Wednesday, January 25

The CDP In Review: Best Essays (2008-2010)


Here now, the Best CDP Essays from 2008 to 2010. Some of these ended up in my second book, 2010's Aerating The Mashed Potatoes. Enjoy.

‎'The Hole To Hell.'
‎‎When you're a little kid, hanging out you're with your best friend, anything is possible.

'I Have A Black Belt In Armchair Jiu-Jitsu.'
‎How I injured myself watching people fight.

'10 Hard-Hitting Questions.'
‎I will ask you these questions when we meet, so you'd better brush up.

'The Communist Search Party.'
‎I once ran away from home because I didn't want to finish writing my book. Here's the saga.

'Shoot To Kill.'
‎The day I turned down murdering an animal, and became a man.

'A War Of Words With An Unarmed Man.'
‎I take on religion, e-mail spammers and bad album covers in one fell swoop. I actually had to consult with an attorney on this one.

'A Feral, Angry Cantaloupe Of Hellfire And Awful.'
‎Hedgehogs aren't born awesome; they're trained to be awesome. The rest just give you night terrors.

'The Broken Elbow Quadrilogy.'
‎The Missus broke her elbow, and because of that, I hate Roller Derby.

'The Leukemia Nickel.'
‎The guilt-driven racket of the Leukemia Society.

'One Week In Dubuque.'
‎A long weekend photoessay into one of the most surreal cities I've ever drunkenly wandered.

'The Basement Treadmill Of The New Millennium.'
‎On setting goals, becoming what you want to be, and eventually settling on what you already are.

'I Still Do Weddings.'
‎I have officiated two weddings. Here's the story behind one of them. Spoiler Alert: I get drunk at the reception, botch their license and ruin everything.

'The Pre-CDP Essays.'
‎The Teen Years, the Band Years and the College Years. Pretty interesting stuff if you want to know how I know...who I am.

'Look At Me, I Can Use A Computer!'
‎I honestly still don't understand why people bring computers into coffee shops.

'It's All Okay.'
‎How a man being killed by a flying car battery changed my life forever.

'The Walking Dead Friday - Season One.'
‎The entire collection of Walking Dead Friday. Zombies ahoy; I'm pretty good at recapping television shows, which is a lot like being good at nothing of significant worth.

'Play Don't.'
‎My mom took me to therapy when I was a kid. It didn't last long, and here's why.

'Why I Will Never Be The Host Of This Old House.'
‎Boiling water, exploding sump pumps, three feet of snow and proof positive that I have no business whatsoever owning a home.

'Shop 'Till You Drop (Or Stab Someone).'
‎The time I got trolled at a supermarket and nearly stabbed a guy. A must-read.

'To Here Knows When.'
Just...look, I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but believe me, you don't want my life.

Lost Friday – Season Six.'
Over the course of five years, I recapped about 100 episodes of Lost. Here's all of 'em.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.


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