Saturday, September 3

CDP Top 30 Of All-Time ('08-'10) - #28.


#28 - 'Free MySpace Poetry (Part 2).'
(Originally published 3/30/09.)

Are you a sensitive boy or girl on MySpace? Are you pining for that perfect piece of personal poetry or private prose that will perpetuate your pathetic pomposity? Do you want to appear emotional and deep, but just don't have the effort and creativity?

Look no further!

We here at the CDP have once again composed Free MySpace Poetry just for you! Simply choose the piece that best represents your suffering, lifeless and eternally tortured soul; then copy, paste and watch the friend requests roll in!

Example #1 - Four-Line Sonnet (ABCB)

It hurts so much to love you
Which leads me to inquire

Whenever we’re in bed
Must you always set me on fire?

Example #2 - Haiku (5-7-5)

Heart is on my sleeve
For you to do as you wish

Example #3 - Limerick (AABBA)

I work at a self-service station
And I’ll admit, it’s a weak occupation

But I fill up for free, and the coffee’s on me

During our Grand Opening celebration.

Example #4 - Rubaiyat (AABA)

You took off your clothes in front of me
And I saw everything I had been waiting to see

If I could ask just one question, I would say

Grandma, why are you doing this to me?

Example #5 - Cinquain (ABABB)

When I poked you on Facebook, you were one-of-a-kind
I knew you’d never bother me with meme’s and apps

But now it’s six months later, and there’s something on my mind

Why do you always write me in all caps?


Example #6 - Terza rima (ABA BCB...)

Kiss me before this night is through
And I’ll never forget it as long as I live

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m rockin’ with you

Even though you have nothing left to give

Just wrap your arms around me, Dick Clark

Oh, that’s right; forgot about your stroke. You forgive?

Example #7 - Ottava Rima (ABAB AB CC)

Tina Fey, you really have to stop calling me
For the good of my household and marriage
I fully understand your desire to make love to me

In the back of a horse-drawn carriage

But believe me; I’m telling you seriously

My wife will insist and disparage

She has Pampered Chef knives that are sharper than skin

And will see to it that you’re never seen again.

Example #8 - Petrarchan Sonnet (A8BBA8 A8BBA8 C8DE C8DE)

Let’s close down the bar together
We’ll flip the chairs and strike the lights

Drunkenly stumble into the dead of night

And wander around forever.

Rain, snow, whatever the weather

Your breath is warm, your eyes are bright

Your body is keeping me warm tonight

Am I driving you home? Never.

I’m never going to let you go

I know your moves, you’re not so keen

Nobody can conquer you but me.

Let’s drop the quarter; here we go

I’m settling for nothing less than a Kill Screen

Because you’re totally a Ms. Pac-Man machine.

Example #9 - Shakespearean Sonnet (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG)

This long-distance relationship has got to end

So I’m offering an ultimatum to you

Just admit to me that we’re better off friends
Just look me in the eyes and tell me that we’re through.

You knew that this would happen from the very start

Things just got out of hand way too fast

I stole your youth, and you stole my heart

And we need to leave it all in the past.

So kiss me once more, and I’ll walk out that door

Face the music and put my hands over my head

Do exactly as I’m told, and drop to the floor

So the authorities don’t shoot me dead.

Why didn’t you tell me that you were eleven?

Why didn’t you tell me that you were eleven?

Feel free to use as many of these as you want. I'll leave it up to you if you want to credit the CDP or not; I'm just here to help.


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