've ever done.

Now, in the last few years, I've only experienced celebrity status on the absolute tiniest of levels (second only to the level of celebrity you feel when it's your turn to bowl). That being said, I find myself having a much harder time dealing with positive attention than negative. Negative attention and criticism are constants in my life; something I'm entirely used to and know how to manage. Positive attention, however, is foreign and bizarre. When someone approaches me and exclaims how much they dig my work, or how a particular essay made them stop cutting themselves or something, I all but clam up, totally unsure of what I should say next.

Generally, I just say thank you and maintain eye contact. Other times, I make a joke at my expense and stand quietly until a phone rings. Just know that I care more than I can convey, and it means a lot to me. I gave up music in exchange for writing because I suck at those sorts of public exchanges, which brings me to my next point.


2. People had been asking me if I planned on doing a live reading/signing in the Madison area. While I thought it was a cool idea, I didn't want to go the conventional route of the coffee shop or bookstore, so I called up the nearest Chuck-E-Cheese and asked what their rates were for renting out their Party/Animatronic Band Room (I'm not kidding). And while just $6 a person paid for two slices of pizza each, unlimited trips to the soda fountain and a free 'gift bag,' I didn't think I could gather enough interest to make such a party come to fruition, even if they did serve beer (which they totally do). Just know that I tried.

I only want to put on things like this if I'm sure that everyone around me is going to have a good time. I don't do anything group-related for my own personal benefit; even my wedding was essentially a weekend-long party where everyone shared the stage equally. If I were to do a signing, under no circumstances was I going to sit behind a table while my friends waited in line, friends who were smarter and funnier than me in the first place. It was going to be a fun gathering that focused on the very ridiculousness of customary procedure, ridiculousness that I try to write about every day.

If you're still interested in going to Chuck-E-Cheese with me though, let me know. I'm just looking for an excuse at this point. If I go alone, I'll probably get arrested.


3. Speaking of the CDP, expect more Walking Dead Fridays, culminating into a December that features the Top Albums Of 2010, the CDP Year In Review, and the 2010 State Of The CDP Speech to round out the year in style. In addition, there will be more book stuff sprinkled about, as it becomes available nationwide in just a few days.

I've been blogging for almost seven years now, and this time of year always reminds me of that. It's gotten to the point where I don't really remember what my life was like before I felt it necessary to document everything that's ever happened to me ever forever. I don't know what 2011 holds for the CDP, but I definitely can't wait to write new essays, and I hope it reflects that.


4. Tonight, I will be at the House of Blues in Chicago. If you're in the area, let me know. I'll buy you a beer and dance with you and kiss your neck.

Thanks much for reading. Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.


okay, I'm good now.
What? Not even an acknowledgement that I graced your presence? Sigh...

And you didn't even kiss my neck. But neither did TJ. So, that's even. Colonial Williamsburg (which no one will let me forget) for a conference. Your book is on the nightstand. That's some promo fer ya!
Did you make that tween in the picture cry? I thought we talked about inappropriate things to say to girls 15 years your junior.

I've been feeding my 1-year-old canned pears and tortillas with chipotle mayonnaise on them because it's what we have in the house and we can't afford groceries right now, but I am saving my pennies (literally) to buy a copy. I live vicariously through your success. Wish I could go to Chuck-E-Cheese. :(
So you do your books signings in Hot Topic stores? :::will refain from the too obvious parole officer jokes here:::

And hey, I meant to give you a giant internet hug for last week's Walking Dead recap. I read it and said to myself "Oh, excess gore. Bargle! But I know what happened anyway, so I won't be confused if I skip this week, yay!!". So that's awesome.(Please tell me that this week which is hanging out on my DVR, didn't have so much, um, splatter?)

Berryjo, you feed your toddler chipotle mayo? That's really...brave! (Cue the 'Mr. Mom' "You gave the baby chili?!" diaper scene...)
"canned pears and tortillas with chipotle mayonnaise on them"<--- best, dinner, EVER!!
LAURIE - I cannot wait for this show.

SMED - The last line of your comment reads like a Country song. 'Your Book Is On My Nightstand (But You're Gone)'

BERRY BEAR - I cannot help it, it's so much FUN! Hey, you buy the book whenever you get the chance; that's more than fine with me, and I thank you very much. Next time you happen to be around the Madison area, we're going to Chuck-E-Cheese and there's no stopping us. You hear me talking, Police Department?

B - Signings in Hot Topics make sense. They perfectly capture my core demographic: Mothers of angry teenagers.

You're welcome for the Walking Dead recap. Each week, they seem to get better and better. Last night was awesome, and it was character/dialogue heavy to say the least.
Signings in Hot Topics make sense. They perfectly capture my core demographic: Mothers of angry teenagers.

So, Twilight Moms?
This book you is in the English, no?

Look forward to it. Expect a totally bogus check from me in your mail soon.
I thought that book signing pic was legit for about 5 seconds. Hah. And that promo shot for The Walking Dead reminds me of Left 4 Dead. I think a lot of stuff in the show reminds me of Left 4 Dead. Merle looks like Francis, too.
B - T-Milfs? Do the kids still say that? Have they ever?

JT - WHOOOOOOO(breath)OOOOOO!!!! Thanks, man!

MIKE - Right on. I sort of wish that I could snag that Hot Topic demographic. There's a financial goldmine there, I'm just not pretty enough to snag a teenage girl's attention for more than a minute. Story of my life.

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